UC-NRLF 


B    3    3M2 


ic  Earl  of  Pawtucket 


JSTUS  THOMAS 


JEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38th  St.,  New  York 


The    Earl   of  Pawtucket 

A  Comedy  in  Three  Acts 

BY 
AUGUSTUS    THOMAS 


Copyright,  1915,  by  AUGUSTUS  THOMAS 

Revised  1917.  by  AUGUSTUS  THOMAS 
Copyright,  1917,  by  AUGUSTUS  THOMAS 


ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 


CAUTION.— All  persons  are  hereby  warned  that  "THE 
EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET,"  being  fully  protected  under  the 
copyright  laws  of  the  United  States,  is  subject  to  royalty, 
and  anyone  presenting  the  play  without  the  consent  of  the 
author  or  his  authorized  agents  will  be  liable  to  the  penal 
ties  by  law  provided.  Applications  for  the  amateur  acting 
rights  must  be  made  to  SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West 
38th  St.,  New  York.  Applications  for  the  professional 
acting  rights  must  be  made  to  the  American  Play  Company, 
33  West  42nd  St.,  New  York. 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHES 

E8-30   WEST   38TH  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD. 
26  SOUTHAMPTON   STREET 

STRAND 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession 
Of  this  book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production 
first  having  been  obtained  from  the  publisher,  confers 
no  right  or  license  to  professionals  or  amateurs  to 
produce  the  play  publicly  or  in  private  for  gain  or 
charity. 

In  its  present  form  this  play  is  dedicated  to  the 
reading  public  only,  and  no  performance  of  it  may  be 
given,  except  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel 
French. 

SECTION  28. — That  any  person  who  wilfully  or  for 
profit  shall  infringe  any  copyright  secured  by  this  act, 
Or  who  shall  knowingly  and  wilfully  aid  or  abet  such 
infringment,  shall  be  deemed  guilty  of  a  misdemeanor, 
and  upon  conviction  thereof  shall  be  punished  by  im 
prisonment  for  not  exceeding  one  year,  or  by  a  fine  of 
not  less  than  one  hundred  dollars  nor  more  than  one 
thousand  dollars,  or  both,  in  the  discretion  of  the 
court.  Act  of  March  4,  1909. 


PREFACE. 


This  preface  is  the  fifth  of  a  series  intended  to 
give  some  information  upon  the  way  of  play  writ 
ing;  in  fact,  to  tell  all  that  the  author  knows  about 
the  art  as  far  as  the  respective  plays  call  it  to  mind 
and  make  it  pertinent. 

The  four  preceding  prefaces  have,  in  their  order, 
dealt  with  a  play  written  to  exploit  a  theory;  a 
drama  written  to  fit  a  star;  a  comedy  designed  to 
utilize  some  funny  experiences  of  the  writer;  and 
a  play  constructed  to  dramatize  some  biographical 
incidents  in  the  life  of  an  historic  personage. 

This  preface  is  to  a  comedy  in  which  a  man 
played  himself;  himself  in  a  fictitious  character  and 
in  devised  situations;  but  the  character  worn,  and 
the  situations  resolved  as  he,  in  proper  life,  would 
have  been,  and  would  have  met  them.  This  is  not 
an  unusual  relation.  The  parts  are  many  in  which 
actors  simply  play  themselves,  and  there  are  many 
prominent  players  whose  personalities,  habits  of 
thought  and  conduct,  would  make  the  starting 
points  and  the  guiding  forces  in  plays. 

Mr.  Lawrence  Dorsay  is  such  an  actor.  To  de 
scribe  him  in  a  line,  one  would  have  to  use  the 
phrase  so  often  applied  to  him  by  his  critics :  "  The 
Ouida  type  of  heavy  guardsman."  His  expression 
is  the  dominant  one  of  distinguished,  opaque,  Eng 
lish  toleration,  alternated  with  bland  astonishment, 
not  unmixed  with  good-nature,  but  always  self- 
confident,  self-sufficient,  and  aristocratic. 

There  used  to  be  some  men  at  the  actors'  club, 
even  Englishmen — perhaps  I  should  say  especially 

3 

L     379 


4  PREFACE. 

Englishmen — who  thought  that  Dorsay's  drawl, 
and  his  broad  pronunciation  were  exaggerated;  but 
I  believe  them  genuine.  I  have  seen  him  in  gaiety 
and  in  grief,,  in  deadly  earnestness,  even  intensely 
sea-sick;  through  all,  his  condescension  and  his 
broad  "  a  "  abided.  But  there  is  also  a  very  sub 
stantial  side  to  him. 

In  the  early  eighties  Mr.  Clay  M.  Greene  wrote  a 
play  for  Minnie  Palmer;  and  in  its  preparation  and 
amending,  travelled  with  the  company.  He  used  to 
tell  a  story  of  a  young  English  actor  in  the  cast, 
upon  whom  the  American  members  liked  to  en 
deavor  practical  jokes.  This  English  actor  was 
named  Lawrence  Dorsay.  He  \vas  tall  and  slight 
in  figure;  erect  and  elegant  in  carriage,  and  punc 
tilious  in  manners  and  deportment.  In  a  western 
mining-town,  American  humor  thought  it  would  be 
amusing  to  have  one  of  the  girls  of  a  dance-hall, 
which  the  men  of  the  company  were  visiting,  invite 
Dorsay  to  her  private  apartment,  and  then  have 
the  big  local  Sheriff,  with  a  six-shooter,  burst  into 
the  parlor,  and  pretend  to  be  the  jealous  husband. 
All  went  as  planned,  until  the  encounter,  when  the 
mild-mannered  Englishman,  instead  of  leaping 
through  the  window,  as  the  peeping  jokers  ex 
pected,  clinched  with  the  Sheriff  and  the  gun,  and 
went  to  the  floor  with  them.  The  gun  was  a  loaded 
forty-five,  and  in  the  struggle  for  its  possession,  it 
described  many  circles.  The  finish  of  the  contest 
was  without  spectators.  The  Sheriff  did  the  ex 
plaining,  and  the  author  of  the  joke  remained 
anonymous. 

One  day  in  the  middle  nineties,  I  was  standing 
with  Dorsay  at  the  busy  bar  of  the  Bartholdi  Hotel. 
Dorsay  had  ordered  a  Scotch  "  high-ball  "  and  "  no 
ice,  please."  When  the  glasses  were  set  up,  there 
was  the  usual  cube  of  ice  in  each.  Dorsay  pushed 
back  his  glass  and  said,  "  I  told  you  no  ice,  please." 


PREFACE.  5 

The  bar-keeper  had  been  working  rapidly,  and  was 
irritated;  and  behind  that  there  seemed  to  be  some 
pugilistic  training,  and  a  Bowery  ancestry.  He  put 
both  forearms  on  the  bar,  leaned  forward,  pro 
truded  his  chin  and  said,  "  Oh,  rats." 

Dorsay  broke  off  the  intended  remark  to  me, 
turned  blandly  to  the  bar-keeper,  lifted  his  eye 
brows  in  mild  astonishment,  copied  the  bar-keeper's 
pose  exactly,  and,  after  a  leisurely  pause,  said  most 
politely,  "  The  same  to  you,  dean  chap,  and  many 
of  them." 

The  points  that  I  have  indicated,  and  others, 
might  never  have  inclined  a  dramatist  to  begin  work 
with  Air.  Dorsay  in  mind  as  a  star ;  but  there  is  one 
other  quality  that  the  regular  playwright,  which  is 
to  say  one  subsisting  by  his  profession,  is  always  on 
the  look-out  to  find;  that  quality  is  personal  mag 
netism. 

In  1901  the  Empire  Theatre  Stock  Company  pro 
duced  H.  V.  Esmond's  comedy  "  The  Wilderness." 
In  the  cast  in  important  roles  were  such  excellent 
actors,  since  stars,  as  Margaret  Anglin,  William 
Courtenay,  Charles  Richman,  Margaret  Dale,  Mrs. 
Whiff  en,  Mr.  Crompton  and  others;  and  in  a  quite 
minor  role,  Lawrence  Dorsay.  My  wife  and  I  were 
watching  the  play  from  a  box,  and  as  Air.  Dorsay 
left  the  stage  I  noticed  a  movement  in  the  parquet 
like  a  receding  wave,  as  the  audience  settled  back  in 
their  seats.  They  had  moved  forward  in  their  at 
tention  in  a  less  concerted  action ;  but  as  they  heard 
Dorsay  approaching  for  his  second  scene,  their  in 
terest  was  immediate,  and  the  forward  inclination 
was  in  unison.  I  called  my  wife's  attention  to  the 
fact,  and  when  Dorsay  came  on  for  the  third  time, 
we  both  noticed  the  peculiar  response.  I  felt  that 
the  actor  who  was  so  welcome  in  such  negligible 
material  as  his  slight  role  offered,  was  of  stellar 
quality. 


6  PREFACE. 

I  had  an  agreement  at  that  time  to  write  a  play 
for  Mr.  Charles  Froham.  He  had  gone  to  London, 
but  I  cabled,  asking  if  I  might  have  Dorsay.  Mr. 
Froham  answered,  "  Yes." 

This  account  is  a  rather  circuitous  approach  to  a 
story  of  "  Pawtucket,"  but  it  has  an  importance, 
because  Dorsay  was  my  inspiration  and  my  point 
of  departure.  With  Dorsay  definitely  and  graph 
ically  in  mind,  I  began  to  grope  for  a  story. 

On  the  American  stage,  to  get  the  greatest  value 
from  the  man,  as  a  kind  of  comic-paper  English 
man  of  breeding,  it  was  imperative  to  surround  him 
with  Americans,  and  give  him  an  American  back 
ground.  In  doing  this  I  naturally  thought  of 
Dorsay  as  an  Englishman,  and  the  associated 
Americans  amused  with  his  speech  and  manner,  as 
I  had  seen  them  amused  by  him  in  private  life ;  but 
as  I  thought  more  intimately  of  him,  I  remembered 
that  his  most  amusing  moments  were  in  his  at 
tempts,  at  times,  to  be  ultra-American.  This  phase 
seemed  only  incidentally  valuable  until,  through 
dwelling  on  it,  the  idea  came  to  me  to  put  him  in  a 
situation  where  he  would  be  seriously  obliged  to  as 
sume  it  altogether.  And  with  the  inception  of  that 
idea,  I  had  the  bent  and  the  impelling  factor  of  my 
story.  The  construction  would  be  along  the  line 
of  discovering  why  an  Englishman  would  have  to 
pretend  to  be  an  American,  and  along  the  further 
line  of  his  experiences  after  he  began  to  do  so. 

If  I  were  permitted  to  say  to  a  dozen  American 
and  English  playwrights  of  to-day,  Pinero,  Jones, 
Gillette,  Chambers,  Broadhurst,  Winchell  Smith, 
Maugham,  Sheldon  and  so  on,  "  What  made  an 
ultra-Englishman  in  America  pretend  to  be  an 
American?  Answer  promptly,"  they  would  reply 
in  chorus,  "  a  woman."  That  is  the  dramatist's 
formula,  and  it  was  mine.  And  the  dramatists 


PREFACE.  7 

would  be  agreed  on  the  next  step :  "  Find  the 
woman." 

We  must  note  that  Dorsay,  in  my  mind,  was  to 
be  of  the  nobility.  Commonly  that  fact  would  pred 
icate  American  heiress,  socially  ambitious.  But  to 
make  the  Englishman  different  from  the  stencil,  and 
the  woman  more  respectable,  I  decided  to  have  a 
case  of  mutual  attraction,  with  the  personal  rank 
and  worth  of  each  unknown  to  the  other.  Instead 
of  a  nobleman  coming  to  America  to  find  a  woman, 
I  would  have  him  follow  in  search  of  the  woman. 
This,  and  the  woman's  curiosity  about,  and  interest 
in  him,  provide  "  the  double  enigma,"  one  of  the 
thirty-six  dramatic  situations,  since  defined  by  M. 
George  Polti. 

I  don't  think  that  in  any  of  the  preceding  pref 
aces  I  have  recorded  that  at  this  stage  of  a  play's 
development,  that  is  to  say  when  I  have  conceived 
two  or  three  of  the  principal  personages,  it  has  been 
my  practice  to  get  acquainted  with  them  before 
going  further.  Considering  a  man  or  woman,  I 
reason  out,  or  dream  out,  his  or  her  age,  tempera 
ment,  appearance,  profession,  possessions,  politics, 
religion,  sentimental  experiences,  education,  college, 
school,  birthplace,  relations,  parents.  The  text  of 
the  play  may  carry  no  direct  statement  of  any  one 
of  these  factors,  but  their  determination  in  my  own 
mind,  and  their  setting  down  in  writing,  keep  a 
character  consistent  in  his  behaviour  and  utter 
ances  ;  and,  in  my  thought,  give  him  body  and  dis 
placement. 

Dorsay  was  almost  ready-made  to  my  hand.  He 
even  provided  his  own  wardrobe,  flowered  waist 
coat,  spats,  bowler  hat,  long  walking-stick,  signet 
ring  and  all.  I  had  only  to  find  him  a  title. 

I  felt  and  reasoned  that  it  would  be  piquant  for 
the  woman  "  Harriet "  to  be  a  grass  widow  who 
had  resumed  her  maiden  name.  Under  the  prov- 


8  PREFACE. 

erb,  this  should  make  her  "  twice  shy,"  while  at  the 
same  time  it  removed  her  from  the  ingenue  class 
then  being  badly  overworked.  I  had  her  travelling 
on  the  Continent,  because,  if  the  Earl  followed  her 
to  America,  she  must  have  been  where  he  could 
have  seen  her  more  than  once  in  Europe. 

It  seems  to  be  a  basic  principle  in  comedy  that 
certain  things,  which  though  done  twice  are  not 
necessarily  funny,  are  extremely  so  if  done  a  third 
time  or  of tener.  For  example :  a  "  catch  line  "  only 
noticeable  on  its  second  utterance,  may  be  very 
characteristic  and  mirth-compelling  when  repeated. 

I  decided  that  the  Earl  should  have  seen  Harriet 
at  least  three  times  before  crossing  the  Atlantic,  in 
order  to  meet  her  again. 

One  item  of  national  importance  in  Dorsay's  per 
sonal  knowledge  was  the  fact  that  "  One  can't  take 
a  dog  into  England  without  a  permit."  For  all  I 
know,  that  may  be  a  regulation  in  the  United 
States,  or  Peru,  but  I  have  found  it  of  heroic  pro 
portion  in  the  estimation  of  many  Englishmen.  I 
mentally  saw  Harriet  with  a  pet  dog  on  a  Channel 
steamer,  and  embarrassed  by  this  rule.  That  was 
the  first  time  that  she  and  the  Earl  met — in  my 
fancy.  I  logically  enforced  an  earlier  encounter 
under  serio-comic  conditions  in  a  little  Hotel  I  re 
membered  on  the  rue  de  Rivoli,  and  a  third  meeting 
in  London. 

Let  me  here  recount  and  apply  a  short  experience 
of  my  own.  I  am  conscious  of  the  detached  and 
disconnected  effect  these  stories  produce  in  a 
preface,  but  I  accept  the  effect  and  incorporate  it, 
because  play-writing  is  less  by  rigid  rule  than  it  is 
by  easy  association;  and  I  shall  confer  a  benefit  if 
I  can  impress  any  intending  dramatist  with  the 
value  of  remembering  the  casual  happenings  in  his 
own  experience. 

I  didn't  go  up  in  the  Ferris  wheel  at  the  Chicago 


PREFACE.  9 

World's  Fair  in  1893  because  I  dramatized  the 
wheel  sticking  when  my  car  should  reach  the  top 
of  the  turn.  In  1899  I  sa^  so  to  Maurice  Barry- 
more  as  we  stood  looking  at  the  same  wheel  trans 
ported  to,  and  set  up  at  Earl's  Court,  London. 

"  Well,  the  thing  has  stuck  twice  since  it's  been 
here,"  said  Barry,  "  one  time  for  twenty-four 
hours." 

A  policeman  who  was  standing  by  took  up  the 
story,  and  told  us  how  a  sailorman  climbed  to  the 
cars  with  coffee  and  sandwiches  for  the  imprisoned 
patrons. 

"  A  lot  of  good  stories,"  he  added,  smiling,  "  fel 
lows  with  other  fellows'  wives  and  all  that  sort  of 
thing." 

I  expressed  my  yokel  astonishment  as  to  how  the 
sailorman  could  have  managed  it,  up  to  the  topmost 
cars.  The  bobby's  tolerant  answer  "  set  "  the  story 
in  my  mind  for  ail  time. 

"  Well  you  see,  sir,  'is  mother'd  taught  'im  to  'old 
on  good  and  'ard,  and  'e  did." 

Of  course  the  incidents  of  Earl's  Court,  the 
Channel  steamer,  and  the  Paris  Hotel  would  be 
background  in  my  play.  Economy  of  scenery,  econ 
omy  of  time,  economy  of  attention,  all  dictated 
that ;  and  the  Englishman-in- America  idea  en 
forced  an  American  setting. 

Without  studying  over  it  profoundly,  I  think  it  is 
safe  to  say  that  the  liveliest  plays  are  those  whose 
action  is  supposed  to  be  in  the  smallest  period  of 
time. 

I  kept  that  fact  in  view.  Mentally,  I  now  had  the 
Earl  and  Harriet  in  America,  and  about  to  meet 
again.  Harriet  was  under  the  protection  of  her 
father.  I  had  "  Father  "  all  figured  out  and  defined. 
Vaguely  I  meant  to  use  him  as  opposition,  the  con 
flicting  force,  without  which  drama  does  not  exist; 
but  Father  wasn't  enough;  so  I  invented  Senator 


TO  PREFACE. 

Barker  as  a  suitor  for  Harriet,  I  saw  him  as  an  old 
friend  of  the  family,  familiar  with  her  history ;  and 
his  addition  to  the  cast  gave,  in  my  thinking,  a 
warm  and  intimate  and  cushioned  side  to  her  story. 
At  first  I  thought  of  the  divorced  husband,  repent 
ant  and  solicitous.  I  dismissed  that  attitude  on  his 
part,  but  I  couldn't  dismiss  him.  He  was  a  menac 
ing  figure  in  the  American  background.  I  there 
fore  banished  him  to  Europe.  I  made  him  the  pro 
totype  of  some  wastrel  expatriates  I  knew  over 
there,  and  he  was  quiet  for  a  while  in  his  trans-At 
lantic  exile. 

My  Earl  put  up  incognito  at  the  Waldorf,  and  I 
had  Harriet  and  her  father  there  also  just  visiting 
after  their  return  from  abroad.  The  Senator  was 
up  from  Washington.  The  Earl  was  arranging  an 
introduction  to  Harriet  through  mutual  friends  I 
was  inventing;  and  it  became  necessary  to  have  an 
American  name  for  him.  The  most  natural  ques 
tion  after  introduction  would  be  "  Are  you  related 
to  the— -my  friends  of  that  name  in  Boston  or  Paw- 
tucket  or  where  not?'"  an  embarrassing  question, 
provocative  of  embarrassing  inventions  to  a  mas- 
querader,  and  thereby  a  promising  element.  Why 
not  the  accidental  choice  of  a  name  that  should  be 
the  most  embarrassing  possible?  What  would  that 
name  be?  Harriet  was  again  using  her  father's 
name.  Why  not  have  the  Earl  accidentally  get  the 
name  of  her  divorced  husband,  which  might  be  a 
very  common  one?  1  reasoned  (<  too  farcical  a 
coincidence.'"  But  why  coincidence?  Why  acci 
dent?  Why  not  by  design  or  pre-arrangement  ? 
What  simpler  than  the  name  suggested  to  the  Earl 
by  some  practical  joker,  such  as  always  appeared  in 
a  Dorsay  neighborhood?  And  in  that  event,  some 
unusual  and  striking  name.  But  what  joker?  What 
motive  ?  And  so,  slowly,  I  backed  squarely  into  the 
divorced  husband,  Montgomery  Putnam. 


PREFACE.  ii 

I  have,  in  several  of  the  other  prefaces,  remarked, 
in  the  evolution  of  a  plot,  the  appearance  of  this 
solvent  of  a  difficulty,  or  this  master-key  to  some 
dead-lock.  Here  was  another  example  of  it.  As 
one  critic  said,  Montgomery  Putnam  himself,  not 
in  the  cast,  was  the  most  amusing  person  in  the 
story;  and  the  critic  longed  to  make  his  acquaint 
ance. 

This  original  Montgomery  Putnam  was  a  great 
find  for  me.  He  equipped  my  Earl,  about  to  visit 
America,  with  a  note-book  full  of  useful  names — 
persons  that  would  not  detect  the  imposture,  be 
cause  Putnam  had  lived  so  much  of  his  life  abroad, 
He  gave  me  his  sisters,  Jane  and  Sarah;  and 
Sarah's  daughter,  Ella.  Jane  brought  in  Hooper; 
and  Ella  suggested  her  young  man  Arthur ;  and  her 
father,  Mr.  Seaford.  Putnam's  being  divorced,  and 
his  staying  in  Europe  suggested  alimony  in  New 
York — alimony  accumulating,  and  carrying  with 
it  contempt  of  court.  It  was  a  wonderful  mess  to 
bring  a  clean  and  serious  and  chivalrous  and  unsus 
pecting  Englishman  into ;  and  it  all  lent  itself  to 
rapid  complication  and  explosion,  perfectly  suited 
to  the  orderly  events  of  one  cumulative  day.  From 
that  standpoint,  and  with  that  prospect,  my  next 
step  was  to  jump  at  once  to  the  most  serious  com 
plication  that  the  Earl's  deception  and  the  antago 
nism  of  all  persons  affected  by  it,  could  produce;  a 
situation  wherein  Harriet's  father,  the  Senator, 
Jane,  Hooper,  Ella,  Ella's  father,  Arthur,  and  the 
State  of  New  York  should  all  be  arrayed  against 
him;  and,  finding  that  situation,  make  it  the  end  of 
my  second  act,  with  the  process  of  extrication  serv 
ing  as  the  third  act.  A  logical  arrangement  of 
events  leading  to  the  situation  would  be  ground  plan 
for  acts  one  and  two. 

To  enumerate  these  events  would  be  to  re-write, 
tiresomely,  the  play.  This  exposition  of  the  ap- 


12  PREFACE. 

proach  to  them  is  all  that  is  needed  to  make  the 
play's  anatomy  interesting  to  those  technically  in 
clined. 

When  my  story  was  well  in  hand,  my  newspaper 
training  impelled  me  to  familiarize  myself  with  the 
proposed  scenes  or  it — the  three  locations  in  the 
Waldorf-Astoria  Hotel.  Reporter-like,  I  stated  my 
project  to  the  business  manager  of  the  Hotel,  and 
met  a  most  chilling  and  discouraging  reception. 
The  hotel  could  lend  itself  to  no  enterprise  of  that 
kind.  So,  two  days  later  I  drove  to  the  hotel  in  a 
cab  with  my  wife  and  with  a  trunk  and  valises. 
The  room-clerk  had  us  shown  several  rooms  and 
suites.  I  chose  the  one  I  thought  suited  to  the  Earl. 
The  rate,  without  meals,  was  forty  dollars  a  day. 
We  stopped  only  one  day,  but  the  forty  dollars  put 
into  my  comedy  the  incidents  of  the  floor-waiter, 
and  the  lunch  of  act  two;  the  physical  relation  of 
rooms  implied  and  indicated  in  that  set ;  the  outlook 
onto  Fifth  Avenue;  and  the  little  touches  of  clock 
and  boot-box,  that  helped  lend  reality  when  done, 
and  sharpened  my  conceptions  in  the  doing.  Our 
breakfast  in  the  palm-room,  and  afternoon  coffee 
in  the  Turkish  room  enabled  me  to  make  drawings 
that  served  the  scenic  artists  when  we  came  to  pre 
pare  the  production. 

My  comedy  was  done  by  the  time  Mr.  Frohman 
came  back  from  London;  but  my  cable  for  Dorsay 
had  meant  to  him  only  the  engagement  of  a  minor 
character.  He  was  warm  in  his  approval  of  the 
play,  but  he  declined  to  risk  Dorsay  as  the  star.  I 
could  see  no  other  exponent.  Mr.  Frohman  gener 
ously  released  Dorsay,  and  under  the  management 
of  Mr.  Kirke  La  Shelle,  Dorsay  starred  in  the  play 
three  years,  and  at  the  end  of  that  time  returned  to 
Mr.  Frohman  to  star  in  another  play. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

First  produced  at  the  Madison  Square  Theater, 
New  York,  February  5th,  1903,  with  the  following 
cast: 

CHARACTERS   IN  THEIR  ORDER  OF  AP 
PEARANCE. 

HEADWAITER Wilbur  Hudson 

HENRY H.  H.  Sleight 

CONRAD Alfred  Mayo 

PAUL /.  Wilberforce  Thompson 

MR.  FORDYCE Charles  W.  Stokes 

SENATOR  BARKER Robert  McWade 

LORD  CARDINGTON Lawrence  D'Orsay 

PAGE James  Gardner 

HARRIET  FORDYCE Elizabeth  Tyree 

Miss  JANE  PUTNAM Louise  Sydmeth 

ELLA  SEAFORD Jane  Van  Buskirk 

MR.  SEAFORD John  W,  Paul 

ARTHUR  WEATHERBEE John  W.  Dean 

WILKINS Ernest  Elton 

MR.  SILAS  HOOPER James  Ottley 

MR.  DUFFIELD Frederick  Hawthorne 

HALL  WAITER Frederick  Hozvthorne 

CRENNAN Wilbur  Hudson 

13 


[Tie    Earl    of  Pawtucket 


ACT  I. 

SCENE:— A  corner  of  the  Palm-room  of  the 
Waldorf-Astoria  Hotel.  The  walls  running  up 
obliquely  from  the  procenium  arch  meet  and 
make  a  right-angle  at  right  center  back.  Down 
•front  in  the  right  wall  is  a  large  arch  leading 
presumably  to  the  corridor  of  the  hotel — In 
left  wall  at  front,  swinging  baize  doors  lead 
to  service  quarters.  The  rest  of  the  left  wall 
is  of  large  windows  looking  to  Fifth  avenue, 
and  below  their  half-raised  shirred  curtains  is 
a  glimpse  of  the  avenue. 

As  near  the  curtain  line  as  possible  and  a 
trifle  right  of  center  is  a  round  table  to  serve 
four.  Smaller  tables  are  at  back,  right  and 
left,  and  another  is  still  further  front  at  left 
with  two  chairs.  The  room  is  dressed  with 
palms  in  tubs. 

At  rise  Waiters  No.  I  and  II  are  discovered 
R.  and  L.  itp-stage.  HEADWAITER  enters  R.  2  and 
crosses  L.  He  signals  to  an  omnibus  waiter 
who  enters  L.  2.  HEADWAITER  turns  to  c.  to 
meet  FORDYCE  and  SENATOR  BARKER,  now  en 
tering  R.  2.  SENAROR  has  newspaper,  FORDYCE 
has  unopened  mail.  FORDYCE  is  the  well-fed 
competent  business  man  of  the  Middle  West. 
The  SENATOR  is  smaller  and  with  hair  and 
whiskers:  not  a  statesman  but  a  representative 
of  the  interests.  During  this  time  "  OMNIBUS  " 
15 


16          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

has  removed  dishes  from  service  table  c.  and 
has  made  his  exit  L.  HEADWAITERS  indicates 
table  D.  L. 

FORDYCE.  (To  HEADWAITER)  Can't  we  sit 
here?  (Indicating  table  c.) 

HEADWAITER.  Certainly,  sir.  Two?  (HEAD- 
WAITER  puts  a  chair  for  SENATOR  L.  2ND  WAITER 
seats  FORDYCE  R.  of  table  c) 

FORDYCE.     (Sitting)     Three. 

SENATOR.  (Sitting  L.  of  table)  No,  I  don't  wish 
anything. 

FORDYCE.     (Persuasively)     Some  fruit? 

(2ND  WAITER  back  of  table.) 

SENATOR.  (Positively)  Nothing.  I  had  a  cup 
of  hot  water  on  the  train. 

(HEADWAITER  crosses  to  table  D.   L.   and  secures 
menu  card.) 

FORDYCE.    Hot  water? 

SENATOR.  Nothing  like  it.  Warms  the  stomach, 
prompts  the  circulation,  doesn't  burden  the  brain. 
(Opens  paper  and  reads) 

FORDYCE.  (To  HEADWAITER)  Well,  I'll  have 
some  provisions. 

(HEADWAITER    crosses.      Takes    pad    from    2ND 
WAITER,   who   retires   L.) 

HEADWAITER.     (Attentively)    Yes,  sir! 

FORDYCE.  And — young  lady,  my  daughter,  will 
join  me.  (HEADWAITER  bows.  FORDYCE  adjusts 
glasses)  Gimme  a  programme!  (HEADWAITER 
hands  menu,  and  stands  at  attention  with  order 
blank.  FORDYCE  scanning  card — mumbles)  Shell 
fish,  vegetables.  Where's  your  fruit? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          17 

HEADWAITER.  There,  sir.  (HEADWAITER  goes  R. 
below  table  to  take  order) 

FORDYCE.  Oh,  yes — 'M — (Removes  glasses) 
Some  grape  fruit,  Senator  ? 

SENATOR.     Nothing,  really. 

FORDYCE.  (Persuading)  They  scoop  it  out  here 
and  put  some  sort  of  cologne  or  hair  tonic  on  it. 

SENATOR.    No,  no,  believe  me. 

FORDYCE.  (Resuming  glasses)  Well,  bring  two 
of  them  for  me  and  the  young  lady. 

HEADWAITER.    Two  grape  fruits. — Yes,  sir  ? 

FORDYCE.  Then,  coffee  and  rolls,  and —  (Pauses 
and  removes  glasses)  What's  the  matter  with  the 
butter  you've  got  here  ? 

HEADWAITER.    Butter  ? 

FORDYCE.  Yes.  No  taste  to  it.  I  want  Ameri 
can  butter  with  salt  in  it.  (HEADWAITER  bows  to 
FORDYCE)  All  over  Europe  you  get  that  tasteless 
fresh  butter.  I'd  as  lief  have  vaseline;  and  why  a 
big  hotel  like  the  Waldorf-Astoria 

HEADWAITER.  (With  superior  smile)  We  have 
salt  butter  also. 

FORDYCE.     Well,  bring  it.     (Adjusts  glasses) 

HEADWAITER.    Yes,  sir!    (Writes) 

FORDYCE.  Then  give  me  an  omelette — Spanish 
omelette. 

HEADWAITER.  (Repeating  and  writing)  Span 
ish  omelette. 

FORDYCE.  Single  order  of  potatoes,  hash 
brown 

HEADWAITER.    Hash  brown,  potatoes 

FORDYCE.  (With  finality)  Then  I  want  a  piece 
of  rhubarb  pie. 

HEADWAITER.     (Placidly)     Rhubarb  pie. 

(The  SENATOR  has  been  looking  at  newspaper,  turns 
in  astonishment.) 

FORDYCE.    (Defiantly,  as  if  replying  to  SENATOR'S 


i8          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

look}  Rhubarb  pie!  Oh,  I  don't  care.  I  was  born 
and  lived  in  Vermont  till  I  was  fourteen.  (To 
HEADWAITER)  That's  all.  (HEADWAITER  bows  and 
turns  to  2ND  WAITER  with  order,  walks  L.  explain 
ing  to  him)  Harriet  thinks  it's  disgusting,  but 
when  we're  late  to  breakfast  and  alone,  /  have  my 
pie. 

2ND  WAITER.     (L.  R.    Reads)     Rhubarb  pie? 

HEADWAITER.  Yes.  (2ND  WAITER  turns  and  re 
gards  FORDYCE)  Go  on!  (Exit  2ND  WAITER. 
HEADWAITER  regarding  CARDINGTON)  Again? 
He's  had  coffee  twice  already.  (Spoken  as  CARD 
INGTON  is  about  to  enter.  Enter  LORD  CARRINGTON, 
newspaper  in  hand,  crosses  to  table  L.  He  is  the 
heavy  guardsman  type  zvith  monocle  and  mous- 
tachios.  HEADWAITER  crosses  after  CARDINGTON) 

SENATOR.  (To  FORDYCE  who  regards  CARDING 
TON)  What  is  it? 

FORDYCE.  My  eyes  are  so  bad,  and  these  are  my 
reading  glasses —  (Opens  letter.  SENATOR  re 
sumes  paper.  HEADWAITER  seats  CARDINGTON  R.  of 
table  down  left  and  then  stands  above  table  awaiting 
order) 

CARDINGTON.     Coffee. 

HEADWAITER.    Yes,  sir.    And  rolls? 

CARDINGTON.     No,  hang  it,  coffee— demi-tasse ! 

HEADWAITER.  Yes,  sir.  (Signals  and  meets  IST 
WAITER.  Exit  IST  WAITER  L.  CARDINGTON  takes 
newspaper,  but  regards  FORDYCE  over  it — HEAD- 
WAITER  retires  up  center) 

FORDYCE.    You  don't  mind  my  opening  my  mail. 

SENATOR.    Not  at  all.    Go  ahead! 

FORDYCE.  I  like  to  get  through  with  'em  before 
Harriet  comes,  though  she  always  says  "  don't 
mind  her." 

SENATOR.  (Immediately  interested  and  putting 
paper  aside)  Still  grieving?  (Sympathetically. 
FORDYCE  nods  sadly.  SENATOR  sighs) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          19 

FORDYCE.  (Suddenly  and  laying  aside  glasses) 
We  talk  about  law.  What  can  the  law  do  for  her? 
(SENATOR  shakes  his  head — Pause,  while  FORDYCE 
opens  letters)  I'm  her  father.  (Pause)  I  know. 
(Returns  to  mail.  SENATOR  turns  to  him  inquir 
ingly  then  resumes  paper)  This  damned  scoun 
drel's  off  in  Europe,  enjoying  himself,  while  Har 
riet  smiles  and  smiles,  and  lets  nobody  know  her 
heart  is  broken — broken —  (SENATOR  runs  fingers 
through  hair.  FORDYCE  resumes  mail) 

SENATOR.  (Pause.  Reflectively)  There's  so 
much  going  on  in  Washington,  all  the  time — 

FORDYCE.  (Pathetically)  I  know  there  is.  I'd 
like  to  see  her  do  anything  to  get  her  mind  off  of  it. 

SENATOR.  (Pause)  There's  Chauncey  Depew— 
(Pause)  Now  I'm  fifteen  years  younger  than 
Depew — and — 

FORDYCE.     I  told  Harriet  twenty. 

(SENATOR  runs  his  hand  through  his  hair.) 
SENATOR.     (Nodding)     She  knows  I'm  here? 

(Enter  "  OMNIBUS"  with  plates  and  napkins  for  c. 
table.) 

FORDYCE.  (Nodding)  I  told,  her  you'd  ridden 
from  Washington  all  night  to  be  with  her  here  at 
breakfast.  (Pause)  What's  the  matter  with  a 
three  minutes'  egg  ? 

(SENATOR  shaking  head  and  touching  stomach.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Aside)  I  wonder  if  she's  com 
ing? 

SENATOR.  (Pause)  You  see,  one  trouble  is — 
that  you  give  her  nearly  everything  a  woman  can 
desire. 


20          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

FORDYCE.  Well,  why  not  ?  Man's  only  child — no 
mother 

SENATOR.  (Heartily)  Bless  your  heart,  Judge, 
if  you  didn't  do  it,  I'd  never  speak  to  you  on  the 
street.  I'm  only  saying  a  poor  girl'd  be  attracted 
by  what  men  like  me  could  give  her. 

FORDYCE.    Naturally. 

SENATOR.  If  she'd  never  been  married,  let  us 
say 

FORDYCE.    That's  also  true.    I  see  that. 

SENATOR.  Sometimes — (Pause)  Er— the  mere 
novelty  of  it —  (Resumes  paper) 

FORDYCE.  But,  my  dear  Senator,  you  keep  over 
looking  the  main  point — I  think  she  still  likes  this 
fellow. 

SENATOR.    Then  why  did  she  get  a  divorce  ? 

FORDYCE.    Why,  pride,  damn  it. 

(Enter  IST  WAITER  with  coffee  for  CARDINGTON.) 
SENATOR.     Pride?    You  don't  mean  she  wanted 
those  pictures  in  the  newspapers? 

(OMNIBUS  enters.  Business  at  c.  table.  Fills 
glasses  with  ivater.  Puts  menu  card  on  table 
up-stage. ) 

FORDYCE.  (Half -disgusted  laugh)  I  mean  the 
fellow's  neglect  stung  her  pride.  A  girl  like  Har 
riet  won't  play  second  fiddle,  husband  or  no  hus 
band. 

SENATOR.    I  see.     (Resumes  paper) 

CARDINGTON.  How  many  has  that  party  ordered 
breakfast  for? 

IST  WAITER.  (Regarding  table)  Places  for 
two,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.     (Disappointed)     Only  two? 

IST  WAITER.    Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.    Only  two?    You  don't  happen  to 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          21 

know  their  names?  (WAITER  shakes  head)  Bill, 
please? 

IST  WAITER.     (Turns  up)    Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  (Aside)  I  can't  be  mistaken  in 
the  old  chap.  I  suppose  the  girl's  having  breakfast 
in  her  room. 

(WAITER  gives  him  check.) 

SENATOR.  I'd  like  Harriet  to  hear  my  speech 
Monday,  just  happen  in,  as  it  were,  you  and 

FORDYCE.    Senate  ? 
SENATOR.    Yes, 

(CARDINGTON  rises,  gives  WAITER  a  "tip.) 

IST  WAITER.  Coming  back,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  No. 

IST  WAITER.  Isn't  the  coffee  right,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  Perfectly,  I  only  wanted  a  smell 
of  it. 

(Crosses  R.  and  exits.  IST  WAITER  looks  after  him, 
as  he  goes,  then  smells  the  coffee  himself — 
Exit  L.) 

PAGE  BOY.  (Heard  off  L.)  Telegram  for  Mont 
gomery  Putnam.  (Enter  PAGE  L.,  crosses  R.  with 
telegram  on  salver,  calling)  Telegram  for  Mont 
gomery  Putnam! 

(SENATOR  and  FORDYCE  start.) 

PAGE  BOY.  (Going  R.,  calls)  Telegram  for 
Montgomery  Putnam. 

FORDYCE.  (Rising)  Let  me  see  that.  (Takes 

telegram)  Montgomery  Putnam,  Waldorf-Astoria. 


22          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

PACE  BOY.     You  Mr.  Putnam,  sir? 

FORDYCE.  Not  by  a  damn  sight!  (To  envelope) 
What's  that  mean?  354  with  a  ring  around  it? 

PAGE  BOY,    Room,  sir, 

FORDYCE.    Take  it. 

PAGE  BOY.  Yes,  sir.  (Goes — calls)  Telegram 
for  Montgomery  Putnam!  (Exit  PAGE  R.,  calling) 

( FORDYCE  sits — glares  at  SENATOR.     "OMNIBUS" 
exit  with  CARDINGTON'S  dishes.) 

SENATOR.  (Fate fully)     New  York  1 

FORDYCE.  This  Hotel. 

SENATOR.  She  know  it  ? 

FORDYCE.  'Course  not.  (Pause)  We've  got  to 
get  out! 

SENATOR.  Then  why  not  Washington  ? 

FORDYCE.  When's  the  train  go? 

(Enter  2ND  WAITER — Brings  on  grape  fruit,  etc.) 

SENATOR.  (Rises.  Goes  to  door  R.)  Every 
hour  or  so— any  time. 

FORDYCE.  All  right— (Jumps  up  and  starts  to  go 
to  door  R.) 

2ND  WAITER.  Grape  fruit,  sir?  FORDYCE  looks 
at  SENATOR — Pause.  WAITER  arranges  plates,  etc., 
on  table.  Puts  grape  fruit  on  table  in  front  of 
HARRIET'S  plate.  Finger  boivl  each  side  of  table) 

SENATOR.     Got  to  have  her  breakfast,  I  suppose, 

FORDYCE.     Send  it  to  the  room. 

(Enter  IST  WAITER.     Stands  up  L.) 

2ND  WAITER.  (c)  Yes,  sir,  what  number? 
(Takes  up  grape  fruit) 

SENATOR.  (Who  is  near  the  door.  Quickly) 
She's  here,  Fordyce ! 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          23 
FORDYCE.     (Alarmed)     Harriet? 

(Enter  HARRIET.) 
SENATOR.    Yes. 

(  FORDYCE  turns.) 

HARRIET.  (Gaily)  Why,  Senator,  what  an 
agreeable  surprise! 

SENATOR.  (Unctuously)  Well,  well!  Left 
Washington  at  midnight. 

(They  shake  hands  and  laugh.) 

2ND  WAITER.  "(Holding  grape  fruit  above  table) 
What  room,  sir? 

FORDYCE.  (Fiercely,  turning)  Put  it  down! 
Keep  still! 

FORDYCE.  (With  watch)  My  dear,  it's  after  ten. 
Besides,  the  Senator  wants  to  take  us  to  Washing 
ton. 

HARRIET.     (Astonished)    Why? 

FORDYCE.    He's  got  a  speech  to  make  in  the — 

SENATOR.  Nonsense!  That's  a  mere  interrup 
tion  to  the  general  plan. 

FORDYCE.    Of  course,  but  Harriet'd  enjoy— 

HARRIET.  (Sitting  at  upper  side  of  table) 
What  is  the  general  plan? 

SENATOR.  Er — a — -we'll  explain  that  on  the 
train.  (Sits) 

HARRIET.  But — is  it  so  urgent  ?  You  know  Fri 
day  night,  papa,  we've  invited  the  Kembles— 

FORDYCE.  (Sitting)  Certainly.  Come  back  for 
that.  You  know — come  back  in  five  hours.  What's 
that:  Pooh!  (Assumes  the  breezy  manner) 

HARRIET.  Oh,  then  your  general  plan's  only  for 
to-morrow  and  Thursday? 


24          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

FORDYCE.     (Eagerly)     Exactly. 

SENATOR.  (Easily)  Not  at  all.  Oh — days — 
and — (Pause)  days— 

HARRIET.     But 

FORDYCE.  (With  fateful  calm)  My  dear  Har 
riet,  wait  until  we  get  on  the  train.  Eat  your  grape 
fruit,  my  dear.  Train  leaves  at  noon,  and  take  our 
word  for  it.  We  never  deceived  you,  did  we  ?  The 
Senator  and  I  ? 

HARRIET.  (Smiling  at  his  earnestness)  De 
ceived  me? 

SENATOR.  (Trying  to  reach  FORDYCE  with  his 
foot)  Ha!  Ha!  Ha!  (HARRIET  looks  at  SEN 
ATOR)  He  will  have  his  joke,  you  know.  Ha  I  Ha ! 

(HEAD WAITER  appears  R.,  preceding  AUNT  JANE. 
HARRIET  turns  to  her  father  and  sees  JANE 
outside — her  face  changes  seriously.) 

HARRIET.  Oh ! 

FORDYCE.  What  is  it  ?     (Follows  her  gaze) 

SENATOR.  What?    Who? 

HARRIET.  (In  awed  whisper)     Aunt  Jane! 

(Enter  JANE,  conducted  by  HEAD  WAITER.    JANE  is 
positive,  fairly  fat  and  in  the  roaring  forties,) 

SENATOR.    (After  look  at  JANE)    The  lady? 
(FORDYCE  nods — JANE  sits  L.  of  table  up-stage.) 

SENATOR.    Who  is  she? 

HARRIET.  (Still  whispering)  Miss  Jane  Put 
nam,  Montgomery  Putnam's  elder  sister. 

(HEAD WAITER   signals    IST   WAITER   who   attends 
JANE.     HEAD  WAITER  exit  R.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          25 

SENATOR.    Sister.    You  call  her  "  Aunt  Jane/* 
HARRIET.     All  the  family  call  her  "  Aunt  Jane." 
She's  so  fond  of  her  niece — her  sister's  child. 
SENATOR.    I  see, 

HARRIET.    What  shall  I  do,  papa? 
FORDYCE.    Do  ? 

(JANE  puts  on  her  glasses.) 

HARRIET.    Aunt  Jane  was  always  so  sweet  to  me. 

FORDYCE,  (With  bombast)  Do?  Why,  do  noth 
ing!  She's  nothing  to  us.  (JANE,  who  has  caught 
FORDYCE'S  eye,  bows.  FORDYCE  bows  and  grins) 

HARRIET.      (Under  her  breath)     She  sees  us? 

(JANE  rises.     HARRIET  turns  and  rises.     SENATOR 
rises  and  stands  L.  of  c.) 

HARRIET.    Why,  Miss — Aunt  Jane — I'm  so  glad. 
JANE.     (Impulsively)    Harriet,  you  dear  thing! 

(They  kiss  and  embrace.) 

FORDYCE.     (To  SENATOR)     They're  off! 

JANE.  How  well  you  look,  dear.  I  never  saw 
you — and  Mr.  Fordyce 

FORDYCE.  Miss  Putnam.  (Offering  to  shake 
hands) 

JANE.  Nonsense.  (Withholding  her  hand) 
You'll  call  me  Aunt  Jane,  just  as  you  always  did. 
(Then  shaking  hands  with  FORDYCE)  Montgomery 
shan't  drive  my  friends  away — no,  indeed ! 

FORDYCE.  Thank  you,  Aunt  Jane.  Nor  mine,  I 
hope. 

HARRIET.  Aunt  Jane,  may  I  introduce  Senator 
Barker,  Miss  Putnam? 

(SENATOR  bows.    Enter  HEAD  WAITER  R.) 


26          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

JANE.  (Crossing  to  him)  Senator  Barker! 
(Shakes  hands — looks  at  him  carefully  through 
glasses)  My,  how  those  comic-papers  do  exagger 
ate  our  public  men! 

(SENATOR  smiles  and  bows.  Goes  up-stage,  crosses 
to  R.  behind  table.  CARDINGTON  re-enters  with 
great  manner,  but  unnoticed.  Crosses  to  his 
table  L.  HEADWAITER  seats  him  left  of  table  L. 
Holds  menu  card.  Waits  for  him  to  speak.) 

HARRIET.  (Back  of  table)  Won't  you  sit  with 
us,  Aunt  Jane? 

JANE,  Just  a  moment.  (Sits  L.  of  table  in  SEN 
ATOR'S  chair) 

(HARRIET  resumes  her  place.  FORDYCE  places  his 
own  chair  R.  c.  for  SENATOR.  FORDYCE  brings 
another  chair  forward  and  sits  R.  of  table.) 

FORDYCE.  Well,  this  is  quite  an  unexpected  plea 
sure. 

JANE.  Isn't  it?  I  thought  you  were  in  Europe. 
Where  is  my  waiter?  (Signals  IST  WAITER,  who 
coynes  down  L.  of  JANE) 

HARRIET.  We  returned  on  the  Wilhelm  der 
Grosse  last  week. 

JANE.  (To  WAITER)  What  have  you  written? 
(To  others)  Excuse  me! 

IST  WAITER.    Large  pot  of  coffee  and  rolls. 

JANE.    And  lamb  chops — that's  all. 

IST  WAITER.     Serve  for  two? 

JANE.    Two,  yes.    (IST  WAITER  goes) 

CARDINGTON.     (Drawling)     Coffee ! 

HEADWAITER.  Coffee — yes  sir.  (Exit  L.  door. 
Returns  in  a  moment  and  goes  c.) 

JANE.     Ella's  with  me. 

HARRIET.     (Delighted)    Ella ! 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          27 

FORDYCE.  (Explaining  to  SENATOR)  Miss  Sea- 
ford  of  Cleveland.  Seaford's  in  Street  Railroads. 

JANE.  Yes,  her  mother,  my  sister  Sarah,  couldn't 
come,  so  I  offered  to  chaperone  Ella.  Besides  I've 
more  influence  with  Montgomery  than  the  rest  of 
the  family  has. 

HARRIET.     (Alarmed)     Montgomery! 

( FORDYCE  yearns  toward  HARRIET) 

JANE.  Yes.  (To  SENATOR)  My  father  tied  up 
every  penny  he  left  to  any  of  us,  so  that  we  can't 
spend  a  cent  of  it  without  consulting  my  brother 
Montgomery.  (To  HARRIET)  Why,  yes,  Ella's 
going  to  be  married,  and  of  course  we  must  have 
Montgomery's  consent.  He's  stopping  in  the  hotel, 
here  and — 

(2ND  WAITER  enters  with  coffee  service,  rolls  and 
pie.    Stands  c.) 

HARRIET.     (Rising)     Here! 

( FORDYCE   goes   to   HARRIET.      SENATOR   goes    up 
stage  respectfully.     JANE  rises.) 

FORDYCE.  I  couldn't  tell  you,  dear. 

HARRIET.  Here!  Papa!  (Turns  aimlessly, 
meets  CARDINGTON'S  gaze.  Pier  face  lights.  She 
smiles  pleasantly,  bows.  CARDINGTON  rises,  bow 
ing) 

FORDYCE.     My  darling. 

HARRIET.  (Dazed)  I  think  I  will  go  to  my 
room. 

FORDYCE.     Yes.     (Starts  R.  with  HARRIET) 

2ND  WAITER.  Breakfast,  sir?  (At  table  with 
coffee  and  rolls) 

FORDYCE.     (Angrily)     I  don't  know. 


28          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 


(FORDYCE  and  HARRIET  exeunt.     SENATOR  comes 
down.    JANE  is  L.  of  table.) 

SENATOR.  (To  JANE,  indicating  direction  HAR 
RIET  has  gone)  Her  heart  is  broken. 

(2ND  WAITER  turns,  looks  after  HARRIET  sympa 
thetically.  HEADWAITER  corrects  him  by  a 
snap  of  the  fingers.) 

(2ND  WAITER  places  coffee  service  on  table  and 
takes  grape  fruit  and  finger-bowls  to  side  table. 
Then  puts  fresh  plates  at  places.  Arranges 
knives  and  forks  and — exit.  NOTE: — This  is 
done  quickly  and  before  the  SENATOR  speaks.) 

SENATOR.    And  she's  an  angel,  madam. 

JANE.  She  is  an  angel.  We  don't  differ  about 
that,  you  and  I.  Sit  down.  (Sifs.  SENATOR  with 
dignity  adjusts  his  own  chair  and  sits.  CARDING- 
TON  crosses  to  R.) 

(Enter  IST  WAITER  with  coffee.) 

HEADWAITER.  Coffee,  sir?  (Calling  after  CARD- 
INGTON) 

CARDINGTON.  (Angrily  and  impressively)  No! 
(Exit) 

(HEADWAITER   and   IST   WAITER   look  after   him. 
IST  WAITER  turns  to  HEADWAITER  helplessly.) 

HEADWAITER.  Take  it  back!  Keep  it  warm. 
He'll  be  back  again,  presently.  That's  four  times. 

(IST  WAITER  exit  i  L.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          29 

SENATOR.  And  your  brother's  a  brute,  Miss  Put 
nam,  a  brute! 

JANE.  My  dear  Senator  Barker —  (Pauses,  ad 
justs  glasses}  All  men  are  brutes. 

(Enter  OMNIBUS  door  L. — trims  JANE'S  table  up 
stage.     Exit  2ND  WAITER  door  L.) 

SENATOR.  (Pause)  At  your  brother's  age,  per 
haps  they  are. 

JANE.  (Pointedly)  Yes,  and  even  when  they're 
old  enough  to  be  my  brother's  father. 

SENATOR.  That  might  include  your  own  father, 
remember. 

JANE.  That  does  include  my  own  father,  and 
don't  you  forget  it. 

(HEAD WAITER  goes  and  stands  near  door  R.) 

SENATOR.  (Sitting  back  and  smiling)  Then  I 
don't  see  why  I  should  hope  to  escape. 

JANE.  Nor  I.  (Pause)  As  for  my  father,  could 
anything  be  more  brutal  than  his  leaving  every 
penny  dependent  upon  my  brother's  approval?  If 
I  wish  to  buy  a  summer  cottage — my  brother's  ap 
proval?  My  sister  Sarah  wishes  to  give  her  only 
daughter  a  suitable  wedding  gift ;  a  house  on  Euclid 
Avenue — my  brother's  approval.  Are  we  criminals, 
or  insane — we  women? 

SENATOR.  (Regarding  her  steadily)  Well — er 
— I  never  met  your  sister. 

JANE.    Ever  met  Montgomery,  my  brother  ? 

SENATOR.     I  never  did. 

JANE.  'M —  Well,  my  sister's  as  far  his  su 
perior — as  I  am.  He  should  have  been  left  in  our 
care.  (Exit  OMNIBUS  door  L.)  My  sister — well, 
here  comes  her  daughter — you  may  judge  by  her — 
(SENATOR  turns) 


30         THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

(Enter  ELLA.     She  is  the  typical  mid-western  in 
genue.) 

JANE.  Ella,  come  here,  my  dear!  (SENATOR 
rises — JANE  rises) 

JANE.     I  want  you  to  know  Senator  Barker. 

ELLA.  Senator.  (Smiling  and  offering  her 
hand) 

SENATOR.     (Taking  ELLA'S  hand)    Miss 

JANE.  Miss  Seaford,  of  Cleveland.  SENATOR 
bows,  shaking  hands)  My  sister  Sarah's  child. 
(SENATOR  starts  to  arrange  chair)  No,  our  table's 
there.  Senator  Barker,  my  dear,  is  the  Senator 
that  Puck  and  Judge  always  make  with  so  much 
hair,  and  that  card  on  his  breast  with  "  me  too  "  on 
it. 

(HEADWAITER  stands  attentively  by  table  up  L.  c.) 

ELLA.  (With  recognition)  Oh,  I  thought  I'd 
seen  him  somewhere. 

SENATOR.  I  never  said  "  me  too  "  in  all  my  po 
litical  career. 

JANE.  (To  ELLA,  crossing  to  her)  You  under 
stand,  my  dear,  the  correct  expression  would  be  "  I 
also."  (SENATOR  looks  at  JANE.  Enter  FORDYCE 
R.)  Mr.  Fordyce,  Ella.  (ELLA  turns) 

FORDYCE.  (Shaking  hands)  Why,  Ella.  I'm  so 
glad  to  see  you.  Your  aunt  tells  me — 

ELLA.     How's  Harriet? 

FORDYCE.  Well —  (Looks  to  others — ELLA  puz 
zled) 

JANE.  (Crossing  to  FORDYCE)  Where'd  you 
leave  her? 

FORDYCE.  Her  room.  I  guess  we'll  have  our 
breakfast  there. 

JANE.     Nonsense!     I'll  protect  her  from  Mont- 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          31 

gomery  Putnam.  Let  him  eat  in  his  room,  if  any 
body's  to  be  caged.  You  sit  right  down  to  your 
breakfast,  and  I'M  fetch  Harriet  back.  (Going  R.) 
What  room? 

FORDYCE.      (Tentatively)      365 — third   floor— 

JANE.  (Indicating  table  up  L.  c.)  That's  our 
table,  dear.  (Exit  R.) 

FORDYCE.  (Going  to  table  c.)  Won't  you  sit 
with  us,  Miss  Ella? 

ELLA.  (Smiling)  Well,  I  guess  I'll  mind 
Auntie.  (Goes  up  to  table,  HEADWAITER  seats  her 
L.  of  table.  FORDYCE  bows — sits  R.  of  table  down  c. 
SENATOR  sits  L.  of  table  in  his  proper  chair.  HEAD- 
WAITER  pours  water  for  ELLA) 

SENATOR,    Well 

(HEADWAITER  exit  R.  i.) 

FORDYCE.  Oh,  you  know,  Harriet — pulled  her 
self  together  in  the  elevator.  Marvel — that  girl ! 

SENATOR.    I  thought  he  was  in  Europe. 

FORDYCE.  (Angrily)  He  was,  when  we  left, 
(Pause)  Hell,  ain't  it? 

SENATOR.  (Nods)  Yes,  and  I  don't  see — this 
old  lady  helps  any. 

FORDYCE.  (Indignantly)  He's  just  come  back 
here  to  annoy  Harriet — that's  all. 

SENATOR.    Think  so? 

FORDYCE.  I  know  it.  Besides,  he's  no  right  here. 
Two  warrants  out  for  him, 

SENATOR.    Warrants  ? 

FORDYCE.     Certainly. 

SENATOR.    For  what? 

FORDYCE.     Alimony. 

SENATOR.     Alimony!     He  pay  Harriet  alimony. 

FORDYCE.  No,  but  he  ought  to — Court's  order. 
He's  five  thousand  dollars  in  contempt  now.  He 
hasn't  dared  to  show-Jiis  face  in  the  state  for  six 


32          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

months.  That's  why  I  thought  we  were  safe 
here. 

SENATOR.  (Regarding  watch)  Well, — we'll  get 
out  at  twelve. 

FORDYCE.  (Wearily)  No!  She's  changed  her 
mind. 

SENATOR.    Harriet  ? 

FORDYCE.    Yes,  she  wants  to  stay  here  now. 

SENATOR.    Why  ? 

FORDYCE.  Don't  know.  She  just  giggles 
and  half  cries,  and  then  laughs  again.  Kind  of 
hysterics. 

SENATOR.  (Giving  it  up)  Older  I  get — less  I 
understand  women. 

FORDYCE.  Me,  too!  (SENATOR  gives  him  sharp, 
quiet  look.  Pause)  Senator — I  don't  dare  trust 
myself  to  meet  this  fellow. 

SENATOR.    Why  should  you  meet  him? 

FORDYCE.  Somebody  should  ask  him  to  keep 
away  from  us — Harriet  and  me. 

SENATOR.  Well,  if  there  are  warrants  out  for 
him 

(Enter  2ND  WAITER  door  L.,  with  omelette  and  po 
tatoes.     Enter  IST  WAITER  door  L.) 

FORDYCE.    And  there  are. 

SENATOR.  (Staring  off  R.)  She's  coming  back 
again.  (Rises) 

FORDYCE.  (Turning)  Harriet!  (Rises — turns 
back  again)  Not  a  word  to  her. 

(Enter  HARRIET  and  JANE.) 

FORDYCE.    See  how  she  bears  up. 
JANE.    Ella! 

(FORDYCE  crosses  to  the  SENATOR,  who  is  L.  c.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          33 

ELLA.  (Rising  and  greeting  HARRIET  at  R.  of  c. 
above  table)  Harriet! 

HARRIET.     Ella— you  dear  thing. 

(They  kiss  effusively.) 

ELLA.  (Coquettishly)  Aunt  Jane  told  you,  I 
s'pose. 

HARRIET,    Yes.     He's  nice,  of  course? 

(They  flutter.) 

FORDYCE.  I  can't  stand  it,  Senator,  I  can't  stand 
it. 

SENATOR.    Stand  what? 

FORDYCE.  That  girl's  bravery.  Hits  me  right 
here.  (Strikes  his  breast.  To  2ND  WAITER  ivho 
stands  behind  table,  holding  omelette)  Put  that 
stuff  on  the  table. 

2ND  WAITER.     Yes,  sir.     (Gets  busy) 

FORDYCE.  I'll  just  bolt  something  and  pretend 
we  have  business  together. 

SENATOR.     Well,  we  have.    Your  attornevs. 

FORDYCE.     Sh— h— h ! 

HARRIET.  (Arranging  with  JANE  and  ELLA) 
Oh,  my  breakfast  is  right  here.  Shan't  have  to 
wait. 

(WAITER  draws  chair  for  HARRIET  and  seats  her.) 
JANE.    Well,  here's  ours,  too,  I  guess. 

(The  ladies  giggle  and  disperse— IST  WAITER  en 
ters  with  JANE'S  breakfast.  ELLA  and  JANE 
sit  up-stage.  HARRIET  takes  seat  with  FORDYCE 
HARRIET.  (Sitting)  There's  a  sweet  old  maid, 
and  SENATOR.  FORDYCE  serves  her  plate.) 

Senator,  if  there  ever  was  one, 


34          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

SENATOR.  (Assenting  rather  grimly)  We  had  a 
--III He  chat  together. 

HARRIET.  (To  2ND  WAITER  about  to  pour  coffee 
at  her  left)  I'll  do  that,  thank  you. 

2ND  WAITER.  (Bowing)  Pardon!  (Hurries 
around  and,  much  to  FOKDYCE'S  annoyance,  takes 
plate  FORDYCE  is  trying  to  pass;  places  it  at  HAR 
RIET'S  left) 

HARRIET.     You'll  have  a  cup  of  coffee,  Senator? 

SENATOR.    Not  even  that,  thank  you. 

HARRIET.     Father  ? 

FORDYCE.  (IV ho  is  about  to  take  coffee  cup  him 
self)  If  you  please,  dear.  (WAITER  takes  cup 
from  HARRIET— passes  around  to  FORDYCE'S  R.  and 
"places  cup  on  table)  I  don't  like  too  much  help, 
Senator.  (To  2ND  WAITER,  now  on  FORDYCE'S  R.) 
Gimme  my  pie!  (SENATOR  lifts  his  brows)  Some 
men  have'  a  man  to  button  their  shirt  collars,  but 
I'm  not  paralysed. 

(2ND  WAITER  takes  empty  chair  at  R.,  which 
FORDYCE  brought  for  the  SENATOR,  and  re 
places  it  at  table  up  c.  Goes  to  tray — serves 
pie  to  FORDYCE  at  his  L.) 

HARRIET.     But,  father,  your  breakfast? 

FORDYCE.  No  appetite,  dear.  I  couldn't  eat  any 
thing  but  this.  (Indicates  pie) 

HARRIET.  You  said  you  were  very  hungry  this 
morning. 

FORDYCE.  Well,  I  was,  some— -but- -but — the 
Senator's  had  some  news,  that  took  my  mind  off  it. 
(HARRIET  turns  to  SENATOR  and  FORDYCE  signals 
him  ) 

HARRIET.     (To  SENATOR)    News?    Tell  it  to  me. 

SENATOR.  (Helplessly)  Oh,  well — I— it's  poli 
tics,  pure  arid  simple. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          35 

HARRIET.  (Smiling)  'M 1  knew  politics 

were  pure,  but  to  find  they  are  also  simple. 

SENATOR.  (With  orer  appreciation)  Ha,  ha, 
ha!  Oh,  Miss  Harriet,  I'm  afraid  you're  too  wise 
for  a  young  woman. 

(FOKDYCE  pantomimes  thai  her  bravery  is  breaking 
his  heart.    HARRIET  turns  and  observes  him.) 

HARRIET.     What  is  it? 

FORDYCE.    Nothing,  my  dear.    (Lying)    The  pie. 

2ND  WAITER.  (Apprehensively,  coming  for 
ward)  The  pie,  sir? 

FORDYCE.  (Completely  changed  manner)  Who 
the  devil  said  anything  to  you:' 

2ND  WAITER.    Beg  pardon,  sir !     (Retires) 

HARRIET.  Father—  the  man's  only  trying  to  an 
ticipate  your  wishes. 

FORDYCE.  But,  I  don't  want  my  wishes  antici 
pated.  (Looks  to  SENATOR,  who  turns  away  and 
chokes  down  his  emotion)  Let's  go,  Senator!  Ex 
cuse  me.  dearie!  (Pushes  back  chair) 

HARRIET.    Why,  yes,  but— 

2ND  WAITER.     Finger-bowl,  sir? 

FORD\CE.  (Rising)  Xo!  (To  HARRIET)  Sign 
for  this;  and  here's  a  quarter,  for  this  Plnkerton 
detective.  (Puts  coin  by  HARRIET'S  plate.  2ND 
WAITER  bows  in  gratitude — FORDYCE  goes  R. 
WAITER  puts  chair  back.  Retires  np-stage) 

SENATOR.  (Rising)  And  the  trip  to  Washing 
ton  ? 

HARRIET.  Oh,  Senator— -it — it's  so  pleasant  here 
just  now,  and  my — Miss  Seaford,  from  Cleveland, 
and  Aunt  Jane  are  here.  Can't  we  postpone  it? 

SENATOR.  Surely- -but—  (Crosses  front  of 
table.  FORDYCE  is  signaling  him)  Well  talk  it 
over  later,  eh? 

HARRIET.     Yes,  we'll  talk  it  over  later. 


36          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

SENATOR.  (Smiling)  Good.  We'll  talk  it  over 
later. 

FORDYCE.  Yes,  talk  it  over  later.  (Taking  his 
arm)  Come?  Ah — don't  know  that  girl!  (With 
SENATOR  at  door  R.) 

SENATOR.  (Returning)  Good-morning!  (Bows 
to  JANE  and  ELLA) 

ELLA.  (Bowing  and  prompting  at  once)  Aunt 
Jane 

JANE.  Eh Oh Good-morning!  (To  SEN 
ATOR,  severely)  Good-morning! 

( FORDYCE  also  returns  and  bows.) 

SENATOR.  Good-morning.  (Exit  SENATOR  after 
FORDYCE) 

HARRIET.  (Playing  at  distress)  I'm  deserted, 
Aunt  Jane. 

JANE.  (Positively)  My  dear,  I  congratulate 
you. 

HARRIET.  Come,  sit  with  me.  I've  breakfast 
enough  for  four  persons. 

ELLA.     (Rising  eagerly)     Come,  Auntie! 

HARRIET.     (Pleasantly)    Clear  that  place  quickly. 

2ND  WAITER.  Yes,  miss.  (Takes  off  plate  with 
pic  and  cup  of  coffee  and  places  them  on  side  table. 
Gets  busy  R.  of  table) 

ELLA.  (Joining  HARRIET  L.  of  table)  Is  that 
your  Senator  you  told  me  of  ? 

HARRIET.     (Amused)    That's  he. 

JANE.  (Rising.  Up-stag  e  to  IST  WAITER) 
Bring  everything!  (Sharply)  I'll  do  my  own  dis 
carding.  (Comes  down  to  HARRIET) 

HARRIET.    Sit  there,  Aunt  Jane  ! 

JANE.  (Sitting  in  the  FORDYCE  chair)  Now,  my 
dear —  (To  ELLA)  Harriet  can  tell  us  all  about 
it,  I'm  sure.  (To  -WAITER,  who  is  adjusting  her 
chair)  Oh,  don't  do  that.  (To  HARRIET)  Where 
can  I  get  a  nice  gown  already  made  ? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          37 

HARRIET.    Already  made? 

JANE.  Yes,  I  don't  want  it  too  new-fangled,  be 
cause  I  won't  change  my  corsets.  (As  the  girls 
start  to  speak)  I  won't.  I  won't. 

(IST  WAITER  brings  dishes  from  JANE'S  table  and 
places  them  on  HARRIET'S  table.) 

ELLA.     But,  Auntie — 

JANE.  No,  the  Lord  didn't  flatten  me  in  front 
like  one  of  those  nice  young  men,  whose  jackets 
flare  at  the  hips  and — 

HARRIET.     But  why  not  change  them? 

JANE.  Why  not?  Because  they're  comfortable, 
and 

HARRIET.    The  new  ones  are  more  so. 

ELLA.    That's  what  I  tell  Auntie. 

JANE.     {Wavering'}     But  every  dress  I  own — 

HARRIET.    (Persuadingly)    They  can  be  changed. 

ELLA.  Thank  you,  Harriet.  Now,  where  had 
Auntie  better  go  ? 

HARRIET.  I'll  make  you  a  list,  Aunt  Jane.  What 
kind  of  a  gown  do  you  wish  ? 

JANE.  Well,  I  don't  know.  I  thought  I  did,  until 
I  saw  all  these  New  Yorkers  at  dinner  last  night. 


^  • 


(IST  WAITER  brings  coffee-cups  from  JANE'S  table 
and  places  them  for  JANE  and  ELLA  on  HAR 
RIET'S  table.) 

HARRIET.    New  Yorkers?    This  room? 

ELLA.    Yes. 

HARRIET.     Those  weren't  New  Yorkers. 

JANE.    No  ? 

HARRIET.     No!     The  aristocracy  of  the  outside 

world,  but 

JANE.     ll~ellr  then,  I  don't  know  what  I  want. 
HARRIET.     Eor  what  occasions?    Aunt  Jane? 


38          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

TANK.  (Dramatising)  Well,,  if  I  was  invited 
out  to  tea,  or  to  the  theater— 

ELLA.  (Mischievously)  There's  a  rich  brewer 
here  from  Chicago. 

HARRIET.  (In  the  same  spirit  looks  to  JANE) 
Oh! 

JANE.     Now,  he  never  entered  my  mind. 

ELLA.  That'll  do  to  tell  Auntie.  We  wouldn't 
be  here,  Harriet,  if  he  hadn't  written  Auntie  that 
he  was  coining. 

(Enter  OMNIBUS  door  L.,  takes  off  dishes  on  serv 
ice  table.) 

JANE.     Ella— 

ELLA.    Isn't  that  so? 

JANE.     Utterly  untrue. 

ELLA.  Oh,  Aunt  Jane,  had  we  once  thought  of 
coming  until  you  got  Mr.  Hooper's  letter? 

JANE.     No,  but 

ELLA.    There  you  are. 

JANE.  His  letter  said  he  was  coming  here  to 
meet  Montgomery  on  business.  Up  to  that  lime 
we  didn't  know  where  Montgomery  was.  Now, 
Ella,  a  joke's  a  joke,  but  I'm  not  here  to  meet  Mr. 
Hooper. 

HARRIET.  (To  ELLA)  Of  course  she  isn't. 
Now—  (To  JANE)  Let's  talk  of  the  new  gown. 

ELLA.     And  the  new  corsets. 

JANE.     (In  doubt)     Well 

HARRIET.  Because,  if  he  is  a  brewer,  Aunt 
Jane — 

JANE.     (In  defensive  dignity)     He  is. 

HARRIET.  Why,  he's  probably  very  stout  himself 
and—  (ELLA  pantomimes,  and  puffs  corpulency 
and  nods.  JANE  about  to  protest.  HARRIET  nods 
and  continues)  Then,  as  mere  contrast,  Aunt 
Jane--  (Pantomimes  the  straight  front) 

JANE.     My  dear  Ella,  when  Mr.  Hooper  was  as 


THE  KARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          39 

young-  as  the  young  man  you  \vish  to  marry,  he  was 
quite  as  slender,  I  assure  you. 

ELLA.  Thank  you,  Aunt  Jane.  There  can't  be 
too  much  of  Arthur  to  please  me. 

HARRIET.     His  name's  Arthur? 

JANE.    Yes,  Arthur. 

HARRIET.  (Approvingly)  Very  romantic  for  a 
brewer. 

(7;.r//  OMNIBUS  with  sik-cr,  dishes,  etc.,  etc.) 

ELLA.    Oh,  that's  not  Mr.  Hooper's  name. 

HARRIET.     Oh ! 

JANE.     FJUi's  young  man  is  Arthur. 

HARRIET.    I  see — and  what  is  Mr.— Mr.— 

ELLA.     (Prompting)     Mr.  Hooper. 

HARRIET.     Yes,  his  first  name. 

JANE.  Mr.  Hooper's  first  name  is  Silas,  I  be 
lieve. 

HARRIET.  (Gathers  imaginary  chin  piece  in  on 
downward  and  embracing  stroke.  Insinuatingly) 
Well,  that's  a  pretty  name,  too.  "  Hartford  "—or 
New  Haven?  (Brushes  her  fingers  loosely  under 
her  chin,  a  la  i%  Gosh  ding  it  ") 

ELLA.  (With  both  hands  brushed  briskly  for 
ward  under  imaginary  Horace  Greeley's)  Paw- 
tucket!  (Turns  blandly  to  JANE) 

JANE.  (Definitely)  Yes.  Pawtucket.  (Also 
brushes  Horace  Greeley  fashion  with  both  hands) 
'L  he  Hooper  and  the  Putnams  were  neighbors. 
You!'  mother.  Miss,  was  born  in  Pawtucket, 
(Brushes  again  at  ELLA,  WAITERS  sinilc.  Enter 
OMNIBUS  L.,  to  stand;  gets  remaining  napkins,  etc.) 

ELLA.     (Smiles  at  HARRIET)     Oh! 

JAXK.    Bring  me  my  check. 

(2ND  WAITER  passes  to  IST  WAITER,  who  fumbles 
AUNT  JANE'S  check.) 


40          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.  (Apart  to  ELLA)  Vulgar  persons  call 
that  "  getting  a  rise." 

ELLA.     I  know.    That's  what  Arthur  calls  it. 

HARRIET.  Oh!  (Smiling)  You're  not  angry, 
Aunt  Jane. 

JANE.  Not  with  you,  Harriet,  but  Ella's  rather 
run  the  Hooper  business  into  the  ground.  (Taking 
the  bill)  Keep  your  pencil,  I'll  pay.  (Gets  purse) 

ELLA.     Hello.     Here's  dad.    You  ever  met  dad? 

(Enter  SEAFORD,  red-faced  business  man  in  Tweeds. 
Exit  OMNIBUS  door  L.) 

HARRIET.     No ! 

SEAFORD.    Well,  Aunt  Jane,  I'm  ready. 

JANE.    So  am  I. 

ELLA.  Dad,  dear,  this  is  Harriet,  Mrs.  Mont 
gomery  Putnam. 

SEAFORD.     (Bowing)     Mrs.  Putnam. 

HARRIET.  (Bowing)  Mr.  Seaford — But — I'm 
using  my  own  name  now — Fordyce.  The  Court 
restored  that  privilege  to  me. 

SEAFORD.     Oh ! 

JANE.     Find  a  chair,  Henry! 

SEAFORD.     But  the  shopping! 

JANE.  Harriet's  telling  me  the  best  places  to  go 
to. 

(IST  WAITER  places  chair  for  SEAFORD  down  R.  c. 
from  table  R.  upper.) 

HARRIET.    Here's  your  list,  Aunt  Jane. 

JANE.  (Passing  slips)  You  know  these  places, 
Henry?  (SEAFORD  smiles  and  nods,  turning  up  R. 
looking  at  list)  For  I  don't.  If  I  stay  fifteen  min 
utes  in  a  shop,  the  streets  all  run  the  other  way 
when  I  come  out. 

SEAFORD.     You  coming,  Ella? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          41 

KLLA.  (Answering  to  JANE  instead)  Oh,  I 
think  not,  Auntie. 

JANE.  Of  course  not — with  Arthur  Weatherbee 
in  town.  Come,  Henry!  (Exit  R.  ) 

SEAFORD.  (Returning)  I  know  your  father, 
Miss  Fordyce. 

HARRIET.     I've  heard  father  speak  of  you. 

SEAFORD.  Be  kind  enough  to  present  my  compli 
ments  to  the  Judge. 

HARRIET.    Thank  you. 

(ELLA  throws  her  father  a  kiss  as  he  goes.) 

ELLA.     (With  relief)     Alone? 
HARRIET.    Is  it  so  difficult? 

(2ND  WAITER  adjusts  chair  R.  of  table  c.  and  re 
places  chair  R.  c.  in  former  place  at  table  up 
stage.) 

ELLA.  Oh,  Auntie  is  a  dear  when  anybody's  sick, 
and  I  suppose  it's  good  of  her  to  come  and  inter 
cede  with  Uncle  Montgomery  for  Arthur  and  me, 
but— 

HARRIET.     Tell  me  about  him! 

ELLA.    About—     (Pause). 

HARRIET.    Arthur. 

(IST  WAITER  stands  R.    2ND  WAITER  L.) 

ELLA.  Well — he — (Pause — defensively)  Every 
body  says  he's  handsome,  not  pretty,  you  un 
derstand,  but  handsome;  of  course  you  know  he's 
in  the  Diplomatic  service — One  of  our  Secretaries 
in  the  London  Embassy. 

HARRIET.    That's  good !    I  like  diplomats. 

ELLA.  I've  never  seen  many,  of  course,  but  I 
suppose  that  doesn't  much  matter. 


42          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.  No — one's  all  they  allow  a  girl  to 
choose  at  a  time,  anyway. 

ELLA.    Well,  that's  enough,  isn't  it? 

HARRIET.    One  at  a  time. 

ELLA.    No.    One — one  for  all  time. 

HARRIET.     (Seriously)    If  it  is  for  all  time — yes. 

ELLA.  (Taking  HARRIET'S  hand)  Forgive  me, 
Harriet,  dear,  I  wasn't  thinking. 

HARRIET.  (Reassuringly)  But  I  was,  distinctly. 
Oh,  it's  not  a  tragic  topic  with  me  any  more,  my 
dear.  My  thoughts  are  set  quite  to  the  future. 

ELLA.  Harriet!  Do  you  mean  that  Senator 
Barker 

HARRIET.     (Smiles)     Not  at  all! 

ELLA.    But  some  one  ? 

HARRIET.    Yes,  someone. 

ELLA.    Who  is  he? 

HARRIET.     I  don't  know. 

ELLA.    Oh,  you  mean,  you  still  have  hope  ? 

HARRIET.     (Smiling)    At  least  that? 

ELLA.  Well — I  mean — of  course  your  experi 
ence  was  so  sad 

HARRIET.  My  dear  Ella,  women  often  lose  faith, 
and  charity  often  goes  with  it,  but  hope,  hope 
abides. 

ELLA.  (Very  practically)  But  is  there  any  par 
ticular  person? 

HARRIET.    Yes,  but  I  don't  know  his  name. 

ELLA.    Where'd  you  meet  him? 

HARRIET.    Everywhere. 

ELLA.     (Smiling}     Then  his  name's  "  Legion." 

HARRIET.  I  think  not.  I  met  him  first  in  Paris. 
I  had  no  (Suggests  decolletee) — no  gown  on — I  was 
curling  my  hair  by  an  alcohol  lamp.  It  began  to 
boil  over  and  burn  the  table  cover,  as  alcohol  lamps 
always  do  in  hotels,  then  the  curtains  caught  fire 
and  I  screamed;  and  this  tall, — handsome-dragoon- 
kind  of  a  fellow 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          43 

ELLA.     (Thrilled)     Oh,  Harriet — in  a  uniform? 

HARRIET.  (Shaking  her  head)  In  a  bath-robe 
and  slippers. 

ELLA.     How  awfully  romantic?    And  you? 

HARRIET.  (Pantomiming)  As  I've  told  you. 
He  grasped  the  danger  in  a  moment,  disappeared; 
returned  with  a  bath-tub  full  of  water;  extin 
guished  the  fire;  blushed;  stammered  something; 
went  out. 

ELLA.    What  a  delicious  adventure. 

HARRIET.  I  had  been  dressing  to  take  the  train. 
Father  and  Senator  Barker  came  at  once  and  the 
rest  of  the  time  was  taken  up  wrangling  in  broken 
French  about  the  damages.  I  thought  I'd  lost  him 
— but  I  met  him  again  a  month  after  that  on  the 
Channel  steamer,  where  he  rendered  me  another 
service — but  I  wras  too  sea-sick  to  thank  him.  And 
again  I  thought  I'd  lost  him. 

ELLA.  (Positively)  I'd  have  advertised  for 
that  fellow. 

HARRIET.  I  had  to  consider  his  feelings,  remem 
ber. 

ELLA.     (Dubiously)    Yes. 

HARRIET.  Another  three  weeks  and  he  came 
into  the  same  room,  or  car  or  whatever  it  is — on 
the  Ferris  Wheel. 

ELLA.    Chicago  ? 

HARRIET.  No,  Earlscourt,  London — a  kind  of 
Coney  Island  place. 

ELLA.    Oh! 

HARRIET.  I  had  a  prim  old  English  chaperone, 
and  my  dear !  let  me  tell  you — the  wheel  stuck. 

ELLA.     Stuck  where? 

HARRIET.  In  the  air — turned  half  way  around, 
and  stopped  with  our  car  on  top. 

ELLA.     For  how  long? 

HARRIET.     Twenty-four  hours. 

ELLA.     Twenty-four  hours? 


44          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.    One  entire  day  and  night. 

ELLA.    And  you  didn't  speak  to  him  ? 

HARRIET.  Oh,  yes,  I  did.  My  old  English  lady 
and  myself  asked  him  many  questions  about  our 
danger.  Then  the  night  came  on.  A  sailor  man 
climbed  up  to  us  with  sandwiches  and  coffee,  but 
the  wheel  still  stuck.  My  Englishman  stammered 
something  about  "  rest — and  the  car  to  ourselves — 
(In  imitation  of  CARDINGTON'S  speech  and  manner 
— stroking  moustache,  etc.)  and  to  call  if  we 
needed  anything  in  the  night,"  and  to  our  great  ter 
ror  but  equally  great  relief  he  then  climbed  after  the 
sailor  man  into  the  car  behind  us,  which  happened 
to  have  only  men  in  it. 

ELLA.    How  considerate. 

HARRIET.    Well,  he  was  probably  sleepy  himself. 

ELLA.    And  how  did  you  get  out  of  the  car? 

HARRIET.  They  mended  the  machinery  the  next 
day.  Papa  and  the  Senator  Barker  came- — late,  as 
usual,  and  camped  on  the  ground  below  us.  When 
our  car  reached  the  ground,  they  took  me  and  my 
old  lady  friend  to  the  hotel,  and  I'd  lost  my  Eng 
lishman  again. 

ELLA.    And  you  haven't  seen  him  since? 

HARRIET.  My  dear,  (Pause).  I've  seen  him  this 
morning. 

ELLA.     Where  ? 

HARRIET.     Here. 

ELLA.     This  hotel? 

HARRIET.  This  room.  Papa  and  Senator  Barker, 
as  usual,  are  planning  a  sudden  departure  by  train, 
but  I  mean  to  stay  awhile  this  time. 

ELLA.    Perhaps  the  man  follows  you. 

HARRIET.  No  such  luck,  my  dear.  But  I  hope 
he  doesn't  think  I  follow  him. 

(Enter  HEADWAITER.     Enter  ARTHUR.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          45 

HEADWAITER.     One,  sir? 

ARTHUR.     (Indicating  ELLA)     The  young  lady. 

(HEADWAITER    signals    2ND    WAITER,    who    ap 
proaches.) 

ELLA.    Here's  my  diplomatist! 

ARTHUR.  (To  ELLA)  Pardon,  your  father  sent 
me.  (Glances  at  HARRIET) 

ELLA.  Miss  Fordyce,  may  I  present  Mr.  Weath- 
erbee  ? 

HARRIET.     Mr.  Weatherbee. 

ARTHUR.     Good-morning. 

ELLA.    Sit  down. 

'(2ND  WAITER  seats  ARTHUR  R.  of  table.) 

ARTHUR.  I — er— -such  a  beautiful  morning,  you 
know,  thought  perhaps  a  walk— or  ride  in  the 
Park 

ELLA.  Well — Uncle  Montgomery's  in  the  hotel, 
and — - — 

ARTHUR.     (Nervously)     Oh,  is  he? 

ELLA.  Miss  Fordyce  used  to — (HARRIET  nudges 
her)  That  is — she's  met  Uncle  Montgomery 

HARRIET.  (With  dignity)  No,  my  dear,  I  don't 
know  the  gentleman. 

ELLA.     Oh ! 

ARTHUR.  You  know  our  business  with  him? 
Miss  Seaford's  told  you? 

HARRIET.     Oh,  yes. 

ARTHUR.  Yes — er — seems  to  me  a  chap  who 
wishes  to  marry — qualifies  quite  strongly  enough  if 
he  pleases  the  young  lady — and  her  mother — and 
her  father — and  that  sort  of  thing.  Uncles — well, 
tastes  differ  so— 

HARRIET.  It  does  make  the  requirements  fairly 
Protean.  (To  WAITER)  Check,  please! 


46          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

ARTHUR.     (Gratefully)    Yes,  doesn't  it? 

ELLA.  But  that's  only  for  the  inheritance,  Ar 
thur.  If  you  think  your  chance  in  the  State  De 
partment  is  sufficient 

ARTHUR.    Well,  if  you  think  it's  sufficient 

ELLA.  That's  the  question.  What  do  you  think  ? 
(To  HARRIET) 

HARRIET.  My  dear,  I'd  rather  not  think.  (Takes 
check  from  2ND  WAITER,  signs)  Mr.  Weatherbee 
already  has  so  many  thinking  for  him.  (Gives  2ND 
WAITER  tip) 

ARTHUR.  Besides,  my  dear  Ella,  Miss  For- 
sythe 

ELLA.    Miss  Fordyce — 

(Enter  HEADWAITER  preceding  CARDINGTON.) 

ARTHUR.  Pardon?  Miss  Fordyce  doesn't  know 
my  chances. 

HEADWAITER.     Same  table,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.    Yes. 

HARRIET.     (Seeing  CARDINGTON)     Ella! 

ELLA.     My  dear! 

ARTHUR.  (Regarding  CARDINGTON)  Why 

my why really 

ELLA.    What  is  it,  Arthur? 

ARTHUR.    (Staring)  A  friend  of  mine,  I  think. 

ELLA.    What's  his  name? 

ARTHUR.  Lord  Cardington.  (ARTHUR  bows  to 
CARDINGTON)  "Morning." 

(CARDINGTON   adjusts   monocle;   regards  ARTHUR 
stolidly;  speaks  to  HEADWAITER.) 

CARDINGTON.    Coffee!     (Sits  left  of  table) 
HEADWAITER.   Yes,  sir.    (Crosses  to  IST  WAITER, 
IST  WAITER  exit  L.) 

ARTHUR.  He  doesn't  answer.  I  may  be  mis 
taken,  but 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          47 

HARRIET.  Perhaps  the  gentleman  doesn  t  re 
member  you. 

(HEAD WAITER  exit  R.) 

ARTHUR.    Lord  Cardington  would. 

ELLA.    Lord  Cardington — a  nobleman? 

ARTHUR.  He's  an  Earl.  (CARDINGTON  puts  his 
finger  on  his  lips  and  pantomimes  silence  to  AR 
THUR)  Oh no no 1  think  I'm  mistaken. 

There's  something  different.  (Pause)  Well,  about 
the  walk.  (To  ELLA) 

ELLA.    But  Uncle  Montgomery! 

ARTHUR.  Haven't  we  to  wait  for  your  aunt  be 
fore  we  see  him? 

ELLA.  (Rising)  I  suppose  we  must.  Will  you 
walk  with  us,  Harriet? 

HARRIET.  (Rising)  Yes,  my  dear,  (Pause)  as 
far  as  the  elevator. 

ELLA.    Nonsense!    Why  not  to  the  Park? 

(2ND  WAITER  to  window.) 

HARRIET.  Well — ah — some  friend  of  mine  might 
come  into  the  hotel.  I  don't  think  I  have  Mr. 
Weatherbee's  bad  memory  for  faces.  (Exit  ELLA 
R.  HARRIET  turns  at  door;  bows  pleasantly  to 
CARDINGTON  and  exit  R.) 

(CARDINGTON  flutters;  rises  quickly  and  comes  for 
ward  c,  bowing.  ARTHUR  following  ladies, 
looks  back  at  CARDINGTON  ;  CARDINGTON  beck 
ons  him.) 

ARTHUR.      (Wavering)      In   a   minute.      Wait! 
(Exit  R.) 
CARDINGTON.       (Solus)       Arthur     Weatherbee 


48          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

knows  her.  Hang  it,  can  she  be  the  girl  I've  heard 
he's  to  marry?  Wouldn't  that  be  just  my  beastly 
luck!  (Re-enter  ARTHUR  below  table)  Ah,  Ar 
thur,  my  dear  boy!  (Offering  his  hand) 

ARTHUR.  Lord  Cardington—  (Shakes  hands. 
CARDINGTON  coughs  him  still) 

CARDINGTON.  (Dissembling)  Lord  Cardington 
sends  you  his  regards  by  me.  (Avoids  2ND  WAITER 
who  clears  table  c.) 

ARTHUR.     Wliat's  all  this?     Incog? 

CARDINGTON.  Much  worse — I'm  an  alias.  Tell 
me — that  young  lady  you  were  with. 

ARTHUR.     My  fiancee. 

CARDINGTON.  (Disappointed)  Oh!  (Pause — 
regards  him)  My  dear  boy —  (Impulsively  and 
with  heart)  I  congratulate  you.  (Takes  his  hand) 

ARTHUR.     Thank  you,  charming,  isn't  she? 

CARDINGTON.  Charming's  not  the  word.  She's 
queenly.  (With  a  regal  drawl  on  the  word)  She 
was  the  handsomest  girl  in  London  last  season. 
(goes  up) 

ARTHUR.  London?  She's  never  been  in  Lon 
don. 

CARDINGTON.  (Calmly)  Pardon,  my  deah  boy, 
I  met  her  there, 

ARTHUR.     Met  her? 

CARDINGTON.     Informally.     (Goes  L.) 

ARTHUR.     Miss  Seaford? 

CARDINGTON.  (Magnificently  forgiving  AR 
THUR'S  dulness)  No,  Miss  Barker,  of  course. 

ARTHUR.    Of  what  lady  are  you  speaking? 

CARDINGTON.  Wasn't  that  Miss  Barker  next  you 
at  table  theah? 

ARTHUR.  That  was  Miss  Fordyce.  My  fiancee 
is  the  other  lady,  Miss  Seaford. 

CARDINGTON.  (In  gleeful  relief)  Ha!  Ha! 
(Pause,  recovers  his  calm)  I  saw  her  in  Paris. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          49 

She — she  set  fiah  to  the  hotel !  Landlord  said 
the  name  was  Barker. 

ARTHUR.    Perhaps  you're  mistaken  in  the  person. 

CARDINGTON.  No,  I'm  not.  She  recognized  me. 
But  I  don't  care  what  her  name  is — she — she's  not 
the  one  you're  engaged  to  ? 

(Enter  IST  WAITER  with  coffee.) 

ARTHUR.    Oh,  no ! 

CARDINGTON.  (Much  relieved,  and  smiling  unc 
tuously)  Oh!  Oh! 

(Enter  OMNIBUS  door  L.  Exit  2ND  WAITER  door  L. 
CARDINGTON  adjusts  monocle,  becomes  heavily 
introspective,  IST  WAITER  comes  with  coffee 
to  table.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Sits  R.  of  small  table  L.)  Arthur, 
have  some  coffee?  (To  WAITER)  Another  cup. 

IST  WAITER.     Yes,  sir.     (Goes) 

ARTHUR.  (Sits  L.  of  table)  Thank  you,  I've 
had  mine. 

CARDINGTON.  (Pouring  coffee)  Well,  I've  had 
foah,  just  to  be  where — where  she  was. 

ARTHUR.     Miss  Fordyce? 

CARDINGTON.    If  that's  her  name — yes. 

ARTHUR.     You're  in  love? 

CARDINGTON.  (Beaming)  Ha,  ha.  Think  of 
it — and  at  my  time  of  life,  too. 

ARTHUR.     How  did  it  come  about? 

CARDINGTON.  Most  romantic.  Hotel  in  Paris. 
Ah — I  was  having  my  tub — (Drains  small  memo, 
book  from  pocket  and  consults  it)  Excuse  me,  I 
mean  "  taking  my  bath." 

ARTHUR.     What's  that? 

CARDINGTON.  Memoranda — you  see.  The  way 
one  says  the  same  things  in  America,  don't  you 
know.  I  don't  want  any  person  to  think  I'm  an 


50          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

Englishman,  so — so  I'm  saying  things  in  Yankee 
style,  you  see. 

(Exit  2ND  WAITER  L.,  followed  by  OMNIBUS  with 
dishes,  etc.) 

ARTHUR.    I'm  afraid  you  can't  deceive  them. 

CARDINGTON.  Nonsense — you — you — you  watch 
me.  I'd  have  said  "  you  ken't  deceive  them,"  not 
cawn't.  Aha.  I've  practiced  it  all  the  way  ovah. 

(OMNIBUS   enters   L.,   gets  remaining   dishes   and 
exits  L.) 

ARTHUR.  (Laughing)  Well,  I  shall  watch  you, 
if  I  may — (Re-enter  IST  WAITER  with  cup,  zvhich 
he  places  at  CARDINGTON'S  hand,  then  stands  R.  c.) 
But  you  were  having  your  tub  in  Paris 

CARDINGTON.  When  I  heard  a  female  voice — in 
distress— calling  "  Fiah"  and  (Pause)  "help." 
(Pause)  You  may  depend  on  it,  I — I  went  to  her, 
(Pause)  first  putting  on  my  bath  gown  and  slip 
pers.  By  Jove  !  The  loveliest  shoulders — (Dreams 
and  smiles) 

ARTHUR.    Her  shoulders? 

CARDINGTON.  (After  a  puzzled  look)  Why, 
certainly,  old  chap. 

ARTHUR.     She  having  her  tub? 

CARDINGTON.  (Shocked)  No,  Arthur,  perfectly 
propah,  but  exceedingly  ah — informal,  bodice  and 
white  underskirt,  and  all  that  sort  of  "  Fra  Di- 
avolo  "  sort  of  thing ! — 

ARTHUR.    I  know  the  scene. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  (Pause)  when  it  was  all 
ovah — and  I'd  filled  up  my  tub  again  and — 
(Pause)  and  put  on  my  clothes — and  everything — 
(Pause)  she'd  gone! 

ARTHUR.    Oh,  too  bad! 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.  51 

CARDINGTON.  Wasn't  it?  Well,  knocking  about 
the  Rivera,  my  dog  died.  You  remember  my  dog, 
Bismark? 

ARTHUR.    No,  I  don't  think  I  do. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  well,  he  died,  poor  old  chap. 
Now,  you  know,  one  can't  take  a  dog  into  England 
without  a  permit. 

ARTHUR.    Yes,  I  know  that. 

CARDINGTON.  But  I  had  a  permit,  you  see,  for 
my  dog. 

ARTHUR.  Oh,  vou  wished  to  bury  him  in  Eng 
land? 

CARDINGTON.  (Chagrined)  Now,  my  deah  Ar 
thur,  (Pause)  I'm  not  that  sort  of  an  ass,  you  know. 
No,  she'd  bought  a  dog,  you  understand? 

(Enter  OMNIBUS  door  L.) 

ARTHUR.    She  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Miss — Miss  Fordyce,  if  that's  her 
name. 

ARTHUR.    No,  I  don't  quite  understand. 

CARDINGTON.  (With  plainly  persevering  pa 
tience)  Crossing  the  channel,  there  she  was — on 
the  steamer. 

ARTHUR.     I  see,  with  her  dog. 

CARDINGTON.  Exactly.  (Breathes  heavily  and 
continues  more  normally)  Now  it  appears  she's 
not  a  good  sailor,  but  no  matter.  She  was  very  un 
happy  too,  because  someone  told  her  she  couldn't 
take  her  dog  past  the  Health  Officer. 

ARTHUR.     Without  a  permit. 

CARDINGTON.     (Finishing,  and  at  rest)     Exactly. 

ARTHUR.  (Long  Pause)  So  you  thought  of 
yours. 

CARDINGTON.  No,  deah  boy,  I'd  no  such  pres 
ence  of  mind,  but  Wilkins  thought  of  it. 

ARTHUR.     Wilkins? 


52          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.  You  must  remember  my  man, 
Wilkins? 

ARTHUR.     Oh,  yes,  Wilkins,  of  course. 

CARDINGTON.  Wilkins  suspects  that  I'm— ah — 
interested  in  the  girl — so  he  suggested  getting  her 
dog  through  for  her.  I  cautioned  him  not  to  give 
her  my  name,  because  I  didn't  want  to— to  interest 
her— that  way,  you  know.  (ARTHUR  nods)  Wil 
kins  arranged  it  with  her  maid.  I'm  sure  she  wanted 
to  thank  me  herself,  but  she — she's  not  a  good 
sailor.  (Pause)  She  was  devilish  handsome,  all 
the  same-  -ah -  even  under  those—trying  circum 
stances, 

ARTHUR.     So  she  didn't  thank  you? 

CARDINGTON.    Only  with  her  eyes,  deah  boy. 

ARTHUR.    Eyes  are  very  eloquent  sometimes. 

CARDINGTON.  Rather!  Well,  Wilkins  put  my 
luggage  in  the  same  compartment  with  hers  on  the 
train  going  up  to  London,  but  of  course  one  couldn't 
force  one's  self  that  way. 

ARTHUR.     Of  course  not. 

CARDINGTON.  (Disapprovingly)  Wilkins  has 
presence  of  mind,  and  some  delicacy- -but  hang  it 
—there  are  moments.  (Pause)  So  I  didn't  see  her 
again  that  time.  But  now  comes  the  rummest  ad 
venture.  You  read  about  that  Ferris  Wheel  thing 
at  Earlscourt  stopping  for  twenty-four  hours? 

ARTHUR.  Yes,  with  the  passengers  in  all  the 
cars  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Smiling  reflectively)  There  are 
some  deuced  funny  stories  told  about  that— fel 
lows  who  didn't  want  their  wives  to  know,  and 
chaps  missing  trains,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing. 
But — no  matter — /  was  there. 

ARTHUR.    You  in  that  wheel  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Ha,  ha,  wasn't  I  though?  You 
know  they'd  mulct  me  in  awful  heavy  damaged,  if 
they  knew  (Looks  cautiously  around} — I — I — did 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          53 

that.  (Reaching  across  and  tapping  ARTHUR'S  arm 
to  emphasise  his  words) 

ARTHUR.    Did  what? 

CARDINGTON.  Threw  the  machinery  out  of  gear 
and  made  the  deuced  thing  stickv 

ARTHUR.    But  why? 

CARDINRTON.  She  was  there.  I  saw  her  go  into 
a  car  with  another  lady,  and  I  started  after  her. 
Wilkins  said,  "don't  go  up,"  sir,  the  blessed  thing 
might  stick  with  you  in  the  air.  I  said,  "  I'd  give  a 
five  pun  note  if  it  would  stick  " — ha — ha — and 
there  you  are! 

(Enter  WILKINS  R.,  crosses  to  CARDINGTON.) 

ARTHUR.  (Laughing)  Oh,  bribed  the  en 
gineer — 

CARDINGTON.     No,  oh,  Wilkins — 

WILKINS.  This  card  just  came  up,  sir.  Gentle 
man's  waiting. 

CARDINGTON.     Oh ! 

ARTHUR.     How*  are  you,  Wilkins? 

( WILKINS  nods.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Takes  card)  You  remember 
Mr.  Weatherbee,  Wilkins— 

WILKINS.     Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON,  (With  card)  Mr.  Silas  Hooper— 
(To  WILKINS)  Oh,  that's  the  brewah,  isn't  it? 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  ask  him  to  wait  five  min 
utes,  while  I  read  about  him.  (Gets  his  memo, 
book,  rising  and  crossing  down  R.  c.) 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir.     (Starts  off  R.) 

CARDINGTON.    Wilkins. 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Tell  Mr.  Weatherbee  how  you 
stopped  that  Ferris  wheel  thing-— at  Earlscourt. 


54          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

WILKINS.  (Returning)  I  only  meant  to  stop  it 
a  'alf  hour,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  (Looking  up)  Tommy  rot,  Wil- 
kins,  you  meant  to  do  just  what  you  did,  and  you're 
devilish  lucky  not  to  be  transported  for  life. 

WILKINS.  Yes,  sir.  (To  ARTHUR)  I'd  a  large 
jack-knife,  sir,  and  I  dropped  it  in  the  cogs,  the 
cable  climbed  right  over  them  when  it  struck  it,  sir 
— I  don't  know  exactly  how,  sir 

CARDINGTON.     That  will  do,  Wilkins. 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir.     (Goes) 

CARDINGTON.  (To  ARTHUR)  Great  presence  of 
mind,  Arthur,  but  no — no — no  delicacy.  (Reads) 
"  Hoopah !  Wants  to  sell  breweries,  knew  father, 
knew  you  as  a  small  boy,  promised  to  meet  him, 
Chicago,  some  time  in  April.  Pretend  to  consider 
his  offers,  belongs  to  clubs  and  can  give  you  a  good 
time — "  oh,  oh,  I  wish  I'd  written  more  about 
Hooper. 

PAGE.  (Heard  off  R.  calling)  Telegram  for 
Montgomery  Putnam.  Telegram  for  Montgomery 
Putnam!  (Enter  PAGE  R.,  telegram  in  hand,  cross 
ing  L.)  Telegram  for  Montgomery  Putnam. 

ARTHUR.     (Turning)     Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.     Here,  boy! 

PAGE.  (Goes  to  CARDINGTON)  Your  name  Put 
nam,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes.  (Takes  telegram.  Exit  PAGE 
R.  ARTHUR  stares)  Excuse  me,  Arthur,  won't 
you? 

ARTHUR.  (Rising)  Why  do  you  open  Mr.  Put 
nam's  telegrams? 

CARDINGTON.  Why  shouldn't  I.  That's  my 
name — heah ! 

(ARTHUR  astonished.) 
ARTHUR.     Your  name? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.  55 

CARDINGTON.     Yes,  my  alias. 

ARTHUR.     But  Montgomery  Putnam's 

CARDINGTON.  (ARTHUR  sits)  A  friend  of  mine 
in  London.  You  see,  this  trial  of  Lord  Culver  by 
the  Peers  is  a  devilish  serious  thing.  I  don't  want 
to  sit  as  one  of  his  judges,  because,  well,  I  know 
too  much  of  the  case,  you  see.  Had  to  go  where 
they  can't  find  me.  Thought  being  some  other  fel 
low  in  particular  was  much  better  than  a  mere  as 
sumed  name.  So  this  friend  of  mine  said  I  would 
do  him  a  favor  by  using  his  name,  you  understand. 
No  reporter  would  look  for  Lord  Cardington,  in  the 
person  of  an  American  citizen,  doing  business.  Be 
sides,  Miss  Fordyce  is  an  American  and — 

ARTHUR.  But  Montgomery  Putnam  is  a  well- 
known  man. 

CARDINGTON.  He  told  me  not  by  sight.  He's 
been  on  the  Continent  most  of  the  time.  Lot  of 
money. 

ARTHUR.     Plenty  of  money— but— 

CARDINGTON.  (Reads  telegram)  "Tell  Ella 
and  Jane  not  to  worry  about  me.  Much  better  this 
morning.  Sarah."  Oh !  (Pause)  I'm  glad 
Sarah's  better,  but  who  the  deuce  is  Sarah?  And 
why  should  Ella  and  Jane  worry? 

ARTHUR.  (Rising)  Sarah's  Miss  Seaford's 
mother.  That  telegram's  not  meant  for  you,  my 
lord. 

CARDINGTON.  (Starting  and  looking  around) 
Be  careful,  Arthur.  Call  "me  Montgomery,  or  Mr. 
Putnam,  but — 

ARTHUR.  We  are  here  to  -meet  Mr.  Montgomery 
Putnam  this  morning. 

CARDIXGTON.  Oh!  Oh!  Then  there's  another 
one  of  us? 

ARTHUR.     Certainly ! 

CARDINGTON.  (Deeply  puzzled)  That  make3 
three.  (Pauses — sits)  Ever  see  this  third  one? 


56          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

ARTHUR.  No,  he's  been  on  the  Continent  most 
of  his  life. 

CARDINGTON.    So  has  my  friend. 

ARTHUR.     This  Putnam's  family  is  Pawtucket. 

CARDINGTON.     Pawtucket — that's  my  man. 

ARTHUR.  But  Miss  Seaford's  uncle  is  here. 
That  telegram's  from  her  mother  to  the  uncle. 

CARDINGTON.    Oh ! 

ARTHUR.  (Sitting)  Mr.  Hooper  had  a  letter 
from  the  uncle,  written  in  Boston. 

CARDINGTON.  /  wrote  Hooper  from  Boston — to 
Chicago.  He  answered,  meet  him  here.  Here's 
his  card. 

ARTHUR.  Then  you're  the  man  Miss  Seaford 
came  from  Cleveland  to  meet. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  ami?  (Gets  book)  Wonder 
if  I've  any  memorandum  about  her? 

ARTHUR.  You  don't  need  any.  She's  my  fiancee. 
She  came  here  to  meet  you,  because  we've  got  to 
have  Montgomery  Putnam's  consent  to  our  mar 
riage.  Something  about  their  inheritance. 

CARDINGTON.  (Pause)  Oh—  Well,  I'm  sorry 
if  I  have  given  the  young  lady  any  trouble.  Is 
Cleveland  far  from  here? 

ARTHUR.     Eighteen  hours. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  that's  too  bad.  Well,  ask  her, 
like  a  good  fellow,  not  to  make  any  trouble  for  me. 
It's  the  other  girl  I'm  after. 

ARTHUR.  She's  never  seen  her  uncle.  This — 
this'll  put  off—  (Pause)  Where  is  the  real  uncle  ? 

CARDINGTON.  He  left  me  at  Southampton.  Said 
he  was  going  to  Cairo,  after  I  left. 

ARTHUR.     Too  bad. 

CARDINGTON.  (Leaning  back  in  chair)  Oh, 
Cairo's  not  a  bad  place. 

ARTHUR.  You  know  I  don't  give  a  cent  about 
his  consent  myself- 


CARDINGTON.    Quite  right,  dear  boy- 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          57 

ARTHUR.  Only  someth ing's  to  be  done.  They'll 
surely  call  on  you  this  morning. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh!  (Pause)  Can't  you  say 
you've  seen  me  and  that — it's — it's  no  use? 

ARTHUR.  They'd  think  that  rather  officious  on 
my  part.  Besides,  they  wouldn't  take  that  for  an 
answer — and,  don't  you  see,  if  they  did,  it  might 
delay  my  marriage. 

C ARDI N  GTO  N .      Oh  ! 

ARTHUR.  Montgomery  Putnam  wanted  you  to 
use  his  name? 

CARDINGTON.    Yes ;  with  the  brewah  chap. 

ARTHUR.     Then  why  not  use  it? 

CARDINGTON.  Why,  bless  you,  my  dear  fellow, 
/  am.  (Extends  card  In  one  hand,  book  In  the 
other) 

ARTHUR.  But  if  you  don't  mind,  use  it  for  me, 
{Getting  his  hat  and  rising)  I'll  fetch  Miss  Sea- 
ford  to  you  and  you  can  say  you  consent. 

CARDINGTON.    No,  dear  boy,  I  can't  do  that. 

ARTHUR.    Why  not? 

CARDINGTON.  Because  I'd  be  a  bit  of  a  cad. 
Hang  it!  Putnam's  my  friend,  and  if  it's  a  matter 
of  estate,  or — an  inheritance — Oh,  no! 

ARTHUR.  (Sitting  again)  I  don't  see  that 
Such  a  consent  by  proxy,  wouldn't  convey  the  es 
tate.  I  only  want  the  girl. 

CARDINGTON.  You  see,  I'm  not  sure.  I'm  such 
an  ass  about  law— even  English  law.  No,  deah  boy, 
1  dare  not. 

ARTHUR.     But  you  dare  refuse. 

CARDINGTON.  Nor  that,  either.  That  was  just 
my  first  impulse  at  the  thought  of  a  nice  girl  mar 
rying — any  fellow. 

(Enter  HARRIET  R.) 
HARRIET.     Oh,  Mr.  Weatherbee — — 


58          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

(ARTHUR  and  CARDINGTON  rise,  both  embarrassed, 
ARTHUR   crosses   c.) 

CARDINGTON.      (Aside)      Introduce  me,  Arthur. 

HARRIET.  Ella  is  waiting  for  you  quite  impa 
tiently.  I  thought  you  might  care  to  know. 

ARTHUR.    Thank  you. 

CARDINGTON.     (Aside — pleadingly)     Deah  Boy! 

ARTHUR.    No,  sir — you  declined  to  help  me. 

CARDINGTON.  'But  Arthur — I— 
HARRIET.  You  may  introduce  your  friend.  I 
think  we've  met  before,  but — 

CARDINGTON.    Quite  so. 

ARTHUR.  Miss  Fordyce,  may  I  present  Mr. 
Montgomery  Putnam. 

HARRIET.  (Startled)  Montgom — Putnam— 
(Aspirantly)  You  mean? 

ARTHUR.  Oh,  yes,  Ella's  Uncle  Montgomery. 
(To  CARDINGTON)  Miss  Fordyce  knows  your 
niece  very  well. 

(Enter   OMNIBUS   door  L. — removes  dishes  from 
table  L.) 

CARDINGTON.    Oh ! 

ARTHUR.  Excuse  me.  (Exit  R.,  laughing — paus 
ing  to  throw  an  amused  look  at  CARDINGTON) 

HARRIET.  Did — did  I  hear  the  name  rightly? 
Mr.  Montgomery  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes,  yes — Montgomery  Putnam. 
Won't  you  have  a  chair?  (Arranges  chair  for  her 
R.  of  table  c.) 

HARRIET.    Thank  you. 

CARDINGTON.     And  some  coffee? 

(WAITER  turns — IST  WTAITER  approaches.) 

HARRIET.  (Aside— perplexed)  Can— he- 
know? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.  59 

CARDINGTON.  Waitah!  bring  some  hot  coffee, 
and —  (To  HARRIET)  Anything  else,  Miss 
Fordyce  ? 

HARRIET.     (Startled)     Oh — pardon? 

CARDINGTON.     Some  fruit  or  anything? 

HARRIET.     No,  thank  you. 

(CARDINGTON  continues  in  pantomime  to  WAITER.) 

HARRIET.  (Aside)  Mr.  Weatherbee  doesn't 
know  Montgomery  Putnam.  He  does  know  Lord 
Cardington. 

(IST   WAITER   arranges    chairs   at    table    L.      Exit 
door  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Returning)  And  to  think  that 
we  should  meet  as  acquaintances  after  all. 

HARRIET.  (Smiling)  Having  met  so  often  as 
•friends. 

CARDINGTON.  Thank  you.  (Bows  and  sits 
above  table  c.) 

HARRIET.  (Insinuatingly)  Your  first  visit  to 
America? 

CARDINGTON.  Oh — no — I  was  born  here,  you 
know. 

HARRIET.     Indeed? 

CARDINGTON.     Oh,  yes. 

HARRIET.    What  part  of  America  ? 

CARDINGTON.  No  particular  part — oh — oh — yes 
— Paw — Paw-tucket. 

HARRIET.  Mr.  Weatherbee  said  you  were  Miss 
Seaford's  uncle. 

CARDINGTON.  Yes,  but  don't  let  us  talk  about  me. 
(Smiles  pleasantly) 

HARRIET.  (Persevering)  You  must  be  the 
brother,  then,  of  Miss  Jane  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.      (Trying    to    remember)      Jane? 


60          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

(Pause)  Oh,  yes,  Jane  of  course.  (Gets  tele 
gram}  I've  had  a  telegram  from  Jane.  Jane's  bet- 
tah.  She  said  I  was  to  tell  Mary  so. 

HARRIET.     A  telegram  from  Jane? 

CARDINGTON.  (Corrected  by  telegram}  Oh,  I 
beg  pardon,  it's  from  Sarah — Ah — Sarah's  bettah. 

(Enter  door  L.  OMNIBUS  with  service  for  table  c.> 
which  he  lays  and  exits  door  L.  ) 

HARRIET.  (Aside}  Why  does  he  use  that 
name?  (Aloud}  We  saw  in  the  papers  that  you 
knew  some  of  the  English  noblility. 

CARDI NGTON.      (  Easily }     Ah — yes  -  yes  ! 

HARRIET.  Lord  Cardington,  I  think,  was  among 
them. 

CARDINGTON.     Yes,  I  know  Cardington. 

HARRIET.    Baronet,  I  believe. 

CARDINGTON.  (With  dignity}  No,  Cardington's 
an  Earl. 

HARRIET.  (Attracted  by  his  seal  ring}  Indeed, 
Do  you  know  his  coat  of  arms?. 

CARDINGTON.  (Turning  his  ring}  Something  or 
other — ah,  no — I  don't  think  I  could  describe  it. 
But  nevah  mind  my  friends.  You  -  you're  staying 
heah,  of  course? 

HARRIET.     Yes. 

CARDINGTON.  (Smiles}  So  am  I.  Think  of  it, 
Miss  Fordyce.  I  might  see  more  of  you.  (HAR 
RIET  starts  slightly)  I  mean — oftener,  don't  you 
know.  You  see,  my  time  is  of  no  importance, 
and — 

HARRIET.     I  inferred  that,  of  course. 

CARDINGTON.  Forgive  me,  I'm  dreadfully  stupid. 
I  meant  I  regretted  that  I  had  no  business,' which  I 
might  neglect  for  you.  May  as  well  be  honest,  you 
know. 

(Enter  IST  WAITER  with  coffee  service  for  two.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          61 

HARRIET.    Quite  as  well. 

(IST  WAITER  puts  coffee  on  table,  exit  L.) 

CARDINGTON.     (Rising)    Have  some  coffee? 

HARRIET.  No  thank  you,  I'll  pour  it.  I've  had 
coffee  twice  this  morning. 

CARDINGTON.     This  makes  five  times  for  me. 

HARRIET.  (Stopping)  Five?  Is  it  such  a  pas 
sion  with  you? 

CARDINGTON.  (Sitting)  I  came  in  each  time  to 
see — you. 

HARRIET.  Mr.  Putnam—  (Pours  coffee — low 
ering  eyes) 

CARDINGTON.    Do  you  blame  me? 

HARRIET.  It  seems — excessive,  really.  (Pause) 
I  came  back  only  once—on  your  account. 

CARDINGTON.  (Impulsively)  Miss  Fordyce? 
(Leans  forward) 

HARRIET.  (Receding  a  little)  Oh,  Mr.  Putnam. 
I  wish  .to  thank  you  for  your  great  kindness  in  the 
three  times  that  we  met. 

(Enter  IST  WAITER  door  L.,  with  fruit,  which  he 
places  on  table  c.   and  retires  to  position  up 

L.  C.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Fervently}  Don't  mention  it,  I 
beg  of  you.  It  has  brought  so  much  interest  into 
my  life — really,  Miss  Forddyce,  I  am  the  debtor. 

HARRIET.  (Smiling)  It  interests  you  to  rescue 
maidens  in  distress? 

CARDINGTON.  Ha,  ha !  Yes,  that  is,  one  girl— 
you  know  if  a  chap  wanted  to  marry,  maiden — ah— 
maiden — sounds  so  romantically  hopeless,  don't  you 
know. 

HARRIET.  Maidens,  I  believe,  are  wed,  not  mar 
ried. 


62          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.     Exactly. 

HARRIET.  (Turns  to  him)  Your  own  experi 
ence? 

CARDINGTON.    My  experience? 

HARRIET.  Yes.  Didn't  Mr.  Weatherbee  say  you 
were  a  married  man? 

CARDINGTON.  (Smiling)  Weatherbee?  Ho! 
ho !  Weatherbee  must  have  been  spoofing. 

HARRIET.     Spoofing  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Helplessly  getting  his  book,  but 
not  daring  to  consult  it)  Spoofing,  oh,  yes,  in  jest 
— ah — (In  sudden  relief)  '  Talking  through  his 
hat."  (Puts  memo,  book  away) 

HARRIET.     Then  you've  not  been  married? 

CARDINGTON.     Nevah— I'm  happy  to  say. 

HARRIET.     Happy  to  say — Why  happy? 

CARDINGTON.  Because  if  I  had  been,  it  would 
have  been  to  the  wrong  girl.  You  see  ? 

HARRIET.     Oh — would  it? 

CARDINGTON.  Now,  I  can  come  to — to  the  right 
girl,  and — ah — with  a  clean  record — "  first  love  " 
and  all  that — poetical  sort  of  thing. 

HARRIET.  (Smiling)  Quite  enough,  I  should 
think,  to  win  even  a  maiden. 

CARDINGTON.  Prefer  girl — ha,  ha !  (Aside.  In 
sudden  seriousness)  By  Jove — she's  splendid. 

HARRIET.  And,  of  course,  the  girl  should  be 
equally  inexperienced  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  yes — of  course — that  is— 
(Pause.  Then  with  great  meaning)  She  is,  I'm 
sure? 

HARRIET.     Oh,  then,  you've  met  her? 

CARDINGTON.  Now,  my  dear  Miss  Fordyce, 
you're  not  spoofing — I  mean  poking  fun  at  me? 

HARRIET.     No.    Am  I  too — too  curious? 

CARDINGTON.  Not  at  all.  It's  very  charming  if 
you  mean  it. 

HARRIET.      Of   course   I   mean   it,   I   wish  very 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          63 

much  to  know  if  you've  met  the  lady — that  is  the 
girl 

CARDIXGTON.  (Insinuatingly}  Why  do  you 
think  I  am  on  this  side  of  the  Atlantic,  Miss  For- 
dyce  ? 

HARRIET.     Why  you  were  born  here. 

CARDINGTON.  Of  course — in  Paw — Pawtucket. 
But — I'm  awfully  fond  of  London,  don't  you  know 
— ah — notwithstanding. 

HARRIET.  So  am  I.  But  why  are  you  on  this 
side  of  the  Atlantic? 

CARDINGTON.  Because —  (Pause — looks  at  her 
wooingly,  half  rising  and  bending  over  her) 

HARRIET.  Well?  (Looks  dozvn — Enter  WIL- 
KINS  with  letters) 

CARDINGTON.  (Motioning  WILKINS  away)  No 
— not  now,  Wilkins. 

HARRIET.  (Looking  up  and  around)  Oh,  that's 
your  man,  isn't  it? 

CARDINGTON.     (Deeply  annoyed)    Yes — Wilkins. 

HARRIET.     How  d'do? 

WILKINS.     Morning,  Miss. 

CARDINGTON.  (Rebukingly)  Well,  Wilkins, 
what  is  it? 

WILKINS.     Air.  Hooper,  sir,  and  some  letters. 

HARRIET.  (Rising)  I'm  keeping  you  from  your 
business.  You  are  neglecting  it  for  me.  (Smiles 
pleasantly,  crossing  before  table  up  c.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Following)  I  don't  care  a  hang 
for  it,  I  assure  you.  Don't  go. 

HARRIET.  Oh,  I  think  I  must.  It's  such  a  beau 
tiful  morning  for  walking  and — 

CARDINGTON.  (In  boyish  eagerness)  Take  me 
with  you.  You  know  I  can  dispose  of  this  business 
in  a  jiffy.  It's  only  a  brewah  chap  from 
Chicago. 

HARRIET.     (To  WILKINS)     Oh,  Mr.  Hooper. 

WILKINS.    Yes,  Miss. 


64          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.  (To  CARDINGTON)  Do  let  me  see 
what  he  looks  like. 

CARDINGTON.  Why,  of  course,  and  I'll  tell  him 
I  had  a — a  previous  engagement  with  you- — (HAR 
RIET  turns  down  L.  c ,  smiling)  Send  him  here, 
Wilkins. 

WILKINS.  Yes,  sir.  (Offers  letters)  Letters, 
sir? 

CARDINGTON.  (Refusing  letters  with  gesture; 
comes  doivn  to  HARRIET)  No — o — o — 

( WILKINS  exit  R.) 

HARRIET.  (Smiling  archly)  "  A  previous  en 
gagement  with  me — Oh,  Mr.  Putnam — I'm  afraid 
you  find  deception  not  so  difficult. 

CARDINGTON.  For  you,  my  dear  lady— nevah  to 
you. 

HARRIET.  And  Mr.  Weatherbee  was  spoofing? 
You — you've  not  been  married  in  any — previous 
engagement? 

CARDINGTON.     Nevah ! 

HARRIET.  Because  that  would  be  the  one  mat 
ter  about  which  the — the  right  girl,  whoever  she 
may  be — could  forgive  no  deception. 

CARDINGTON.    To  be  sure. 

(IST  WAITER  crosses  to   table,  about  to  remove 
service. ) 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  leave  that,  please.  I'll  give  it 
to  Hoopah. 

(Exit  WAITER  L.    Enter  WILKINS  and  HOOPER  R.) 

WILKINS.  (Politely,  indicating  CARDINGTON) 
Mr.  Putnam,  sir. 

(CARDINGTON  crosses  R.    HARRIET  turns  up  c.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          65 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  Mr.  Hoopah?  (Meeting 
KOOPER  and  shaking  hands) 

HOOPER.  That's  my  name.  Are  you  Mont 
gomery  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  yes,  though  I  haven't  seen 
you,  Mr.  Hoopah,  since  I  was  a  little  boy  in 
Paw — Pawtucket.  (Turns  away  to  L.) 

HOOPER.  (Aside)  Tries  to  act  like  a  fool  Eng 
lishman. 

CARDINGTON.  I  fear  I  cawn't — can't — I  can't  do 
any  business  this  morning,  Mr.  Hoopah,  as  I've  ap 
pointed  to — to  go  an  errand  of  considerable  im 
portance.  (Crosses  up  c.  to  HARRIET) 

HARRIET.  It  will  take  me  some  minutes  to  get 
ready. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh!  (Following  HARRIET)  You 
won't  be  too  long,  will  you? 

(HARRIET  suggests  "  no  "  and  exit  R.    HOOPER  goes 
c.,  below  table.) 

CARDINGTON.    Well,  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.    Letters,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  No.  Get  my  stick  and  hat;  and 
wait  for  me  in  the  corridor. 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir.     (Exit  R.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Indicating  chair)  Sit  down,  Mr. 
Hoopah— -that  table — I'm  having  my  coffee. 

HOOPER.     Thank  you.     (Sits  L.  of  table) 

CARDINGTON.  (With  book — scanning  it) 
11  Hoopah — breweries — Chicago  " — Oh!  (Giving 
up  perplexed — puts  book  in  pocket.  Returns  to 
table) 

HOOPER.     How's  Jane? 

CARDINGTON.  Jane?  (Pause)  Oh,  Jane's  bet 
ter—much  better. 

HOOPER.     (Anxiously)     Has  Jane  been  ill? 

CARDINGTON.    Yes,  I've  had  a  telegram  from  her 


66          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

this  morning,  telling  me  not  to  worry — so  I — I  don't 
worry,  you  see.     (Sits  R.  of  table  c.) 

HOOPER.     I  wired  Jane  day  before  yesterday — 

CARDINGTON.  (Worried)  Oh — then  she's  prob 
ably  got  it  by  this  time. 

HOOPER.  Unless  she's  too  ill  for  them  to  give  it 
to  her. 

CARDINGTON.     Yes. 

HOOPER.     But  she  telegraphed — you? 

CARDINGTON.     (Easily)     Oh,  yes. 

HOOPER.     She  was  able  to  do  that? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes,  (Pause}  now  I  should  think 
if  a  person  were  well  enough  to  send  a  telegram  she 
would  be  strong  enough  to — ah — receive  one — Ah 
—personally,  you  know,  I  find  sending  them  much 
the  more  difficult  of  the  two. 

HOOPER.  Why,  of  course,  she  got  it.  Jane  didn't 
know  you  wrere  here,  until  I  telegraphed  her,  did 
she? 

CARDINGTON.     I'm  sure  she  didn't. 

HOOPER.  I'll  stop  off  in  Cleveland  on  my  way 
back  and  see  Jane. 

CARDINGTON.    Good ! 

HOOPER.  (With  a  plunge  at  business)  Yes — er 
— now — you  like  Jane,  don't  you? 

CARDINGTON.  (On  the  defensive)  Like  Jane? 
Well,  you  see,  my  dear  Mr.  Hoopah, —  (Smiles  and 
gets  his  book  below  table) 

HOOPER.  Because  Jane  has  an  idea  that  you — 
you're  indifferent  in  a  way. 

CARDINGTON.  Well — ah — you  see,  my  dear  Mr. 
Hoopah —  (Finding  place  in  book  suddenly) 
Jane's  my  sister,  don't  you  know. 

HOOPER.     (Brightly)     That's  what  I  tell  her 

CARDINGTON.  Well — er — you're  perfectly  safe, 
old  chap.  You  stop  over  in  Cleveland,  and — and 
repeat  it. 

HOOPER.    I  shall. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          67 

CARDINGTON.  (Anxiously)  Now  that's  all  about 
Jane,  isn't  it.  (HOOPER  turns  and  looks  at  him 
amazed)  Because  we've  got  to  talk  about  the 
Brewery,  and  your  Clubs —  (Looks  anxiously) 

HOOPER.  But  Jane's  quite  as  important  to  me  as 
the  breweries  are. 

CARDINGTON.     In  a  way,  of  course. 

HOOPER.     Now,  your  father's  will 

CARDINGTON.  (With  dignity,  after  covertly  con 
sulting  memo,  book)  My  father — Mr.  Hoopah — is 
dead — ah — ah — isn't  he  ? 

HOOPER.    To  be  sure,  but 

CARDINGTON.  Then  we  can't  discuss  him  or  his 
affairs  in  the  "same — ah — interview  with  the  brew 
eries,  can  we? 

HOOPER.  Leave  the  business  out — out  of  it — 
(Positively,  striking  the  table,  startling  CARDING 
TON)  /  can  make  Jane  happy — 

CARDINGTON.  (Equally  loud)  Then  for  God's 
sake,  do  it,  Hoopah. 

(Enter  SENATOR  and  DUFFIELD  R.) 

SENATOR.  That's  the  gentleman,  this  side, 
(Goes  up  c.  to  window) 

DUFFIELD.    Mr.  Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.     Yes,  I'm  Mr.  Putnam. 

DUFFIELD.    May  I  have  a  word  with  you? 

CARDINGTON.  (Glad  to  quit  HOOPER)  You  may. 
(Rises) 

(HOOPER  rises,  goes  to  table  L.,  places  chair  R.  at 
back  of  table  and  sits,  facing  front.) 

DUFFIELD.     My  name's  Duffield.     I'm  from  the 
law  office  of  Brooks,  Fairbank  and  Brooks. 
CARDINGTON.    What  can  I  do  for  you? 
DUFFIELD.    We  represent  Mrs.  Putnam. 
CARDINGTON.      (Drops   monocle  from   eye   and 


68          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

stares  at  DUFFIELD  stupefied.  Pause)  Mrs.  Put 
nam  ?  Oh,  you  mean — inothah  ? 

DUFFJELD.     I  mean,  your  wife. 

CARDINGTON.    My  wife? 

DUFFIELD.     Mrs.  Montgomery  Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.    Well,  but  I'm  not — married,  am  I? 

DUFFIELD.  Not  now,  sir,  of  course,  but  I  sup 
pose  you  must  admit  that  you're  liable  for  the  ali 
mony? 

CARDINGTON.    Oh — alimony. 

DUFFIELD.  Yes,  sir.  Your  default  puts  you  in 
contempt  of  court.  We  don't  wish  to  make  an  ar 
rest,  but —  (Indicating  by  turn  of  the  head  R.)  an 
officer  of  the  court  is  there  in  the  corridor,  if  you 
refuse  to  pay. 

CARDINGTON.  (To  himself)  Damn  it!  (Pause) 
And  I  told  Miss  Fordyce — 

DUFFIELD.  (Positively}  Miss  Fordyce  has 
nothing  to  say  in  the  premises,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  I'm  not  such  an  ass  as  that, 
my  good  fellow. 

DUFFIELD.    We  want  the  money. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  very  well.  (Pause)  I  shall 
have  to  cable  to  Cairo — 

DUFFIELD.  My  instructions  don't  permit  that  de 
lay,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.     Well,  what's  the  amount? 

DUFFIELD.    Five  thousand  dollars. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  that's  a  thousand  pounds,  isn't 
it? 

DUFFIELD.    About  that. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  you  know,  a  chap  doesn't 
carry  that  amount  with  him. 

DUFFIELD.    Your  check's  good. 

CARDINGTON.  My  check—  (Weakening)  You 
know,  I've  a  jolly  good  mind  to  tell  you  something. 
(Pause)  No — I  can't  do  that.  (Look  at  HOOPER) 
Hoopah  must  know  about  it.  (To  DUFFIELD) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          69 

Permit  me  to  speak  to  my  friend  a  moment.  (DuF- 
FIELD  bows  and  turns  up,  joining  SENATOR.  CARD- 
INGTON  goes  L.  to  HOOPER)  Mr.  Hoopah,  you're  a 
business  man — ah  this  chap  heah-—  (Pause) 

HOOPER.    I  heard  what  you've  said  to  each  other. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh!  (Pause)  There's  no  way 
out  of  it,  I  suppose?  (HOOPER  shakes  head. 
CARDINGTON  gets  his  book,  looks  at  it  hopelessly) 
It's  a  dirty  trick.  (Sits  L.  of  table  c.) 

HOOPER.  (Rises)  Well,  you  didn't  defend  the 
suit.  You  go  abroad — you  pay  the  piper. 

CARDINGTON.  You  know,  a  chap  who  could  do 
that — I  must  have  inherited  some  damned  nasty 
traits  from  my  parents,  Hoopah? 

HOOPER.  Well,  the  old  man  had  'em.  Your 
mother  was  an  angel. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  hang  it.  (Looks  at  DUF- 
FIELD,  then  at  his  book)  I'm  beginning  to  despair  a 
little,  even  of  mothah. 

DUFFIELD.     (Approaching)     Well,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  (Rising)  You  handle  this  affair 
for  me,  Hoopah — there's  a  good  chap. 

HOOPER.  (Nods  to  DUFFIELD)  You  don't  want 
all  that  money  at  once,  do  you? 

DUFFIELD.  Not  if  it's  secured.  We'll  take  a 
thousand  now  and  the  other  four  thousand  in  a 
month. 

HOOPER.  (To  CARDINGTON,  who  has  gone  out  of 
it  to  table  L.)  Give  him  your  check  for  a  thousand 
dollars. 

CARDINGTON.  My  check —  (Pause)  I'll  see 
what  cash  I  have.  (Goes  into  pocket.  Enter  AR 
THUR  R.)  Excuse  me,  here's  another  friend  of 
mine.  (Crosses  above  table  and  meeting  ARTHUR 
at  R.  c.  HOOPER  rises  and  resumes  seat  at  table  L. 
with  newspaper,  DUFFIELD  goes  up  to  SENATOR) 

ARTHUR.     What's  up? 

CARDINGTON.     Why,  it  appears  that  this  damned 


70          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

fellow  who  lent  me  his — his  damned  name,  is  mar 
ried — and  divorced — and  owes  a  lot  of  alimony. 

ARTHUR.    Ha,  ha,  ha ! 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  hang  it,  Arthur,  I  don't  see 
anything  to  laugh  at.  {Rather  offended)  They 
want  a  thousand  dollars— -something  over  two  hun 
dred  pounds  now.  Here's  a  hundred  pounds,  and 
how  much  is  that?  (Producing  United  States  Cur 
rency) 

ARTHUR.  (Running  rapidly  through  the  bills) 
Fifty — fifty — fifty — twenty — twenty — two  hundred 
and  ten  dollars — that's  forty-two  pounds. 

CARDINGTON.    You'll  take  my  check,  won't  you? 

ARTHUR.    Won't  they  take  it? 

CARDINGTON.  If  I  sign  Putnam — but  on  a  check, 
hang  it,  that'd  be  forgery,  old  fellow.  It  appears 
I've  committed  alimony,  but  you  know  Arthur,  that 
wasn't  intentional. 

ARTHUR.  (Eagerly)  I'll  let  you  have  it,  and 
you  say  you  give  your  consent  to  my  marriage  with 
Ella. 

CARDINGTON.  (Severely)  Now,  look  here,  Ar 
thur,  you  know  that  that's  blackmail.  (Pause) 
You  know  I  could  have  you  arrested  for  that. 

ARTHUR.    Call  it  what  you  like.    Do  you  do  it? 

CARDINGTON.     No,  sir. 

ARTHUR.  Then  I  keep  my  three  hundred. 
(Turns  to  go) 

CARDINGTON.  (Detaining  him)  Look  here,  Ar 
thur.  I'll  cable  this  fellow.  I'll  do  that,  and  tell 
him  I  know  you  and  that  you're  a  devilish  good 
sort,  and  have  lent  me  three  hundred  dollars,  and 
that  I  advise  his  giving  his  consent.  I  can  do  that, 
you  know. 

ARTHUR.    At  once? 

CARDINGTON.    At  once,  Arthur. 

ARTHUR.    Very  well.     (Gives  money) 

CARDINGTON.     Thank  you,  dear  boy.     (Turns  to 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          71 

DUFFIELD)  Here,  my  man!  (DUFFIELD  turns  to 
him.  CARDINGTON,  with  hands  full  of  various  bills 
crosses  to  HOOPER)  You're  quite  sure  this  is  regu 
lar,  Mr.  Hoopah? 

HOOPER.    Quite 

CARDINGTON.  (To  DUFFIELD)  There's  the  thou 
sand  dollars,  then. 

DUFFIELD.  There  must  be  security  for  the  other 
four. 

HOOPER.    I'll  give  that,  if  Mr.  Putnam  wishes  it. 

CARDINGTON.     Thank  you ! 

DUFFIELD.  You  can  sign  this.  (DUFFIELD  sits 
at  table  R.,  with  HOOPER  and  counts  money  while 
HOOPER  signs) 

SENATOR.     (Coming  down  c.)     Fixed,  Duffield? 

DUFFIELD.    Yes,  sir. 

SENATOR.  (To  CARDINGTON)  And  you,  sir, 
must  leave  this  hotel.  You!  (CARDINGTON  is  ob 
livious.  ARTHUR  directs  his  attention  to  SENATOR 
and  turns  up  c.  CARDINGTON  turns  to  SENATOR,  ad 
justing  monocle)  Speaking  to  me? 

SENATOR.  I'm  speaking  to  you.  Your  wife  cares 
nothing  for  this  dirty  money. 

CARDINGTON.     Well,  somebody's  very  particular. 

SENATOR.  She  wishes  to  be  unmolested  and  to 
avoid  you.  Her  health  isn't  the  best,  as  you  know, 
and  if  she  were  to  meet  you  face  to  face — well — it 
might  kill  her. 

CARDINGTON.     Oh ! 

(Enter  HARRIET.) 
HARRIET.     Mr.  Putnam 


CARDINGTON.     Miss  Fordyce 

SENATOR.     (Astonished)     What — — 
HARRIET.     I'm  ready. 

CARDINGTON.     You'll  excuse  me,  then,  Hoopah, 
won't  you? 

SENATOR.     (Starts  to  interfere)     But— 


72          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET, 

CARDINGTON.  (Turning)  If  you  speak  one  word 
of  that  beastly  row  before  this  lady,  I'll  thrash  you. 
(Mumbles  in  dumb  show  some  "  cuss  words"  at 
SENATOR.  Turns  to  HARRIET.  Fixes  HARRIET'S 
glove.  Exit  on  2nd  Curtain} 

(SENATOR  stands  dumbfounded.') 
CURTAIN. 


ACT  II. 

SCENE: — LORD  CARDINGTON'S  parlor,  third  floor, 
Waldorf -Astoria.  Two  windows  in  R.  wall 
look  onto  Fifth  Ave.  A  mantel  and  fireplace 
are  at  c.  back.  The  door  to  R.  of  mantel  lets 
into  bedroom,  where  an  end  of  a  handsome 
brass  bed  shows.  The  door  L.  of  mantel  lets 
into  private  hall  running  straight  back  to  next 
apartment.  The  L.  wall  of  this  hall  is  occupied 
by  closets  further  back,  and  a  door  at  lower 
end,  letting  into  main  corridor  of  third  floor. 
This  corridor  may  be  glimpsed  by  an  auditor 
to  the  left  of  the  orchestra  chairs.  A  double 
door  L.  of  scene,  proper,  lets  to  private  dining- 
room.  Stage  is  set  with  table  c.,  sofa  to  R.  of 
table,  desk  between  windows  R.  Book-case  R. 
u.  corner.  Piano  down  L.  Clock  on  mantel. 
A  Boot  Box  is  in  hall  wall. 

DISCOVERED,  WILKINS  and  3rd  floor  WAITER. 

WILKINS.  (Seated  L.  of  table)  Hand,  it  won't 
be  cold,  you  tell  me? 

HALL  WAITER.  (Standing)  Not  for  a  party  of 
four. 

WALKINS.    What's  the  party  to  do  with  it? 

HALLWAITER.  For  a  small  party  we  cook  it 
right  here.  We  have  a  kitchen  on  each  floor. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          73 

WILKINS.    My  word ! 

HALL  WAITER.  (Sitting  in  armchair)  I  could 
cook  for  six,  but— 

WALKINS.     (Rising)     Stand  hup — you! — 

HALL  WAITER.     Stand  up  ? 

WILKINS.  'Ow  dare  you — a  bally  waiter,  sitting 
down  in  the  presence  of  a  gentleman's  gentleman. 
I'll  'ave  you  discharged. 

HALL  WAITER.  (Rising)  Vy  you're  only  a  valet, 
you  are — dat's  all. 

WILKINS.  (Sitting)  Well,  don't  you  sit  down 
all  the  same.  (Knock.  WILKINS  stands  promptly) 
Get  hout ! 

{WAITER  goes  L.    WILKINS  goes  to  hall  door  up  L.) 

HALLWAITER.  Dem  fellows  never  licked  de 
Boers — no  zaw-ree! 

JANE.     (At  hall  door)     Is  Mr.  Putnam  here? 

WILKINS.     No,  ma'am. 

JANE.     (Entering)     This  is  his  room? 

WILKINS.     These  are  his  apartments,  madame. 

JANE.     Come  in,  Ella. 

WILKINS.    But,  Mr.  Putnam  isn't— 

JANE.    Fm  Mr.  Putnam's  sister. 

WILKINS.     Ow ! 

JANE.  This  young  lady  is  his  niece.  How  long 
have  you  been  with  Mr.  Putnam? 

WILKINS.     Quite  a  time,  ma'am,  hoff  and  on. 

JANE.  (Going^  down  R.  of  table  and  circling  up 
L.  of  c.,  seeing  piano,  stops)  Then  you  have  heard 
him  speak  of  his  sister  Jane  ? 

WILKINS.    I  'ave,  ma'am. 

JANE.  (To  ELLA)  Piano — your  Uncle  Mont 
gomery  doesn't  play.  (To  WILKINS)  Do  you 
play? 

WILKINS.  Hit's  the  'otel,  ma'am.  Hit  gows 
with  the  hapartment 


74          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

JANE.  (Looking  off  at  door  L.)  Oh,  dining- 
room — who's  is  that? 

WILKINS.  Our  private  dining-room,  ma'am, 
(Crossing  to  c.) 

JANE.  (Going  to  door  up  R.  c,  and  looking 
about)  Bedroom.  Private  bath,  I  suppose? 

WILKINS.  Yes,  ma'am,  with  a  china  tub,  'ot  and 
cold  water  cocks. 

JANE.  See  this,  Ella?  (Picks  up  bag  with  init 
ial  on  it.  Brings  from  alcove  room  R.  c. ) 

ELLA.    What  of  it  ? 

JANE.  That's  a  bag  I  gave  Montgomery  in  '92. 
Bought  it  from  my  own  little  starvation  allowance. 
(Throws  bag  in  corner  up  R.  WILKINS  makes  ges 
ture  of  remonstrance,  goes  and  picks  up  bag  and 
replaces  it  in  room  up  R.)  Huh!  I've  learned 
something  since  then.  Here's  the  mail!  (R.  of 
table,  looking  over  mail) 

WILKINS.     Private  mail,  ma'am.     (Protesting) 

JANE>    My  letter,  Ella,  unopened. 

ELLA.    Then  that  explains  it,  doesn't  it? 

JANE,  To  some  extent,  yes.  Here's  one  in  his 
own  handwriting. 

WILKINS.    I  think  not,  ma'am. 

JANE.  Who  asked  yott  to  think  ?  I  guess  I  know 
my  brother's  signature.  This  is  a  self-addressed 
envelope  from  Berlin  to  Boston,  forwarded  to  New 
York.  Well — I  don't  understand  that.  If  my 
brother  insists  on  writing  to  himself,  seems  to  me 
he  should  know  where  he's  at.  (Crossing  up  and 
turning  to  WILKINS)  Look  here ! 

WILKINS.     I'm  looking,  ma'am. 

JANE.  You  say  my  brother  occasionally  speaks 
of  his  family.  (Bell  rings)  What's  that? 

WILKINS.  The  door,  ma'am.  Excuse  me. 
(Goes  to  door) 

JANE.     (Crossing  behind  and  down  R.  of  settee, 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          75 

before  which  she  pauses.  To  ELLA)  Bells  on  a 
bedroom  door — -of  all  the  fool  hotels — 

WILKINS.  (At  door)  He's  not  in,  Mr.  Weath- 
erbee. 

ARTHUR.     Hasn't  come  back,  then? 

(ELLA  rises.) 

WILKINS.     No,  sir. 

ELLA.  (Going  up  L.)  It's  Arthur,  Auntie.  Oh, 
Arthur ! 

ARTHUR.  (Appearing)  Yes—  (Sees  JANE) 
Wow!  (Looks  at  WILKINS) 

WILKINS.    Mr.  Putnam's  sister,  sir. 

ARTHUR.  (Fluffing)  Yes,  yes.  (To  JANE) 
You  heard  from  your  brother,  then? 

JANE.  Not  at  all.  My  letter's  here,  unopened. 
But  you  told  him  we  were  here,  Ella  says.  (Sits, 
settee) 

ARTHUR.    Oh,  yes,  yes. 

JANE.  And  Ella  says  you're  quite  old  friends, 
shook  hands  with  you — after  he  recognized  you — 

ARTHUR.    Oh,  yes,  yes. 

JANE.  Well,  it's  very  funny  you  never  mentioned 
it  to  us.  Montgomery  Putnam's  not  a  very  com 
mon  name. 

ARTHUR.  (In  front  of  table  c.)  You  know  I 
called  him  Mr.  Putnam.  You  see,  Putnam — Put 
nam  by  itself  is  not  so  unusual,  especially  in  Eng 
land. 

( WILKINS  turns  up  to  hide  his  amusement.) 

JANE.    True ! 

ARTHUR.  And  then  this  one — that  is — he's  so 
much  like  an  Englishman  I  always  thought  he  was 
an  Englishman,  and — your  brother's  an  American. 

JANE.  (Pause)  Why  didn't  you  ask  him  flat- 
footed  about  Ella? 


76          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

ARTHUR.  Well,  that  seemed  rather  a  family 
matter,  don't  you  think  so? 

JANE.  Yes,  I  suppose  it  is.  (Rises  and  crosses 
L.,  looks  into  dining-room) 

ARTHUR.    (Relieved;  turns  up  to  mantel  c.)    Yes. 
(ELLA  goes  c.) 

JANE.  Then  he  expects  us,  of  course.  His  table 
is  set  for  four  to  lunch.  (To  WILKINS)  Do  you 
know  anything  about  it? 

WILKINS.  'E  said  'ave  lunch  for  four,  that's 
h'all  I  know. 

JANE.  Well,  you  and  Mr.  Weatherbee  might 
wait  downstairs,  then,  Ella.  There's  a  woman 
coming  with  a  new  dress,  and —  (Lowering  voice) 
and  some  other  articles  for  me.  (Going  up  L. ) 

ELLA.     (Rising  and  following)    Very  well. 
(Exit  JANE.) 

ARTHUR.  (Quickly.  To  WILKINS)  The  young 
lady  has  never  seen  Mr.  Putnam,  Wilkins.  But  the 
old  one's  his  sister. 

WILKINS.     I  understand,  sir. 

ELLA.     (Re-appearing)     You  coming,  Arthur? 

ARTHUR.     Yes,  dear. 

WILKINS.  Keep  Jer  'ere  a  few  minutes,  sir.  Mas 
ter  might  come  and  send  some  word  to  the  old  'un. 

ARTHUR.  (Up  L.)  Oh,  Ella,  have  you  noticed 
this  boot-box  in  all  the  rooms? 

ELLA.     No. 

ARTHUR.  (Displaying  box)  Man  puts  his  boots 
in  there  at  night.  The  porter  takes  them  by  an 
other  door  in  the  hall.  Man  open's  this  door  in  the 
morning — there  you  are — clean  boots. 

ELLA.     Why,  how  convenient. 

WILKINS.  This  is  a  bloomin'  fine  mess  for  an 
Earl  to  be  into.  (Exit  door  u.  R.) 

ARTHUR.     And  the  clock — one  in  every  room  in 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          77 

the  hotel,  run  by  electricity,  and  regulated  from  the 
office.  (Touches  connecting  wire) 

ELLA.     Lovely  rooms. 

ARTHUR.     Yes,  indeed — fine  corner. 

ELLA.  (Crossing  to  window  R. )  That's  Fifth 
Avenue. 

TVRTHUR.  (ARTHUR  joining  ELLA  at  window, 
his  arm  about  her  waist)  Running  this  way,  yes. 
That's  34th  street.  Oh,  there's  3*our  uncle  now. 
(Calls)  That's  Mr.  Putnam,  isn't  it,  Wilkins? 
(Enter  WILKINS  door  up  R.  c.)  Walking  there 
with  the  lady. 

WILKINS.     (At  2nd  window)     That's  'im,  sir. 

ELLA.     Why,  he's  with  Harriet. 

ARTHUR.     Miss  Fordyce,  yes. 

ELLA.     Think  of  it.     (Going  to  c.) 

ARTHUR.     /  introduced  them. 

ELLA.  (Facing  him,  amazed  and  amused)  You 
— you  introduced  them? 

ARTHUR.     Yes,  I  introduced  them. 

ELLA.  (Going  and  sitting  settee)  Oh,  Ha,  ha, 
ha!  (Curls  up  in  laughter  on  the  sofa) 

ARTHUR.     What's  the  matter? 

ELLA.  (Trying  to  control  laughter)  Matter? 
(She  looks  at  WILKINS,  who  smiles  knowingly  and 
renews  her  laughter) 

ARTHUR.  (Also  looking  at  WILKINS)  What's 
the  joke,  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.     (c.)     Ask  the  lady,  sir. 

ELLA.  How  long  have  you  been  working  for  my 
uncle,  Mr.  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.     In  'is  service,  Miss?     Several  years. 

ELLA.  He  introduced  Harriet  Fordyce  to  Uncle 
Montgomery  Putnam  this  morning.  (Laughs 
again,  rising  and  going  up  L.)  Oh,  Arthur !  (Exit, 
laughing) 

ARTHUR.  Wilkins,  what  the  devil  was  all  that— 
(Indicates  sofa)  about? 


78          THE  EARL  OE  PAWTUCKET. 

WILKINS.  Well,  I  suppose  the  young  lady  knows 
them  two  didn't  need  much  introduction.  That's 
the  Earlscourt,  Ferris-wheel  young  woman,  sir — 

ARTHUR.  (Disgusted)  Oh,  Piffel !  (Comes 
down  R.  of  table)  Why,  that's  why  I  introduced 
them. 

(Enter  CARDINGTON  L.,  smiles.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Calls)  Wilkins.  (Sees  ARTHUR) 
Oh,  Arthur!  ( Going  c.) 

ARTHUR.  (Down  R.  of  c.)  Better  shut  that 
door,  Wilkins. 

( WILKINS  moves  towards  door,  hesitates,  looking 
for  CARDINGTON'S  sanction.  CARDINGTON  re 
gards  WILKINS,  WILKINS  obeys.) 

CARDINGTON.     (To  ARTHUR)     Why? 

ARTHUR.    Putnam's  sister  is  going  to  call  on  you. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  she  be  blowed!  Leave  the 
door  open,  Wilkins.  It's — it's  all  going  along  beau 
tifully,  Arthur.  (Gives  hat,  stick  and  gloves  to 
WILKINS,  who  places  hat  on  mantel-shelf  and 
hangs  cane  at  the  edge) 

ARTHUR.  Well,  I'm  glad  you  like  it.  Four  thou 
sand  dollars  to  pay  to  some  lawyers  and  an  old  lady 
coming,  who'll  know  you're  not  her  brother,  the 
minute  she  claps  eyes  on  you. 

CARDINGTON.  (Easily  and  proud  of  himself)  I 
shan't  see  her,  Arthur.  (ARTHUR  moves  over  R.) 
Wilkins,  take  my  coat.  (To  ARTHUR,  while  remov 
ing  his  coat)  Excuse  me,  old  chap,  won't  you? 
(ARTHUR  moves,  going)  Don't  run  away,  but  I 
can't  lunch  in  these  garments.  Miss  Fordyce  is 
coming  to  lunch  with — with  us.  ( WILKINS  lays 
coat  over  back  of  chair,  then  takes  hat  and  cane 
from  mantel-piece  and  exit  R.  u.  E.  Much  pleased 
with  himself)  You  must  bring  your  girl.  They're 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          79 

friends,  you  know — and  you — you  must  chaperone 
me,  don't  you  see,  you  jolly  old  dog,  you.  (Both 
hands  on  ARTHUR'S  shoulders) 

ARTHUR.    But  you're  my  girl's  uncle. 

CARDINGTON.  (Annoyed)  Of  course  I  am.  I 
keep  forgetting  that.  Why,  that's  what  she  said, 
when  she  accepted  my  invitation. 

ARTHUR.  But  see  here,  if  you're  so  punctilious, 
you  can't  pretend  to  give  an  uncle's  consent  to  our 
marriage,  why  do  you  expect  two  young  ladies  to 
lunch  with  you  privately? 

CARDINGTON.  (Sitting,  settee)  I  don't.  I  asked 
her  to  fetch  her  father,  dear  boy. 

ARTHUR.    Oh,  you  did? 

CARDINGTON.  (Rising)  Of  course,  I  did.  She 
said,  if  I  didn't  mind,  she'd  rather  have  you  and 
Miss — what's  her  name? 

ARTHUR.     Miss  Seaford? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes — said  she  wouldn't  mind  com 
ing  with  my  niece;  I  felt  a  guilty  beggar,  but  you'd 
introduced  me  as  the  girl's  uncle,  you  know,  Arthur. 
(At  table.  Re-enter  WILKINS) 

ARTHUR.    Yes — but— 

CARDINGTON.  (IVith  mail)  Oh,  here's  a  letter 
in  Putnam's  handwriting. 

WILKINS.     So  his  sister  said,  sir — 

CARDINGTON.     (Opening  letter)     His  sister? 

ARTHUR.    Just  left  here 

( WILKINS  nods.) 

CARDINGTON.  Oh!  (Pause)  Excuse  my  read 
ing  it,  won't  you? 

ARTHUR.  I  should  rather  advise  you  to  read  it. 
(Crossing  down  to  armchair  L.,  sits) 

CARDINGTON.  (With  envelope,  sits)  Boston — 
been  forwarded ! 

WILKINS.    'Is  sister  Jane  wondered,  sir,  why  you 


So          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

was  writin'  to  yourself,  sir.  (Goes  up  to  door  at 
back  R.  c.) 

CARDINGTON.  (With  letter,  smiles)  Oh!  (To 
ARTHUR)  Yes,  it  must  have  perplexed  her. 
(Reads)  "Dear  Cardington:  Have  changed  my 
mind  about  Cairo.  Shall  go  to  Monte  Carlo  in 
stead.  Since  leaving  you,  it  has  occurred  to  me 
that  you  had  better  be  in  possession  of  my  reason 
for  advising  you  not  to  visit  New  York,  though  it's 
rather  a  sore  subject  with  me.  I  was  married  for 
a  short  time — three  months  in  fact —  (Pause. 
To  ARTHUR)  You  know,  Arthur,  I'd  never  have 
used  his  name  at  all,  if  I'd  known  that— 

ARTHUR.  'Tis  a  pity,  of  course,  but  we  must 
make  the  best  of  it  now. 

CARDINGTON.  (Reads)  "  Three  months,  in 
fact—  (Speaks)  You  know  it  isn't  as  if  I'd 
asked  him  for  his  damned  name.  He  offered  it, 
you  know. 

ARTHUR.     (Amused)     Well,  see  what  he  says. 

CARDINGTON.  (Reads)  "  Married  for  a  short 
time — three  months,  in  fact—  (Speaks)  A — a — 
and  I  pay  for  it !  (Glances  at  letter,  looks  up  think 
ing)  A  thousand  dollars.  That's  two  hundred 
pounds,  isn't  it? 

ARTHUR.     Yes,  a  trifle  more,  but— 

CARDINGTON.  Everything's  devilish  expensive 
over  heah.  (Reads)  "  Married  for  a  short  time." 
(Speaks)  You  know,  I  never  went  in  for  that  sort 
of—- dissipation  myself  and  why  Mr.  Putnam — 

ARTHUR.  (Indicating  letter — half  impatient) 
He's  explaining  that. 

CARDINGTON.  (Reads)  "  Married  for  a  short 
time — three  months,  in  fact."  (Pause.  Speaks) 
You  know,  Arthur,  it  isn't  so  much  the  money, 
either.  But  during  our  walk,  Miss  Fordyce  ex 
pressed  herself  very  forcibly  about  divorced  people 
and  I  found  myself  defending  them. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          81 

ARTHUR.    But  why  should  you? 

CARDINGTON.  Exactly,  why  should  I?  (Pause) 
But  you  see,  that's  the  Cardington  habit  of  mind. 
The  Cardingtons  are  always  profound  thinkers,  but 
not — not — 

ARTHUR.     Not  superficially  alert. 

CARDINGTON.  (Admiring  the  phrase)  Exactly! 
(Reads)  "  Three  months  in  fact.  My  wife  ap 
plied  for  a  divorce  in  New  York,  and  got  her  decree 
with  a  considerable  allowance  for  alimony.  She 
was  in  London  when  I  last  saw  her,  but  I  fancy  if 
you  should  go  to  New  York  under  my  name,  her 
attorneys  might  annoy  you."  (With  a  world  of 
irony  but  no  smile)  Annoy!  Isn't  it  laughable! 
(Regards  envelope)  Boston,  when  did  this  come, 
Wilkins?  (Turning  to  c.) 

WILKINS.  (Coming  forward)  This  morning, 
sir.  I  brought  it  to  you  in  the  dining-room,  sir, 
when  you  were  talking  with  the  Ferris-wheel  young 
lady. 

CARDINGTON.  You'll  call  her  Miss  Fordyce, 
Wilkins.  (c.  below  table) 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir.     (Exit  door  back  R.  c.) 

CARDINGTON.  (To  ARTHUR)  Great  presence  of 
mind,  but  no — no  delicacy. 

ARTHUR.  Montgomery  Putnam's  at  Monte 
Carlo,  then? 

CARDINGTON.  So  he  says.  (Removing  necktie, 
which  he  lays  on  table) 

ARTHUR.    You  promised  to  cable  him,  you  know. 

CARDINGTON.  Can't  you  do  that  for  me,  old 
chap  ? 

ARTHUR.    "(Rising)     Yes,  if  you  wish  it. 

CARDINGTON.     That's  a  good  fellow. 

ARTHUR.    What  shall  I  say?    (Goes  to  desk  R.  2) 

(Enter  WILKINS  door  R.  c.,  an  assortment  of  scarfs 
over  his  arm.) 


82          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.  Why,  tell  the  truth,  Arthur,  and 
don't  be  too  modest.  Say  that  I've  known  you  for 
many  years,  and  you're  a  devilish  good  sort. 

ARTHUR.  Thank  you  very  much.  (Writes  on 
telegraph  blank) 

(WILKINS  presents  necktie.) 
CARDINGTON.    Give  me  the  white  one,  Wilkins. 

( WILKINS  hangs  scarfs  over  back  of  chair.  Selects 
white  one  and  proceeds  to  tie  it  on  CARDING- 
TON'S  collar.) 

CARDINGTON.  I  say,  Arthur,  who  was  that  old 
chap — 

ARTHUR.     (At  desk — writing)     Which  chap? 

CARDINGTON.  That  old  chap  who  said  I'd  got  to 
leave  the  hotel,  because  my  wife  is  heah  ? 

ARTHUR.    I  don't  know. 

CARDINGTON.  (Speaking  over  WILKIN'S  head) 
My — a — ha — my  thousand-pound  wife.  Sounds 
like  a  museum  poster. 

ARTHUR.  His  advice  was  good  anyway.  I  think 
you  should  leave  the  hotel. 

CARDINGTON.  Leave  the  hotel! — with  Miss 
Fordyce  heah?  Rather  not — she's  the  sole  object 
of  my  trip  to  America.  And  I  shall  not  leave  the 
hotel,  if  only  to  prevent  her  and  (Rises)  this  Mrs. 
Putnam  coming  together.  (Approaching  and  indi 
cating  necktie)  How  is  that  tied,  Arthur? 

ARTHUR.  (Turning  and  glancing  at  tie)  Per 
fectly  ! 

CARDINGTON.  What  you  deah  old  boys  over 
heah  \vould  call  a — a — corkah.  Fetch  my  coat  and 
carnation,  Wilkins.  (Exit  door  R.  u.  c,  removing 
waistcoat  as  he  goes) 

WILKINS.  (Exit  door  u.  R.  c.,  follows  with  coat) 
Yes,  sir. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          83 

ARTHUR.  (Calling  and  ivriting)  You  don't 
mind  my  making  you  say,  "  My  friend  Arthur 
Weatherbee  loves  your  niece  ?  " 

CARDINGTON.     (Calling)     Not  at  all,  Arthur. 

ARTHUR.  Thanks.  "  I  advise  your  consent  to 
their  marriage." 

CARDINGTON.  (Heard  off)  Say,  "  May  I  give 
your  consent  ?  " 

ARTHUR.  Oh,  very  good.  (Scratches  out  and 
repeats  in  low  tone  as  he  writes)  "  May — I — give 
— your — consent." 

CARDINGTON.  (Calling}  Got  that,  Arthur? 
(Re-appears,  displaying  with  much  pride  colored 
waistcoat  he  has  just  donned)  I  say,  Arthur, 
ho\v's  that?  (ARTHUR  looks  up  smiling)  Isn't 
that  the — ah — the  limit?  (ARTHUR  laughs.  Exit 
CARDINGTON  R.  u.  c.) 

(HARRIET  appears  L.  u.) 

ARTHUR.  (Calling)  Sign  "  Cardington." 
(Turns.  Sees  HARRIET) 

CARDINGTON.  (Off)  Not  at  all,  Arthur.  Sign 
my  initials  only. 

HARRIET.  (With  finger  on  lips,  enters.  She  car 
ries  copy  of  Evening  Telegram)  Come  here! 
(Beckoning;  ARTHUR  crosses  to  her)  Your  friend. 
(SJwws  CARDINGTOX'S  picture  in  the  paper) 

ARTHUR.  Miss  Fordyce,  there  are  diplomatic 
reasons 

HARRIET.  Oh,  I  won't  tell,  not  even  him,  and  I'll 
hide  the  picture.  (Tears  picture  from  paper) 

CARDINGTON.  (Off)  I  say,  Arthur,  you  must 
make  haste  and  fetch  my  niece  to  luncheon — my 
deah  niece. 

HARRIET.  (Still  in  undertone)  Why  did  you 
persuade  him  to  pretend  to  be  Ella's  uncle? 

ARTHUR.    I  ? 


84          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.     (Calling}     Well,  Arthur 

ARTHUR.     Oh,  yes,  I'm  going  at  once. 

HARRIET.  (Retreating)  Not  a  word.  Not  a 
word!  (Exit) 

CARDINGTON.  It's  time,  you  know,  now.  (Re- 
enter,  in  "swell"  attire,  followed  by  WILKINS) 

(ARTHUR  (joes  down  L.) 

(Doorbell  is  heard.) 
CARDINGTON.    Oh ! 

(  WILKINS  crosses  L.  u.  to  hall-door.    HARRIET  re 
appears,  pauses  in  doorway.) 

HARRIET.    Oh,  may  I  come  in? 

CARDINGTON.  Oh !  Waiting  for  you,  my  dear 
lady.  (Going  up  to  meet  HARRIET,  taking  her  hand 
and  coining  forward  with  her)  Have  you  arranged 
with  my  niece? 

HARRIET.  (Pausing  c.)  No,  I  concluded  not  to 
come  to  luncheon,  Mr.  Putnam,  unless  your  sister, 
Jane,  comes  too. 

(  WILKINS,  laughing  covertly.    Exit  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Disconcerted)  Oh, — Jane — well, 
really,  Miss  Fordyce,  Jane — Mr.  Weathebee 
knows,  don't  you,  Arthur?  (Coming  down  R.  of 
table)  Jane's  my  sister,  but  the  fact  is — I'd  rather 
get  acquainted  with  my  niece,  without  her  mother 
being  present. 

HARRIET.     Her  mother? 

ARTHUR.  (Almost  ill  with  it,  but  trying  to  help 
him)  Ella's  mother  was  too  ill  to  come,  so  her 
Aunt  Jane  came  instead. 

CARDINGTON.     Oh— that's  it— well,  I  don't  think 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          85 

I  care  to  have  even  Aunt  Jane  with  us.  (Crossing 
to  ARTHUR  and  urging  him  to  go)  See  if  you  can't 
persuade  the — young  lady,  Arthur.  Miss  Fordyce 
and  I  will  wait  for  you. 

(ARTHUR  starts  up  to  hall-door.) 

HARRIET.     (Protesting)     Oh,  really 

CARDINGTON.  (To  her)  I  beg  of  you —  (To 
ARTHUR,  giving  him  a  covert  push)  Go,  Arthur. 

(ARTHUR   shrugs   his   shoulders   to   HARRIET   and 
goes,  closing  the  door  after  him.) 

HARRIET.  (Pretending  dismay)  W hy  did  you 
do  that? 

CARDINGTON.  (Fervently)  Because  I  wanted  to 
have  this  moment  alone  with  you — if  our  luncheon 
must  be  given  over. 

HARRIET.  But  if  some  one  should  come,  Mr. 
Putnam,  this  "  moment  alone  "  as  you  call  it,  would 
appear  unpardonably  indiscreet,  to  say  the  least. 

CARDINGTON.  Indiscreet — what;  with  Wilkins? 
(Calls)  Wilkins! 

(Enter  WILKINS  L.) 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Wilkins,  I  want  you  to  stand  at 
that  window  and  tell  me  if — when  it  rains. 

WILKINS.  Yes,  sir.  (Takes  position  at  2nd  win 
dow) 

CARDINGTON.  Now,  Miss  Fordyce,  there  can  be 
no — no  inclement  weather  with  Wilkins  in  the 
cross-trees.  At  home,  Miss  Fordyce —  (Both  R.  c. 
above  settee) 

HARRIET.    By  "  home  "  you  mean,  Pawtucket  ? 

CARDINGTON.    Did  I  say  home? 

HARRIET.    Yes. 


86          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.  I  meant  London.  Most  of  my 
things  are  there  at  present. 

HARRIET.     Oh ! 

CARDINGTON.  And  in  England,  you  understand, 
no  gentleman  places  a  lady  in  a  compromising  po 
sition  without  being  willing  to  accept  the — the — 

HARRIET.    Why  do  you  hesitate  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  the  word  "  consequences  " 
has  been  unfortunately  distorted  into  meaning  only 
undesirable  results.  Ah— if  your  being  here  in  my 
—my — apartments  should  embarrass  you,  my  dear 
Miss  Fordyce,  I  should  be  proud  and  happy  to 
claim  the — 

HARRIET.     The  consequences? 

CARDINGTON.    Let  us  say  reward. 

HARRIET.  Do  I  understand  you  correctly?  Mr. 
Putnam?  What  you  are  saying  sounds  very  much 
like —  (Pause) 

CARDINGTON.     (Following)     Like  a  declaration. 

HARRIET.  (Down  R.)  Like  misguided  self- 
sacrifice. 

CARDINGTON.  Don't  laugh  at  me,  Miss  Fordyce, 
I  feel  my  entire  unworthiness  of  your  consider 
ation,  yet — 

HARRIET.  I  scarcely  know  you,  Mr.  Putnam. 
Of  course  I've  heard  of  you  from  your  family,  but 
I  find  you  so  different  yourself. 

CARDINGTON.  Does  anyone's  family  ever  really 
know  that  one? 

HARRIET.  (Steadily)  Does  one  ever  really 
know  one's  self? 

CARDINGTON.     Oh!     (Turning  aivay  to  c.) 

HARRIET.  (Approaching)  Your  point  of  view 
— about  matrimony,  as  you  explained  it  in  the  park, 
seems  to  have  charity  for  men — alone. 

CARDINGTON.  Pardon  me,  I  didn't  say  so.  We 
English  (Quickly  seeing  his  mistake)  and — and — 
Americans  regard  the  sexes  as  equals. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          87 

HARRIET.  (Front  of  table  c.)  What:  if  a 
woman  discovered  her  mistake  too  late,  after  mar 
riage,  let  us  say — 

CARDI  NGTOX  .  ( Sen  timentally,  in  terrupting ) 
Why  do  you  fear  it  would  be  a  mistake,  Miss 
Fordyce ? 

HARRIET.  (Turning  away  L.)  You  are  applying 
my  remarks  personally,  Mr.  Putnam — I  said,  a 
woman. 

CARDINGTON.    Oh ! 

HARRIET.  (Facing  him)  Suppose — a  woman 
found  herself  mistaken — after  she  was  married — 
what  then  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (At  c.)  Well, — I  think  she 
should  ask  the  other  fellow  to  wait  until  she  got  a 
divorce. 

HARRIET.     I  said  nothing  of  another  fellow. 

CARDINGTON.  I  beg  your  pardon.  (Turns  up  c. 
around  table) 

HARRIET.  (At  settee)  Would  you  accord  a 
woman  the  right  to  marry  a  second  time  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Above  table)  Why  certainly, 
unless  she  were  a  deceased  wife's  sister.  (HAR 
RIET,  laughing^,  sits,  settee)  Oh,  but  that  doesn't 
apply,  does  it? 

HARRIET.    WTould  you  marry  such  a  woman  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (To  settee,  bending  over  her)  If 
I  loved  her — yes.  Some  day,  Miss  Fordyce,  I  hope 
to  tell  you  how  love — that  one  touchstone  love — 
love — regardless  of  condition — or  rank  or  posses 
sion,  or  any  consideration  but  the  affinity — the  per 
sonality  affinity  of  t\vo  people —  (Prolonged  ring 
of  door-bell.  HARRIET  shows  some  annoyance — 
rises.  WILKINS  turns  from  window)  Now,  that's 
Arthur.  (Aside,  petulantly)  I  think  he  might 
have  waited — Mr.  Weatherbee 

( WILKINS  goes  to  door.) 


88          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.  (Retreating  R.,  drawing  back)  But  it 
may  not  be  Mr.  Weatherbee. 

CARDINGTON.     (Sharply)     Careful,  Wilkins. 

(WiLKiNS   draws  portieres,   shutting   off   hallway 
from  view.) 

FORDYCE.  (Outside)  Mr.  Montgomery  Put 
nam? 

HARRIET.  (In  alarm,  going  up  R.  of  settee)  My 
father ! 

WILKINS.    'Is  apartment,  sir. 

FORDYCE.    Mr.  Putnam  in? 

WILKINS.    No,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  (At  settee,  in  undertone  to  HAR 
RIET)  Let  me  speak  to  your  father — do. 

(HARRIET  shakes  her  head.) 

FORDYCE.  He  came  into  the  hotel  fifteen  minutes 
ago. 

WILKINS.  'Ave  you  looked  into  the  billiard  room 
for  him,  sir? 

FORDYCE.  No,  but  I  will.  (Door  is  heard  to 
shut.  WILKINS  draws  portieres  back) 

WILKINS.  'E's  gone,  sir.  ( WILKINS  crosses 
to  position  at  window) 

CARDINGTON.  (Aside,  in  annoyed  undertone) 
Great  presence  of  mind,  but  no — no  delicacy. 
(Turns  to  HARRIET) 

HARRIET.  I  must  go,  you  see.  (Crossing  to 
door  up  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  Do  you  fancy  he  was  looking  for 
you? 

HARRIET.  I'm  sure  of  it — you  see,  someone  has 
told  him  we  were  walking  together. 

CARDINGTON.    Why  not?     (Interposes) 

HARRIET.     (Coming  down  R.  of  table)     Oh,  I 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          89 

came  to  tell  you  that  your  name  is  in  the  Telegram 
first  edition,  out  at  noon. 

CARDINGTON.  My  name?  (Coming  forward  R. 
of  table  and  joining  HARRIET  c.) 

HARRIET.  Yes,  I've  brought  it  to  you.  Excuse  a 
torn  copy.  (Reads  paper  from  which  she  has  torn 
his  picture)  "  Foul  play  suspected,  Lord  Carding- 
ton,  a  peer  of  England,  missing.  Last  seen  at 
Southampton  with  Mr.  Montgomery  Putnam." 

CARDINGTON.    Dear  me,  may  I  look  at  that? 

HARRIET.  Certainly.  (Gives  CARDINGTON  the 
paper)  Did  you  know  Lord  Cardington  very  well  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Looks  uneasily  at  Harriet,  mov 
ing  away  a  few  steps)  Oh,  yes.  (Reads)  "  Lord 
Cardington  and  Mr.  Putnam  were  together  several 
days  before  Lord  Cardington  was  last  seen  alive." 
(Speaks)  "  Seen  alive." — sounds  rather  spooky, 
doesn't  it?  (Reads)  "  Mr.  Putnam's  name  was  on 
the  cabin  list  for  America.  The  English  authorities 
think  that  if  found  he  might  throw  some  light  on 
Lord  Cardington's  disappearance."  Oh! 

HARRIET.     (Eagerly)     Can  you? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes.  (Pause)  But  I  won't — you 
kno\v — and  that's  all.  Confound  these  newspaper 
fellows.  (Impatiently  flipping  paper  with  his  fing 
ers) 

HARRIET.  Where  is  Lord  Cardington  ?  Tell  me  ? 
(Laying  her  hand  on  his  arm) 

CARDINGTON.  Why — in — in  Monte  Carlo,  but 
that's  not  to  be  known,  (lories  to  take  her  hand, 
HARRIET  removes  it  from  his  arm,  moving  away  a 
little  R.) 

HARRIET.    Why  not? 

CARDINGTON.  (Approaching  her)  Well,  it 
seems — so  Cardington  told  me,  that  there's  a  trial 
in  the  House  of  Lords.  You  see,  it  mentions  it 
heah,  Lord  Culver's  trial— 

HARRIET.    Yes,  I  saw  that 


90          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCK^T. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  Cardington — so  Cardington 
told  me — knows  all  about  the  case.  He  doesn't 
want  to  sit  as  a  juryman  in  the  matter — it's  all  so 
jolly  blue,  you  know. 

HARRIET.     Blue  ? 

CARDINGTON.  That  is,  it's  so — how  shall  I  say — 
risque — that  Cardington  doesn't  even  wish  to  talk 
about  it,  so  he  decided  to  disappear,  you  see. 

HARRIET.  I  see — rather  than  admit  anything  that 
would  incriminate  himself. 

CARDINGTON.  Rather  than  tell  on  a  fellow  he 
likes.  Oh,  no,  Cardington  wasn't  mixed  up  in  the 
affair  himself. 

HARRIET.     So  you  think  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Turning  away  L.)  So  I  know, 
my  dear  lady. 

HARRIET.  (Following  to  c.)  How  can  you 
know,  Mr.  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.  Ah — Cardington  told  me — you 
see. 

HARRIET.  (Suppressing  a  smile)  Admitted  he 
was  innocent.  And  is  Lord  Cardington's  word  so 
infallible? 

CARDINGTON.  (With  dignity)  Well,  I  rather 
choose  to  take  it,  you  see. 

HARRIET.  Yes,  I  see;  but  I  asked  if  Lord  Card 
ington  was  so  completely  the  soul  of  honor? 

CARDINGTON.  (Stroking  moustache)  Quite  the 
average  sort,  I  should  think — but — ah — if  you'll 
pardon  me,  I'm  rather  keen  about  having  Carding 
ton  right  in  this  particular  matter.  It's  all  so  jolly 
blue,  you  know,  and  Cardington  doesn't  go  in  for 
the — the  blue  sort  of  thing — ah,  I'm  sure. 

HARRIET.    Then  this  allusion  to  foul  play? 

CARDINGTON.     Tommy  rot! 

HARRIET.  (Turning  away  R.)  I'll  tell  father  so, 
but  I  wished  you  to  see  the  item.  When  our  re 
porters  learn  you're  in  this  hotel,  you'll  be  quite 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          91 

busy,   I    fancy.      New   York   is   more   enterprising 
than — than  Pawtucket.     (Going  R.  of  settee  and  up 

c) 

CARDINGTON.    (Worried)    Oh!     (Turns  away  L.) 

HARRIET.  (Casually)  I  shall  watch  the  Wash 
ington  papers  very  anxiously  to — 

CARDINGTON.  Washington  papers?  (Going  to 
her) 

HARRIET.  Yes,  we  are  going  to  Washington  for 
a  week's  visit.  Papa  has  no  house  there;  we  stop 
at  the  hotel. 

CARDINGTON.  (Lighting  up)  By  Jove.  (Tosses 
newspaper  on  the  table) 

HARRIET.    What  is  it? 

CARDINGTON.    May  I  ask  the  name  of  the  hotel? 

HARRIET.    The  Willard. 

CARDINGTON.     Ah !     (Musing) 

HARRIET.    You  think  of  leaving? 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  Washington's  quite  worth 
while  itself,  isn't  it? 

HARRIET.     Oh,  quite. 

CARDINGTON.  (Again  wooing)  Would  you — ah 
• — would  you  resent  the  same  hotel? 

HARRIET.    No ! 

CARDINGTON.     (Earnestly)     Thank  you. 

HARRIET.   It  worked  very  well  in  Paris,  didn't  it? 

CARDINGTON.  (Laughs)  By  Jove — you're  an 
angel. 

HARRIET.  Good-bye  till  Washington.  (Turning 
up  L.  of  table  and  offering  hand) 

CARDINGTON.  (Taking  her  hand)  Oh,  don't  go 
— Arthur's  sure  to  come. 

HARRIET.     I  must,  I'm  dying  of  hunger — 

CARDINGTON.  I'm  a  beast  not  to  know  it.  (Go 
ing  above  and  L.  of  HARRIET)  Wilkins,  isn't  lunch 
ready  ? 

WILKINS.  Not  quite,  sir.  (Turning  from  win 
dow  and  crossing  towards  dining-room) 


92          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.    Good-bye.     (Starts  off) 

CARDINGTON.  (Gently  interposing)  Some  of  it 
must  be.  I  can  see  rolls  and  butter  from  here. 

WILKINS    Yes,  sir.     (Exit  dining-room  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Taking  her  hand  and  leading  her 
down  R.  above  settee)  Now,  do  have  a  bit  of  roll 
at  least.  Your  first  visit  to  me  and  we'll  break 
bread  together,  anyway.  I've  an  Arab's  sentiment 
about  that,  if  you'll  allow  me. 

(Enter  WILKINS  with  rolls.) 

HARRIET.     Well,  then,  as  a  matter  of  sentiment. 

CARDINGTON.  Yes!  (Taking  plate  from  WILK 
INS  and  going  to  table)  And  make  haste  with  the 
rest  of  it. 

WILKINS.    Yes,  sir!    (Exit  L.) 

CARDINGTON.     Ah — open  that  bottle,  Wilkins. 

HARRIET.     Oh,  no,  please  don't,  Mr.  Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.  (Restrains  her  with  a  gesture. 
HARRIET  sits)  By  Jove,  it's  awfully  jolly  this. 
Even  your  saying — ah !  "  please  don't  "  gives — - 
piquancy  to  it. 

(Bottle  pops  in  room  L.) 

HARRIET.  (Rising)  That's  champagne,  Mr. 
Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.    So  it  seems, 

HARRIET.     I  prefer  water. 

CARDINGTON.  You  shall  have  water  then,  but 
just  a  sip  of  the  champagne  first.  (Enter  WILKINS 
L.,  zvith  bottle,  filling  glasses,  which  he  carries  on 
tray.  CARDINGTON  takes  glasses  from  tray  and 
hands  one  to  HARRIET) 

HARRIET.  Your  Arab  .superstitions  extend  to 
champagne  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Handing  the  wine)  By  Jove— 
you  are, — you  know — you're  an  angel.  (Taking 
his  own  glass) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          93 

HALLWAITER.  (Heard  off  L.)  That's  the  reason 
you  can't  come  in  here,  I  tole  you. 

(CARDINGTON  and  WILKINS  turn,) 

HARRIET.    There's  a  man! 

WILKINS.    The  waiter,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  (Easily)  Only  the  waiter? 
Never  mind. — We  touch  glasses,  don't  we  ? 

HARRIET.  (Touching  glasses)  Glass  is  a  non 
conductor,  I  believe, 

( WILKINS  goes  behind  and  puts  bottle  on  table.) 

CARDINGTON.  My  dear  lady,  when  I  look  into 
your  eyes,  I  feel  that  there  is  a  kind  of  lightning 
that  disregards  even  non-conductors. 

HARRIET.    But  should  it  disregard  canvention? 

CARDINGTON.  Will  it?  Convention,  you  know., 
means,  literally,  "  coming  together." 

HARRIET.     (Leaning  away)     But  not  collision. 

CARDINGTON.  (In  admiration,  raising  his  glass) 
Hah!  By  Jove!  you  are — you  know  you  are! 
(They  drink) 

HOOPER.  (Off  L.)  Beg  pardon,  is  this  Mn  Put 
nam's  room? 

( WILKINS  goes  L.   quickly,  with  hand  raisedt  in 
token  of  remonstrance.) 

HARRIET.     Mr.  Hooper! 

HALLWAITER.     (Off)     Private  room,  sir. 

HARRIET.  (In  dismay)  He  sees  us!  (Turns 
up  c.  CARDINGTON  goes  to  door  of  dining-room) 

CARDINGTON.  (Calling)  Oh,  how  are  you? 
(To  HARRIET)  May  I  introduce  you  as  my 
fiancee?  (Follows) 

HARRIET.  (Quickly)  That  won't  help  it.  Don't 
give  my  name,  please.  Say — say  Mrs.  Putnam. 


94          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.  (Delighted)  Mrs.  Putnam! 
(Suddenly  depressed)  But,  I  fear  I  should  tell 
you 

(Enter  HOOPER  L.) 

HOOPER.  Excuse  my  walking  in,  but  the  door 
was  open  and — 

CARDINGTON.  Naturally.  (CARDINGTON  goes 
and  takes  HOOPER'S  hand,  covertly  giving  him  a  re 
sentful  look.  Turns  to  HARRIET)  Ah — my — dear, 
may  I  present  Mr.  Hoopah,  of  Chicago. 

HARRIET.  Mr.  Hooper.  (Crossing  and  shaking 
hands) 

HOOPER.  Glad  to  meet  you,  Mrs.  Putnam,  and 
mighty  glad,  too,  that  all  your  little  differences  ap 
pear  to — 

CARDINGTON.  (Catching  HOOPER  by  arm  and 
sivinging  to  L.  of  table)  Have  a  glass  of  wine, 
Hoopah!  (HARRIET  goes  to  window,  handkerchief 
to  lips,  restraining  laughter.  CARDINGTON  pours 
wine  for  HOOPER,  glances  furtively  around  at  HAR 
RIET.  Apart  to  HOOPER)  For  God's  sake,  man, 
don't  come  into  the  bosom  of  a  man's  family  and — 
and  drag  out  the  family  skeleton. 

(HARRIET  peeps  around  at  them.) 

HOOPER.  (Peering  around  at  HARRIET)  Oh — 
did  I  put  my  foot  in  it  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Of  course  you  did.  She's  as  sen 
sitive  as — as  a  child  about  it. 

HOOPER.  Well,  then,  I  congratulate  you — 
(Lozver  tone)  It's  a  good  thing  for  you — financi 
ally,  anyway. 

CARDINGTON.  (Hands  wine  to  HOOPER,  speaks 
before  releasing  glass,  low,  but  firmly)  It's  a  good 
thing  every  way,  Hoopah,  except  as  a  topic  of  con- 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          95 

versation.  Leave  off!  (Glares  at  HOOPER,  and 
then  looks  anxiously  at  HARRIET.  HARRIET  com 
poses  herself  and  returns) 

HOOPER.     She's  bracin'  up. 

CARDINGTON.  (To  HOOPER)  Leave  off!  (Then 
to  HARRIET)  My  dear,  Mr.  Hoopah  will  take  a 
glass  of  wine  with  us —  (Hands  wine  to  HARRIET) 
and  then  he's  going  immediately. 

HOOPER.     Well — that  is 

HARRIET.     But  why  such  haste? 

HOOPER.     (To  CARDINGTON)     Well,  you  see — 

HARRIET.  I've  heard  so  much  of  Mr.  Hooper 
from  my  friend,  Miss  Seaford,  Mr.  Putnam's  niece. 

HOOPER.     They're  here,  you  know. 

HARRIET.  Yes,  I  know — Won't  you  sit  down? 
(Indicates  chair  L.  as  she  sits  settee) 

HOOPER.  Thanks.  (Sits  armchair  L.  Raises 
glass  to  HARRIET,  drinks,  draining  glass.  CARDING 
TON  stares  at  him,  stroking  moustache,  resting  hand 
on  back  of  chair  L.  of  table  c.) 

HARRIET.  (To  CARDINGTON)  Montgomery! 
(Louder)  Montgomery! 

CARDINGTON.     (Starting)     Oh — beg  pardon. 

HARRIET.  Mr.  Hooper's  glass.  (CARDINGTON 
goes,  plucks  HOOPER'S  glass  and  sets  it  on  table. 
Stands  c.  HARRIET  is  biting  lip  and  looking  down. 
CARDINGTON  is  dazed)  New  York  on  vacation? 

HOOPER.  Business,  entirely;  and  well — alto 
gether  business.  I'd  say  the  question  of  the  will 
was  business. 

HARRIET.     (Assenting)     Oh,  the  Putnam  will? 

HOOPER.    Yes. 

HARRIET.    You  mean  about  Jane? 

HOOPER.  (Addressing  CARDINGTON)  Yes.  It 
seems  to  me  your  father  evidently  meant  that  Jane 
should  have  the  benefit  of  your  advice,  that's  all. 

CARDINGTON.      Very   likely,   but   I    can't   advise 


9-5          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

Jane  to-day,  Hoopah.  You  tell  her  so,  like  a  good 
fellow. 

HOOPER.  But,  hang  it,  man,  she  don't  want  your 
advice.  Just  give  me  your  consent  to  her  marriage. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  you  see,  Hoopah,  I've  known 
Arthur  Weatherbee  for  some  time.  Still,  when  it 
comes  to  his  marrying  Jane —  ( HOOPER  looks  up 
at  CARDINGTON,  astounded,  HARRIET  laughs,  avert 
ing  face) 

HARRIET.  What  are  you  talking  about?  Mr. 
Weatherbee  doesn't  want  to  marry  Jane  ? 

CARDINGTON.  Did  I  say  Jane?  Of  course  I 
meant  Jane's  daughter. 

HOOPER.     (Loudly)    Jane's  daughter? 

CARDINGTON.  Yes,  hang  it,  Jane's  -daughter. 
Don't  bellow  at  me  like  that,  Hoopah. 

HOOPER.    Jane's  never  been  married. 

CARDINGTON.  (Approaching  and  shaking  finger 
at  HOOPER)  Now  look  here,  Hooper,  don't  you 
come  prying  into  our  family  affairs. 

HARRIET.  Mr.  Hooper,  Mr.  Putnam  means 
Sarah's  daughter,  of  course. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  didn't  I  say  Sarah's  daugh 
ter? 

HOOPER.     No,  you  said  Jane. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  I  meant  Sarah,  of  course. 
(Suddenly  brightening)  I've  had  a  telegram  from 
Sarah.  Sarah's  better.  (To  HARRIET,  sits  R.  of 
table,  well  pleased  with  himself) 

HOOPER,  I  suppose  you  meant  Sarah  this  morn 
ing,  too,  when  you  said  Jane. 

CARDINGTON.  Of  course  I  did.  I  rather  think  I 
said  Sarah  this  morning. 

HOOPER.  Well,  say  what  you  mean,  man. 
Sarah's  out  of  it.  You  consented  to  her  marrying 
Seaford,  and  you'd  never  seen  Seaford.  Now  you 
know  me,  don't  you? 


THE  FARL  OF  TAWTUCKKT.          97 

CAKDINGTOX.  (Pause)  Of  course  I  do.  You're 
Hoopah,  the  brevvah,  from  Chicago. 

HOOPER.    Well,  there. 

CARDINGTON.  Then  that's  all  settled,  isivt  it? 
(CARDINGTON,  rising)  Let's  have  this  other  glass 
of  wine  before  you  go.  (Pouring  wine) 

HOOPER.  Then  you  consent  to  our  marriage,  do 
you? 

HARRIET.  Why  not,  Montgomery?  (Rising, 
placing  glass  on  table  and  going  up  c.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Troubled,  producing  memo, 
book)  Well,  I— -ah-— you  know,  I'll  have  to  cable 
a — a- --chap  iu  Monte  Carlo.  I'd  rather  promised 
Jane  to  him-  and-- 

H  COPER.  (Rising  in  a  towering  rage)  You'd 
promised  jane -you—  (Bell  rings  door  up  L.) 

HARRIET.  (Controlling  her  laughter)  Gentle 
men  !  Gentlemen ! 

(Enter  WILKINS  L.  2,  with  bottle,') 

CARDINGTON.    See  who  it  is,  Wilkins, 

HARRIET.    Admit  no  one,  Wilkins.     (Crosses  R.) 

CARDINGTON.  (After  a  glance  at  HARRIET)  Of 
course  not,  Wilkins. 

\VILKINS.  (At  door,  loudly)  Oh,  Mr.  Weather- 
bee,  one  moment-  - 

ARTHUR.  (Off)  And  Miss  Ella  Seaford,  Mr. 
Putnam's  niece. 

CARDINI,TON.     (In  doubt)     Oh! 

HARRIET.  (Abo^'e  HOOPER,  trying  to  draw  him 
away)  Mr.  Hooper  and  I  will  go  into  the  dining- 
room. 

HOOPER.      (Reciting)     But  I  want  an  answer. 

CARDINGTON.  Xow,  Hoopah,  I  won't  be  an 
noyed  with  this  damned  business  any  more.  You'll 
take  your  glass  of  wine  and  you'll  excuse  me  for 
die  afternoon. 

HOOPER.    Damn  your  wine.    You  needn't  put  on 


98          THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

your  blasted  English  airs  with  me.  You  were  ready 
enough  to  take  my  security  for  four  thousand  dol 
lars  this  morning — and  when  I  want  a  little 
favor — 

HARRIET.  (Returning  and  taking  his  arm)  Mr. 
Hooper,  please  go,  for  my  sake.  (HOOPER  comes 
L.  and  goes.  To  CARDINGTON)  Good-bye.  It  was 
so  chivalrous  of  you  to  introduce  me  as  Mrs.  Put 
nam — a  name  to  which  I  have  no  right. 

CARDINGTON.  (Amused)  My  dear  lady,  if  I 
might  tell  you,  you've  quite  as  much  right  to  it  as 
I  have.  (Both  laugh)  Don't  go  !  Arthur  and  his 
girl  are  here. 

HARRIET.  I  must,  and  you  must — pack  up  at 
once—The  Willard  Hotel. 

CARDINGTON.  By  Jove — you  are  an  angel. 
(Bends  over  her.  HARRIET  draws  back  slightly) 
On  your  hand.  (Kisses  her  hand.  HARRIET  goes. 
CARDINGTON  comes  down  c.)  By  Jove!  She's  a 
girl  worth  crossing  the  Atlantic  for.  What  a  beg- 
ger  I  am  to  deceive  her  so.  (Smiles  warmly) 

WILKINS.     Well,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.     (Annoyed)     What  is  it,  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.  Your  niece,  sir,  and  Mr.  Weatherbee. 
She's  never  seen  her  uncle,  sir.  (Meaningly) 

CARDINGTON.     Ho,  ho!    Show  them  in,  Wilkins. 

(Enter  ELLA  door  up  L.,  followed  by  ARTHUR.) 

ELLA.  (Advancing  archly)  Do  you  know  me? 
(ARTHUR  is  above  her  and  signaling) 

CARDINGTON.  Of  course  I  know  you.  You're — 
you're  my  niece. 

ELLA.    Well,  won't  you  kiss  me? 

(ARTHUR   signals    CARDINGTON    not   to    kiss   her; 
comes  down  L.) 

CARDINGTON.    Kiss    you — ha,    ha.      Why — why, 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.          99 

what  do  you  think  Arthur  would  say  ?    Ha,  ha ! 
ELLA.      (Turning  to  ARTHUR)      Well,  what  do 


you  say? 

ARTHUR.  (Grinning)  Well — we — what  can  I 
say? 

CARDINGTON.  Rather  got  him  there,  haven't  we? 
(ELLA  laughs  merrily — ARTHUR  nervously  and 
CARDINGTON  inanely)  Now — now  I  intend  to  kiss 
you.  (As  ARTHUR  signals  again)  Hang  it,  Ar 
thur!  I  will — even  if  you  were  not  my  niece  and 
Arthur  was  going  to  marry  you — don't  look  like 
that,  Arthur. 

(ELLA  turns  to  look  at  ARTHUR,  who  grins.) 

ELLA.  Like  what?  Shouldn't  he  smile,  Uncle 
Montgomery  ? 

CARDINGTON.  He  might  try,  my  dear — and  I 
shall  kiss  her,  Arthur.  (To  ELLA)  And  quite  as 
much,  my  dear,  as  an  old  friend  of  Arthur's,  as 
for  any  other  reason.  (Seriously) 

ELLA.  (Turns  to  ARTHUR)  There,  isn't  that 
nice?  I'll  kiss  him,  just  for  that.  (Kisses  him, 
linth  enthusiasm)  You're  a  sweet  old  thing. 
(Crosses  R.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Beaming)  Did  you  hear  that, 
Arthur?  She  called  me  a  sweet  old  thing.  (AR 
THUR  disgusted.  Crossing  to  ARTHUR) 

ELLA.     (Looking  about)     Where's  Harriet? 

CARDINGTON.    Harriet? 

ELLA.  No  pretending,  LTncle  Montgomery,  Ar 
thur  said  she  was  here  and  that  we  were  to  lunch 
with  her. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh — she  was  here — Harriet — 
(Attunes  his  ear  to  it)  Harriet  was  here,  but  she's 
gone  to  pack  up. 

ELLA.    Where's  she  going? 

CARDINGTON.    Washington. 


TOO        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

ELLA.  (Insinuatingly)  And  you.  Uncle  Mont 
gomery,  are  you  going  to  Washington,  too? 

CARDINGTON.    I  am,  indeed. 

ELLA.    Oh,  I'm.  so  glad.    (Embraces  him) 

CARDINGTON.     Glad — why  ? 

ELLA.  For  Harriet's  sake.  (Lays  her  head  on 
his  breast,  ARTHUR  uncomfortable.  CARDINGTON 
filled  with  satisfaction) 

CARDINGTON.     Oh!     (Strokes  moustache) 

ELLA.     (Looking  up)    The  same  hotel? 

CARDINGTON.  (Beaming)  Well,  rather!  That 
reminds  me — Wilkins — — 

WILKJNS.     Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Pack  up  at  once,  and  book  me  a 
compartment  for  Washington.  Come,  Arthur,  we'll 
have  luncheon  now.  (Bell  rings)  To  no  one, 
Wilkins.  ( WILKINS  opens  door) 

SEAFORD.  (Outside)  Mr.  Henry  Seaford, 
Cleveland. 

ELLA.    Oh,  dad — come  right  in,  dad. 

(Enter    SEA  FORD.      He    comes    forward,    meeting 
ELLA  and  down  with  her  to  R.  of  table.) 

CARDINGTON.  (In  panic)  It's  all  up,  Arthur. 
(Crossing  to  ARTHUR) 

ARTHUR.  Xo,  he  never  saw  Mr.  Putnam— but 
damn  it,  keep  your  hands  off  the  girl. 

CARDINGTON.  (His  arm  over  ARTHUR'S  shoul 
der)  You  did  it,  my  boy— -you  said  I  was  her 
uncle. 

ELLA.    Uncle  Montgomery,  this  ts  dad. 

SEAFORD.  Knew  Ella  was  here.  Didn't  stand  on 
ceremony. 

CARDINGTON.  How  are  you.  (They  shake) 
We're  just  going  to  luncheon.  You'll  join  us,  won't 
you  ? 

SEAFORD.    Well—- 


THE  KARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.        101 

JANK.  (Outside,  as  she  opens  door)  Ring, 
nothing!  If  Montgomery  Putnam — (Entering, 
HOOPER  follows)  tries  to  He  like  that  with  Hooper, 
about  me— where  is  he?  (Looks  into  bedroom) 
Montgomery — Montgomery  Putnam!  Where  is 
he? 

HOOPER.    There  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Down  L.  c.)  Who's  this,  Ar 
thur? 

ARTHUR,  (Bursting  with  suppressed  laughter) 
Jane ! 

JANE.     Where? 

HOOPER.     Why-  there.     Are  you  blind? 

JANE.    That  man? 

ELLA.  Yes,  Auntie.  (Half  embraces  CARDING- 
TON) 

JANE.    Why,  you're  not  Montgomery  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.     Pardon  me! 

JANE.  Well,  you're  not  my  brother,  are  you? 
(Pause)  What  does  this  mean? 

CARDINGTON.  Not  at  all,  and  you're  not  my  sis 
ter  Sarah.  I  told  you  there  was  a  mistake  some 
where,  Arthur. 

(A  confusion  of  voices  follows,  made  up  of  the 
following  speeches  in  concert.) 

ELLA,  But,  Arthur,  you  told  me  that  was 

Uncle  Montgomery,  and  he 
kissed  me.  (Crosses  to  ARTHUR) 

JANE,  (To  HOOPER)  You  should  have 

known  Montgomery  Putnam ;  he 
lived  right  next  door  to  you  in 
Pawtucket, 

HOOPER.  But—  I  put  my  name  on  a  lawyer's 
bond  for  security  for  four  thou 
sand  dollars. 

SEAFORD.         Well,  it's  only  a  mistake,  and  what 


102        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

of   it?     We  wanted  to   come  to 
New  York  anyway. 

(During  the  chatter,  HARRIET  enters  at  hall-door, 
sees  the  confusion  and  quickly  runs  out  on 
tiptoe.  As  voices  subside,  JANE  turns  fiercely 
to  CARDINGTON.) 

JANE.    Well* 

CARDINGTON.  (Pauses  and  returns  JANE'S  glare) 
I've  a  jolly  good  mind  to  tell  you  something. 

JANE.    Well,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  (He  gets  his  memo,  book)  Oh, 
I've  had  a  telegram  from  Sarah.  Sarah's  better. 

QUICK  CURTAIN. 

(On  recall,  JANE,  HOOPER  and  ARTHUR  stand 
laughing — CARDINGTON  dazed — JANE  and 
HOOPER  exeunt,  JANE  scolding;  HOOPER  ex 
plaining.  ) 

CURTAIN. 

(Second  recall,  SEAFORD  takes  ELLA  out,  she  look 
ing  back,  grieved — SEAFORD  puzzled.) 

CURTAIN. 

(Third  recall,  ARTHUR  laughing  follows  the  others- 
out;  mockingly  waving  CARDINGTON  from  him 
as  CARDINGTON  turns  for  sympathy.) 

CURTAIN. 

(Fourth  recall,  CARDINGTON  turns  to  WILKINS,  who 
goes  out  up  R.,  shaking  his  head.) 

CURTAIN. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         103 
ACT  III. 

SCENE: — A  corner  of  the  Turkish  Coffee  Room  of 
the  Waldorf -Astoria.  Architecture  Moorish 
in  style.  Walls  set  obliquely,  as  in  ACT  I.,  from 
a  point  off  R.  c.  at  4.  One  door  is  in  right, 
and  one  in  left  flat  at  back.  A  third  door 
is  in  left  at  2.  A  cosy  couch  or  tent  is  built 
up  of  Persian  draperies  between  the  two  doors 
left.  A  desk  is  above  the  couch.  Large  chairs 
down  right,  with  tapestry  rug-covering,  similar 
chair  dozvn  left,  large  ottoman  c.,  tabouret  by 
cosy  couch, — color  of  scene  to  be  deep  red  and 
maroon.  Hanging  lamps,  desk  lamp  shaded 
red,  white  light  behind  closed  curtains  of 
entrance  L.  2,  and  u.  c. 

DISCOVERED:  HARRIET  writing  at  desk  above 
door  L.  2.  Enter  SENATOR,  followed  by 
FORDYCE.  SENATOR  places  hat  on  chair  c, 
FORDYCE  goes  down  R. 

FORDYCE.    She's  writing. 

SENATOR.    To  him,  you  think? 

FORDYCE.    Yes. 

SENATOR.  That's  the  trouble  in  dealing  with 
these  eastern  lawyers.  I  wanted  to  arrest  him  on 
the  contempt  charge.  Duffield  thought  it  was  so 
much  better  to  get  the  money  from  him. 

FORDYCE.     Damn  the  money! 

SENATOR.  Certainly.  .  If  we'd  jugged  him, 
there'd  been  no  promenade  up  the  Avenue. 

FORDYCE.  That  doesn't  hurt  me  like  her  going 
into  his  rooms.  I  tell  you,  Senator,  I  used  to  have 
little  jealous  twinges  about  her  mother  when  she 
was  alive,  utterly  groundless,  you  know,  but  real  at 
the  time.  Just  as  ever}-  happily  married  man  must 
have  'em,  but  say — they  didn't  knock  me  like  this — 
this  uncertainty  about  Harriet. 


104        TH1-;  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

(HARRIET  puts  paper  in  envelope.) 

SENATOR.    "What's  she  doing  now? 

FORDYCE.     (Looking)     Putting  it  in  an  envelope. 

(WAITER  opens  curtains  at  back,  also  door  L.  Stage 
lights  come  up.) 

SENATOR.  You  know,  I  think  I've  been  too  back 
ward.  I  haven't  really  asked  Harriet  to  be  my  wife. 
I've  done  a  lot  of  hinting,  of  course. 

FORDYCE,  Well  then,  ask  her.  Duffield's  waiting 
to  see  me,  anyway.  She's  coming  now.  I'll  leave 
you  together. 

SENATOR.  (Losing  heart)  Can't  be  a  mistake, 
can  it? 

FORDYCE.  I  can't  see  how.  She's  excited,  of 
course.  Good  counter-irritant  anyway. 

(HARRIET  rises  and  crosses  D.  c.     SENATOR  to  L. 
FORDYCE  up  R.) 

HARRIET.  Finished  your  business?  (HARRIET  R. 
c.  down) 

FORDYCE.  (With  a  card  in  his  hand  to  which  he 
refers}  Haven't  been  to  see  my  man  yet,  Harriet. 
You— you  cause  me  so  much  uneasiness,  I  don't 
like  to  let  you  out  of  my  sight.  (Comes  doivn  c.) 

HARRIET.      (Ironically)      Thank    vou,      (L.    of 

7         *  \  -''  *  \  i 

chair  K.) 

FORDYCE.  To  whom  have  you  been  writing? 

HARRIET.  (With  note)  Mr.  Montgomery  Put 
nam. 

FORDYCE.  Give  me  that. 

HARRIET.  (Easily)  Your  name  Montgomery 
Putnam?  (HARRIET  smiles) 

FORDYCE.  What  have  you  written  to  that  man? 

HARRIET.  (Reads)    "*I  hear  you  are  in  trouble. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         105 

Can  I  be  of  any  assistance?  Father  and  I  leave 
with  Senator  Barker  in  fifteen  minutes,  but  I  could 
persuade  them  to  stay  over  a  train,  if  you  need  my 
help." 

FORDYCE  and  SENATOR.    Oh ! 

HARRIET.  "  Mrs.  Montgomery  Putnam."  (Fin 
ishing  letter) 

FORDYCE.     You  signed  that  name? 

HARRIET.  Yes,  papa,  but  I  put  it  in  quotation 
marks,  see? 

FORDYCE.    No,  I  don't  see. 

HARRIET.  (At  chair  R.)  Well,  quotation  marks 
mean  that  one  is  only  quoting.  They  are  what  the 
doctor  calls  antiseptic. 

FORDYCE.  Well,  I  ask  you  not  to  send  it.  I  don't 
understand  this — this  eccentricity^  Harriet.  (Go 
ing)  Senator  Barker  has  something  of  importance 
to  say  to  you.  I  hope  you'll  give  it  your  serious 
attention.  (Exit  L.  c.) 

HARRIET.  (Looking  after  FORDYCE)  Oh! 
(Turns)  Well,  Senator? 

SENATOR.  (c.)  Harriet —  (Pause)  When 
you  were  a  little  thing  of  six  you  used  to  sit  on  my 
knee. 

HARRIET.     How  precocious ! 

SENATOR.  You  did — whenever  I  came  to  the 
house ;  and  I'd  tell  you  stories.  When  you  got  to  be 
about  twelve — you — you  quit  it — and — 

HARRIET.  Well,  I  think  most  girls  "  quit  it " 
about  twelve. 

SENATOR.    Yes. 

HARRIET.     (Aside)     For  awhile. 

SENATOR.     Pardon ! 

HARRIET.  I'm  listening  to  you,  Senator.  (Sit 
ting  on  arm  of  chair  R.) 

SENATOR.     But  we  were  always  good  friends. 

HARRIET.    The  best  of  friends,  Senator. 

SENATOR.    And  perhaps  you  don't  know  it,  Har- 


106        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

riet,  but  a  girl  of  twelve,  fourteen,  fifteen — along 
there — and — and — a  man  of  say  forty,  thrown  con 
stantly  together,  why  she  just  does  that —  (Turns 
his  hand  as  if  wrapping  something)  with  his  heart. 
Of  course  a  man  of  forty's  got  some  upper  lip  and 
maybe  he  doesn't  give  himself  away,  but  nine  times 
out  of  ten  he's  hit. 

HARRIET.    But,  my  dear  Senator 

SENATOR.  No — hear  me — please.  When  I 
heard  you  were  taking  up  with  Putnam  you — you 
didn't  see  much  of  the  Senator,  did  you? 

HARRIET.    No ! 

SENATOR.  Because  the  Senator  purposely  kept 
out  of  the  way.  That's  why.  But,  Harriet,  no  hay 
seed  legislature  on  earth,  could  have  held  me  up  for 
two  hundred  thousand  dollars  if  I  hadn't  wanted 
the  senatorship  to  lay  at  the  feet  of  the  little  girl 
that  used  to  sit  on  my  knee. 

HARRIET.  (Tenderly)  But,  Senator —  (Ris 
ing  and  going  to  him)  My  dear,  old,  Senator — 
(Pause.  Extends  both  hands)  Why  do  you  pain 
yourself — and  me — by  telling  me  this? 

SENATOR.  I  want  to  get  direct — I  want  to  say,  in 
just  so  many  words,  will  you  be  my  wife? 

HARRIET.  (Shaking  her  head)  I  won't  do  you 
that  injustice.  I — I  won't  rob  myself  of  so  good  a 
friend.  (Turns  a  few  steps  D.  R.) 

SENATOR.     Injustice? 

HARRIET.  My  heart  would  be — elsewhere. 
(Business  zvith  letter) 

SENATOR.  Not — not  with  this  man  you're  writ 
ing  to? 

HARRIET.  (With  note)  Yes — with  this  man  I'm 
writing  to. 

SENATOR.  (Breathing  heavily  in  despair)  Ha ! 
( Turns  away  and  up  c.  HARRIET  crosses  L.  ) 

(Enter  FORDYCE  and  DUFFIELD  L.  c.) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         107 

FORDYCE.  Well?  (SENATOR  shakes  his  head) 
Why  not?  (SENATOR  points  to  HARRIET'S  note) 
That  man?  (SENATOR  nods)  Is  that  the  truth, 
Harriet? 

HARRIET.    Yes,  papa. 

FORDYCE.  And  you're  going  to  let  him  pull  the 
wool  over  your  eyes  again,  are  you  ? 

HARRIET.  (Pause — restraining  a  smile)  Well, 
I  shouldn't  call  it  that,  and  I  don't  care  much  for 
"  again." 

FORDYCE.  Well,  I  call  it  that.  He  doesn't  care 
that — (Snaps  his  fingers)  for  you.  It's  his  own 
pocket,  that's  all.  Do  you  know  this  gentleman? 
(Indicating  DUFFIELD,  who  comes  forward) 

HARRIET.  (Regarding  DUFFIELD)  I  think  I  saw 
the  gentleman  this  morning,  but 

FORDYCE.  (With  check  in  hand)  This  is  Mr. 
Duffield  of  the  law  firm  of  Brooks,  Fairbank  and 
Brooks.  (DUFFIELD  bows  and  turns  up,  joining 
SENATOR.  HARRIET  annoyed)  He's  just  handed 
me  the  firm's  check  for  two  hundred  dollars;  your 
share,  after  deducting  the  firm's  fee  for  collection, 
from  a  thousand  cash,  and  four  thousand  security 
that  they  squeezed  out  of  Mr.  Montgomery  Putnam 
this  morning. 

HARRIET.     (Hurt  and  astonished)     What! 

FORDYCE.  There's  the  check;  and  there's  the  se 
curity  ;  signed  by  Silas  Hooper ! 

HARRIET.    From  Mr.  Putnam  here!1 

FORDYCE.     Yes. 

HARRIET.     This  hotel  ?    Oh ! 

FORDYCE.     Exactly.    Tell  her,  Senator. 

SENATOR.  (Fate fully)  My  idea  was  to  arrest 
him,  but 

FORDYCE.  (Unable  to  be  quiet)  But  he  bor 
rowed  from  two  or  three  friends ;  and  went  down  in 
his  jeans  for  the  cash  in  preference. 

HARRIET.     (In  shame)     Oh!     (Covers  her  face 


icS        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

with  her  hands)     Oh!     (Sits,  armchair  L.  c. ) 

FORDYCE.  (To  SENATOR)  Tough,  yes,  but  she 
sees  him  in  his  true  colors  again. 

HARRIET.  (Looking  up)  Oh — you — idiots. 
(Change  of  mood  and  hysterical  laughter,  while 
men  exchange  dumfounded  glances.  After  laugh 
ter,  rising  and  crossing  R.)  I  wish  that  when  you 
gentlemen  decide  to  interfere  in  my  affairs,  you'd 
consult  me. 

(SENATOR  goes  D.  L.) 

FORDYCE.  Why,  you  always  refused  to  talk  about 
the  alimony. 

HARRIET.  (Turning.  Seriously,  to  herself) 
Alimony?  I  wish  I  could  remember  everything  I 
said  on  that  walk  this  morning. 

(Enter  ELLA  and  ARTHUR  R.) 

ELLA.  Oh,  Harriet,  dear,  I  hear  you  are  going 
away. 

HARRIET.    Yes. 

ELLA.  Something  awful  has  happened  to  us,  you 
know.  (Nods  to  FORDYCE  and  SENATOR)  The 
man  we  thought  was  Uncle  Montgomery  Putnam 
isn't  Uncle  Montgomery  at  all. 

FORDYCE.     What's  that? 

ELLA.  (TO  c.)  No,  he's  some  swindler  and  he 
has  a  confederate  who  pretends  to  be  a  lawyer. 

DUFFIELD.    What  ? 

ELLA.  They  got  four  thousand  dollars  from  Mr. 
Hooper,  and — 

FORDYCE.  (With  look  at  DUFFIELD)  Well,  see 
here.  (Looks  at  check  and  security  in  his  own 
hands)  Here,  these  belong  to  you,  sir. 

DUFFIELD.  (Taking  them)  But,  Mr.  For- 
dyce 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         109 

HARRIET.  (To  DUFFIELD)  You  should  divide 
with  the  Senator,  I  think.  (Turns  up  smiling,  with 
glance  at  ARTHUR) 

ELLA.  (To  FORDYCE)  And  /  saw  him  and  Dad 
saw  him. 

FORDYCE.    But,  Senator 

SENATOR.  (Reassuring  FORDYCE)  I  met  Mr. 
Duffield  myself  in  Brooks,  Fairbank's,  office. 

(DUFFIELD  pantomimes  "of  course.") 

ELLA.  We  were  in  his  room  as  close  as  you  and 
I.  I — I  touched  him. 

HARRIET.  And  so  did  the  Senator.  (Goes  up 
R.  of  armchair,  joining  ARTHUR  c. ) 

FORDYCE.  I  guess  you're  mistaken,  my  dear. 
Harriet  certainly  knows  Montgomery  Putnam,  if 
anybody  does,  and 

ELLA.  Why,  that's  what  /  thought.  Harriet  and 
I  both  saw  him  in  the  breakfast  room.  Didn't  we, 
Harriet? 

HARRIET.    Certainly,  my  dear. 

ELLA.  But,  Aunt  Jane — Aunt  Jane  ought  to 
know  too,  and  she  says  he's  a  swindler. 

SENATOR.  (Easily)  'M.  Your  Aunt  Jane 
"  turned  him  over  "  pretty  thoroughly  to  me  this 
morning  before  she  met  him.  Your  Aunt  Jane,  Miss 
Seaford,  strikes  me  as  an  old  pelican.  (Rises, 
goes  up,  joining  DUFFIELD.  They  sit,  couch  L. 
ELLA  goes  up  R.  ) 

HARRIET.  Will  you  excuse  Mr.  Weatherbee  and 
me  a  moment?  (Comes  down  with  ARTHUR  L.  c. — 
the  others  converse  up-stage  c.)  You  were  there 
when  I  went  walking  with  him. 

ARTHUR.     (L.  c.)  Yes! 

HARRIET.     What  about  that— that  money? 

ARTHUR.  (Laughing)  That  goes  with  the  name, 
you  know;  Cardington's  never  been  married  any 
more  than  you  and  I  have. 


no        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

HARRIET.     Oh  I 

ARTHUR.  But,  once  taking  Putnam's  name  he 
was  in  for  it,  you  see. 

HARRIET.  Didn't  you  know  he'd  be  "  in  for  it," 
when  you  gave  him  the  name  ? 

ARTHUR.  Why,  bless  you,  Miss  Fordyce,  / 
didn't  give  it  to  him. 

HARRIET.     Who  did? 

ARTHUR.  Mr.  Putnam  himself.  Lord  Carding- 
ton  wanted  to  come  to  America  to — to — pardon  me, 
but  to  find  you,  Miss  Fordyce,  and  Mr.  Putnam, 
who  isn't  known  very  extensively  here,  thought  it 
might  help  Lord  Cardington  if  Cardington  used  his 
name. 

HARRIET.    That's  the  way  it  struck  Mr.  Putnam, 

ARTHUR.    Yes. 

HARRIET.     Oh  1 

ARTHUR.  Cardington  knew  nothing  of  Mr.  Put 
nam's  marriage  until  this  morning,  I  assure  you. 

HARRIET.     (Watching  him  closely)     And  now? 

ARTHUR.  (Smiling)  Well,  now,  of  course, 
there's  the  deuce  of  it.  It  seems  the  old  hen's  here 
in  this  hotel. 

HARRIET.    Who?    (Covers  face  and  turns  up  c.) 

ARTHUR,  The  old  hen — Putnam's  wife.  (Turns 
away  L.,  laughing) 

(HARRIET  turns  up  c,  covering  face.) 

FORDYCE.  (Coming  down  L.)  What  is  this, 
Harriet?  Miss  Seaford  says  the  man  admitted 
that  he  was  not  Aunt  Jane's  brother. 

HARRIET.  He  admitted  that?  (Coming  forward 
c.) 

ELLA.  Yes,  indeed,  to  Dad — and  me — and  every 
body.  Said,  "  you're  not  my  sister,"  to  Jane. 

HARRIET.  (To  ELLA)  Did  he  admit  it  willingly, 
or  was  he —  (Pantomimes  "  pushed  ") 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         in 

FORDYCE.  /.$•  it  Putnam?  (Pause)  Answer  me, 
Harriet  ? 

HARRIET.  Not  the  Putnam  you  mean,  papa. 
Seems  to  be  only  a  remarkable  similarity  of  name, 
(Going  L.) 

ELLA.  But,  Harriet,  you — you  said  "  Oh  Ella  " 
—like  that,  the  minute  he  came  in  the  breakfast 
room  this  morning, 

HARRIET.  (Sitting,  ottoman  L.  c.)  I'd  just  been 
telling  you  about  him,  my  dear,  a  gentleman  whose 
name  I  didn't  know. 

ELLA.    The  man  who 

HARRIET.  Extinguished  me  in  Paris  when  my 
room  was  in  flames. 

FORDYCE.    That  man? 

HARRIET.  (Nodding  to  ARTHUR)  That  man — 
and  at  that  time  papa  thoughtlessly  had  no  fire  in 
surance  on  me  at  all. 

FORDYCE.  (With  check)  But  he  paid  this  ali 
mony.  Why  should  he  do  that? 

ARTHUR.     Alimony? 

HARRIET.  (Innocently)  Why  should  he  climb 
out  of  a  Ferris  wheel?  (Indicates  check)  Simply 
another  gentlemanly  attempt  to  be  pleasant  to 
strangers,  I  suppose. 

ARTHUR.  (To  HARRIET)  Alimony?  Did  you 
say  alimony  to  you? 

FORDYCE.     Certainly,  alimony. 

(ARTHUR  looks  at  HARRIET,  who  looks  down  in  pre 
tended  demur eness — then  to  ELLA,  who  smiles 
pleadingly.) 

ELLA.  That's  what  I  meant  about  your  intro 
ducing  them. 

(ARTHUR  grins  in  growing  appreciation  and  looks 
from  one  to  another  of  the  men,  who  remain 
calm,  then  to  ELLA  and  last  to  HARRIET.) 


H2        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

ARTHUR.  (Slowly)  Ah —  (Approaches  her. 
HARRIET  rises) 

HARRIET.    /  am  the  "  old  hen." 

ARTHUR.  (Seriously — apologizing)  But,  really, 
now,  I  naturally  supposed — 

HARRIET.     You  didn't  truly  know? 

ARTHUR.     On  my  word. 

HARRIET.    And  he? 

ARTHUR.  (Grinning  again)  Ha,  ha,  ha.  Not  a 
glimmer.  (Looks  about,  laughing)  Oh,  pardon 
me!  Where's  a  waiter?  (Crosses  c.)  Really,  I 
must  order  one  bottle.  (Starts  for  table) 

HARRIET.  No.  (To  ARTHUR)  I  drank  two 
glasses  with  your  friend  upstairs  as  a  matter  of 
sentiment —  (Pantomimes  slight  effect) 

ARTHUR.     But  one  more — 

HARRIET.  (Shaking  head — sits  armchair  L. )  No! 
(To  all)  Gentleman,  and  Ella,  dear,  this  Mr.  Put 
nam  whom  we  all  mistook  for  your  uncle  has 
placed  me  under  so  many  obligations  that  I'm  very 
anxious  to  spare  him  any  annoyance  that  I  can.  He 
must  not  be  told  that  I  am  the — the  alimony  person 
—you  promise?  (To  ARTHUR.  ARTHUR  nods  and 
grins  with  introspective  appreciation) 

FORDYCE.     Then  I'll  return  these — 

HARRIET.  (Rising  and  intercepting  FORDYCE) 
Pardon  me,  papa,  Mr.  Duffield  will  return  those. 
(Takes  papers)  And  Fordyce,  pere  will  kindly 
continue  to  keep  out  of  the  picture.  (Goes  to  DUF 
FIELD  with  papers) 

FORDYCE.  (Pleased — to  SENATOR)  That's  like 
our  old-time  Harriet  again,  eh,  Senator? 

(SENATOR  nods  solemnly.) 

HARRIET.  (To  whom  DUFFIELD  has  spoken) 
Mr.  Duffield  submits  that  it's  rather  fortunate,  Sen 
ator,  you  didn't  arrest  the  gentleman. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         113 

FORDYCE.  If  you  had!  (Whistles  softly  and 
pantomimes  a  burnt  finger) 

DUFFIELD.     I'll  telephone  our  office.     (Exit  L.) 

HARRIET.  (To  ARTHUR)  We  are  going  to 
Washington —  (Consults  watch.  FORDYCE  and 
SENATOR  consult  watches)  'M — by  a  later  train,  I 
find.  (Crosses  R.,  affectionately  patting  FORDYCE'S 
hand  as  she  passes  him)  Will  you  undertake  to 
deliver  this  note  for  me?  (Gives  note) 

ARTHUR.  (Grinning,  as  he  reads  the  address} 
Well  rather! 

HARRIET.     Now? 

ARTHUR.  (To  ELLA)  Excuse  me  a  moment? 
(ELLA  nods — ARTHUR  exit  R.  HARRIET  joins  ELLA 
at  armchair  R.  c.) 

FORDYCE.  But,  my  dear,  the  Washington  trip 
was  only  to  escape  this  man.  If  it's  not  our  Put 
nam  we  don't 

HARRIET.  (With  resignation)  I  prefer  to  go, 
papa.  (Crosses  to  ELLA) 

FORDYCE.    Very  well.     (Consults  watch) 

(Enter  SEAFORD  door  at  back  R.  c.     He  is  excited 
and  carries  a  paper.) 

SEAFORD.    Hello,  Fordyce  !    Seen  the  papers  ? 
(HARRIET  turns.) 

FORDYCE.     What  about?    Us? 

SENATOR.  About  you?  No?  An  English  Earl, 
probably  murdered,  last  seen  with  Montgomery 
Putnam.  Here's  the  Evening  Telegram.  (Gives 
paper) 

FORDYCE.  But  that's  not  our  Montgomery  Put 
nam,  you  know. 

''HARRIET  attentive,  circles  round  at  back  to  c.  dur 
ing  SEAFORD'S  speech.     ELLA  at  chair  D.  L.) 


ii4        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

SEAFORD.  The  deuce  it  isn't.  Jane's  recognized 
a  handbag  she  gave  her  brother  in  '92.  This  fel 
low's  carrying  it.  Probably  murdered  both  of  them 
and  taken  Putnam's  name.  (HARRIET  up-stag e  c. ) 
The  English  do  that  sort  of  thing  now  and  then. 
Willard — Willard,  the  actor,  did  a  play  in  our  town 
about  that  very  thing — "  John  Neely's  Double  "  or 
something  like  that.  Why,  hang  it,  I  read  of  a 
murder  trial  in  St.  Louis  when  one  Englishman 
killed  another  one  and  put  the  body  into  a  trunk 
and  then  left  the  trunk  with  the  hotel  for  his  board 
bill.  Yes,  sir,  why,  I  wouldn't  trust  one  of  'em  as 
far  as  I  could  sling  a  barnyard  by  the  gate. 
(Crosses  to  door  R.) 

HARRIET.  (Affecting  alarm.  Coming  down  to 
FORDYCE)  Papa ! 

(FORDYCE  hands  paper  ominously  to  SENATOR.) 

FORDYCE.     Harriet  met  this  man  in  Europe! 

SEAFORD.  Where  ?  Who  introduced  him  to  you  ? 
(At  door  R.) 

FORDYCE.  Well — nobody — wasn't  any  introduc 
tion,  but — 

SEAFORD.     There  you  are! 

SENATOR.  (Profoundly)  Something  should  be 
done. 

SEAFORD.  Oh,  trust  us,  for  that,  soon  as  we 
saw  this  paper.  Jane  and  Hooper  are  in  the  tele 
phone  box  now,  talking  to  Police  Headquarters.  A 
porter  just  took  the  fellow's  luggage  from  his 
room — hasn't  paid  his  bill  yet.  I'm  watching  the 
desk. 

(HARRIET  in  pretended  grief,  covers  face  with 
handkerchief.  Sits  ottoman  L.  c.,  suppressing 
laughter. ) 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         115 

ELLA.  (Sympathetically,  bending  over  HARRIET) 
Harriet,  dear ! 

FORDYCE.  (L.  c.  With  feeling)  Well,  by  jim- 
iny,  that  poor  girl  has  the  damndest  luck.  If  there's 
a  no-count  shyster  within  fifty  miles  you  can  bet 
he  hooks  onto  my  Harriet. 

(Enter  HOOPER  and  JANE  door  R.  c.  back.) 

SEAFORD.  Well?  (SEAFORD  goes  up  to  meet 
them) 

HOOPER.  Sending  their  best  man,  chief  says. 
(Crosses  door  L.) 

JANE.  (In  great  excitement,  c.)  Ain't  it  the 
hand  of  Providence?  This  rogue  lands  here — and 
bang — like  that — his  victim's  own  sister.  You'd 
say  "  impossible  "  if  you  read  it  in  a  novel.  And 
everything  dove- tailing  so  beautifully.  I  get  a 
dress,  innocently  thinking  for  calls  or  the  theater, 
just  in  time  to  go  into  court.  And  look  you,  the 
man  he  swindled — Silas  Hooper — sister's  particular 
friend — John  Calvin's  right — everything  predes 
tined. 

(HARRIET  rises  to  c.     JANE  R.  c.) 

SEAFORD.  (Nervously)  There  he  is  by  the 
news-stand.  (At  door  R.  c.,  looking  off  R.) 

JANE.  (Joining  SEAFORD)  That's  him.  (Look 
ing  off  R.) 

ELLA.  (At  door  down  L.,  and  looking  back) 
That's  Arthur  speaking  to  him. 

SENATOR.  Coming  this  way.  (Looking  over 
ELLA'S  shoulder) 

(All  are  in  a  flutter  to  hide.) 
HARRIET.    Leave  me  with  him  ! 


ri6        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

FORDYCE.     No,  Harriet. 

HARRIET.       I — I     can     detain     him.       I     insist. 
(Others  go)     Yes,  papa,  I  insist. 
SEAFORD.    We  can  be  in  calling  distance.    Judge ! 

(Exeunt,  all  but  HARRIET.) 

HARRIET.  (Alone)  Of  course  he'll  forgive  me. 
(Pause)  A  man  who  follows  a  girl  across  the  At 
lantic—  (Pause)  But  did  he?  (Sighs  pleasantly, 
moving  L.  a  little) 

(Enter  CARDINGTON  and  ARTHUR  door  R.  CARD- 
INGTON  is  dressed  to  travel;  overcoat,  tweeds, 
stick  and  derby.) 

CARDINGTON.  (With  note.  Meets  HARRIET  c.) 
Ah — my  dear  Miss  Fordyce.  I  have  your  delicious 
note,  which  Mr.  Weatherbee — 

HARRIET.  Yes — we've  missed  our  train,  I  find. 
Can't  you  make  haste  and  get  the  next  one? 

CARDINGTON.     Well,  really— 

HARRIET.  Or  perhaps  you  had  better  take  a  cab 
and  drive  to  police  hadquarters.  (Crossing  to 
ARTHUR) 

CARDINGTON.     Police  ? 

HARRIET.  Yes,  the  unusual  similarity  of  name, 
your  own  and  that  of  the  brother  of  Miss  Jane 
Putnam,  has  induced  her  to  telephone  the  police. 

CARDINGTON.     (Annoyed)     Oh! 

HARRIET.  (R.  c.)  I  want  to  spare  you  that  an 
noyance,  because  I  am  sure  you  can  explain  every 
thing,  Mr.  Putnam.  /  trust  you — you  see. 

CARDINGTON.  (L.  c.)  Thank  you.  I  felt  sure 
you  did  so  when  I  read  the  signature  you  so  charm 
ingly  quoted  here.  (With  note)  Such  a  pleasant 
reminder  of  the  few  minutes  I  was  happy  enough 
to  have  you — in — my — my 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         117 

HARRIET.     Your  power? 

CARDIXGTON.  (With  feeling)  In  my  care,  my 
dear  lady,  as  I  should  love  to  have  you  always. 

HARRIET.    And  you  will  go  at  once. 

CARDINGTON.  You  remember,  I  called  you  "  My 
deah  "  before  Hoopah? 

HARRIET.    Yes. 

CARDINGTON.  I  wish  the  whole  world  might 
heah. 

HARRIET.     Please  go  at  once. 

CARDINGTON.  Well — really — I  think  I'll  get  one 
drink.  I've  had  no  luncheon— and  you  don't 
mind —  (Looks  about) 

HARRIET.    Get  your  drink  on  the  way,  but  go. 

CARDINGTON.  I  am  sure  to  see  you  in  Washing 
ton  to-morrow,  but  there  is  some  business  heah. 
Mr.  Hoopah  \vent  on  my  financial  bond  in — in  a 
small  matter.  I  think  my  departure  from  the  hotel 
would  give  him  some  uneasiness  at  present  and  I 
can't  do  that  you  see.  But  I'm  sure  I  can  arrange 
it  with  Mr.  Weatherbee's  assistance  and  then — 

HARRIET.    But  I— 

CARDINGTON.  I  shall  feel  much  more  serene, 
Miss  Fordyce,  if  you  are  safely  on  your  way. 

HARRIET.  (Shaking  head)  I — I  can't  help  feel 
ing  an  indirect  responsibility  for  your  present  diffi 
culty,  Mr.  Putnam.  (Crossing  L.  )  And  I  shall  not 
leave  the  hotel  until  you  do.  (Sitting,  armchair  L.  ) 

CARDINGTON.     (In  admiration)     By  Jove 

HARRIET.  My  father  is  a  man  of  influence  and 
our  friend,  Senator  Barker,  is  one  of  the  best  law 
yers  in  the  country.  Either  will  do  anything  I  ask 
him. 

CARDINGTON.  (In  fine  seriousness)  Your  in 
terest  is  charming — May  I  say  more?  It  is  the 
most  graceful  compliment  I  have  ever  had.  I  am 
sure  there  is  no  trouble. 

HARRIET.     Then  I  will  leave  you.     (Rising) 


n8        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CARDINGTON.    Good-bye. 
HARRIET.     (Offering  hand)     Au  revoir. 
CARDINGTON.      (Taking   and    bending   over   her 
hand)     Thank  you — au  revoir! 

(Exit  HARRIET  door  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  She  didn't  read  you  her  note,  did 
she,  Arthur? 

ARTHUR.     No ! 

CARDINGTON.  (Smiling)  Some  time,  with  her 
permission,  I'll  show  it  to  you.  (Gets  serious, 
pockets  note)  Sit  down,  Arthur. 

ARTHUR.     (At  door  L.,  calling)    Waiter! 

(Enter  WAITER,  door  L,) 

ARTHUR.     Two  gin  rickeys. 

CARDINGTON.     What's  that,  Arthur? 

ARTHUR.     A  kind  of  high-ball. 

CARDINGTON.     Sounds  Japanese. 

WAITER.  Pardon,  sir,  can't  serve  anything  in 
this  room  but  coffee. 

CARDINGTON.  (Disappointed)  Oh!  I've  had 
coffee ! 

ARTHUR.     Serve  in  the  palm-room. 

CARDINGTON.  A  word  here  first,  Arthur,  while 
we're  alone. 

ARTHUR.  (Sits  chair  L.)  That  bag  in  your 
room — really,  Putnam's  ? 

CARDINGTON.  (Removing  coat,  which  he  places 
on  couch)  Yes.  When  I  agreed  to  take  his  name 
I  was  lamenting  the  change  of  initials  on  my  lug 
gage,  and  he  said  "  I've  a  fairly  decent  bag — with 
silver  letters  on  it — be  some  help." 

ARTHUR.  Did  Montgomery  Putnam  know — any 
thing — about —  (Pause)  about  the  lady? 

CARDINGTON.     Miss  Fordyce? 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         119 

ARTHUR.    Yes. 

CARDINGTON.  (Smiling')  Well,  I  pointed  her 
out  to  him  in  London  and  told  him  I  was — rather — 
don't  you  know  ? 

ARTHUR.     Oh ! 

CARDINGTON.  Amused  him  very  much.  (Sits 
ottoman,  facing  ARTHUR)  He  said  he  felt  sure  I'd 
win  her,  if  she  knew  who  /  was — but  you  know  my 
idea  about  that,  Arthur.  Told  him  I  should  ap 
proach  her  incognito,  so  he  said,  use  his  name. 

ARTHUR.    'M. 

CARDINGTON.    Remarkable,  isn't  it? 

ARTHUR.     Very! 

CARDINGTON.  Why,  I  didn't  come  into  this 
hotel,  until  yesterday  afternoon  and  it  seems  a 
fortnight  at  least.  (Rising  to  c.)  They  gave  me  a 
very  uncomfortable  five  minutes  in  my  apartments, 
Hoopah  and  that  father-in-law  of  yours. 

ARTHUR.  Me,  too.  But  suppose  we  put  our 
selves  in  their  places. 

CARDINGTON.  (Stroking  moustache)  I  say,  Ar 
thur,  did  you  notice  that  I  stroked  my  moustache 
with  my  left  hand  during  most  of  the — the  inter 
view? 

ARTHUR.     Yes. 

CARDINGTON.  Because  he  did  lose  his  temper 
and  to —  to  come  clear  from  here —  (He  holds  his 
hands  at  his  waistline)  with  one's  guard,  you 
know — 

ARTHUR.    Quite  right. 

CARDINGTON.  And  the — the  Cardington  eye  is 
very  prominent  anyway,  you  notice,  and,  hang  it, 
Miss  Fordyce — ah — I'd  cut  a  sorry  figure  with  a — 
a — green  patch,  wouldn't  I  ? 

ARTHUR.  Quite  right — but  I  think  you'd  much 
better  stroke  your  moustache  when  Aunt  Jane's 
'round. 

CARDINGTON.     Ah — Aunt  Jane!     I  say,  Arthur, 


120        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

if  you  do — ah — marry  that  girl,  you'll  live  in  Lon 
don,  won't  you?  (Sitting  ottoman) 

ARTHUR.    I'll  try  to. 

CARDINGTON.  (Consults  watch.  Sitting  otto 
man)  Well,  now  to  business,  Arthur.  The  banks 
are  closed,  but  you'll  find  me  some  financier  who 
will  not  report  me  to  those  damn  papers  and  who 
will — will  assume  the  Hoopah  obligation  and 
the 

(Enter  WILKINS  with  bag,  door  L.) 

WILKINS.     (Quickly)     Beg  pardon,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.    Did  you  get  the  brasses,  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.  Yes,  sir,  but  there's  a  chap  hout  here 
breakin'  hopen  trunks,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.     Trunks  ? 

WILKINS.     The  luggage. 

CARDINGTON.  My  luggage?  (Rising  and  cross 
ing  to  WILKINS) 

WILKINS.     Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  Look  heah,  Arthur!  (To  WILK 
INS)  Breaking  them,  Wilkins? 

WILKINS.  With  a  coal  'ammer  hand  ha  bloomin' 
wedge,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.    What  kind  of  a  person? 

WILKINS.     Constable  chap,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  (To  ARTHUR)  I  say,  Arthur, 
there  must  be  a  British  consul  in  the  place,  isn't 
there  ? 

ARTHUR.  I  wouldn't  make  it  an  international 
question,  my  lord. 

CARDINGTON.     (Cautioning)     Careful,  Arthur. 

ARTHUR.  That's  what  I  mean.  If  you're  ready 
to  abandon  your  disguise — 

CARDINGTON.  (Positively)  But  I'm  not. 
Though  I  think  it's  more  humiliating  every  minute 
to  be  thought  one  of  them. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         121 

ARTHUR.  Well,  you're  rather  the  offender.  It's 
your  deception. 

CARDINGTON.  Thank  you,  Arthur.  I  was  losing 
my  composure.  (Smiles)  Poor  beggahs — they 
don't  know  they  are  foreigners,  do  they? 

ARTHUR.    Of  course  not. 

WILKINS.    Any  horders,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.  You  tell  the  fellow,  whoever  he  is, 
that  I  shall — have  him  discharged. 

WILKINS,  Yes,  sir.  (Turns  away  R.  toward 
door) 

CARDINGTON.  My  personal  luggage,  Arthur. 
Just  think  of  it.  (Turning  away  L.) 

(Enter  JANE  and  CRENNAN  R.) 

JANE.     That's  the  man — with  the  mustache. 

CRENNAN.     (Advancing)     Mr.  Putnam? 

JANE.  (Quickly,  as  WILKINS  is  going)  Here, 
stop  this  one.  There's  the  bag  I  told  you  about. 

CRENNAN.    Wait  you! 

WILKINS.  I'll  blooming  well  give  you  one  in  the 
h'eye. 

CRENNAN.     (Severely)     Wait! 

CARDINGTON.     (Calmly)    Wait,  Wilkins. 

CRENNAN.    You,  Putnam?     (c.) 

CARDINGTON.  (Regards  GRENNAN  in  amazement 
and  perplexity)  I  don't  know  you,  sir. 

CRENNAN.     Your  name  Montgomery  Putnam? 

CARDINGTON.  (Sits,  ottoman)  Well,  suppose  I 
am. 

CRENNAN.     Cap'n  wants  to  see  you. 

CARDINGTON.     Captain!    \\ 'hat  Captain? 

CRENNAN.    Thirtieth  Street. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh.  (Pause)  What's  that,  Ar 
thur? 

ARTHUR.     (To  CRENNAN)     Station,  isn't  it? 


122        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

CRENNAN.  (Nodding)  Oh,  he  knows,  I  guess, 
all  right. 

CARDINGTON.  Police  station?  (ARTHUR  nods) 
Oh!  (Pause,  after  a  look  at  CRENNAN)  What 
would  you  do,  Arthur? 

CRENNAN.  (Wagging  a  threatening  finger)  Do? 
Why,  he'd  go— see !  Same  as  you  will,  and  no  hot 
air  to  me. 

CARDINGTON.  (Disgusted  and  puzzled  too)  Hot 
air!  (To  ARTHUR,  after  another  look)  You  know 
—Dickens — Charles  Dickens  couldn't  understand 
them.  (After  a  look  at  CRENNAN)  Most  extraor 
dinary  ! 

ARTHUR.  You're  an  officer,  of  course?  (CREN 
NAN  chews  and  nods)  You  mind  showing  your 
authority  ? 

(CRENNAN    shows   his    badge    by    turning   up    his 
lapel) 

CARDINGTON.  Ask  him  upon  what  complaint, 
Arthur? 

CRENNAN.     Confidence  game. 

CARDINGTON.     Oh ! 

CRENNAN.     Money  under  false  pretences. 

ARTHUR.  But  that  isn't  so,  officer.  There  was 
no  money. 

CARDING'ON.  (Quickly)  You  lent  me  some, 
Arthur. 

ARTHUR.  (To  CARDINGTON)  But  I'm  not  com 
plaining. 

CARDINGTON.     Brilliant  exception  too. 

ARTHUR.     (To  CRENNAN)     Obtained  no  money. 

JANE.  (Crossing  up;  calls)  Silas,  you  please 
see  here  a  moment. 

CARDINGTON.  (Rising  and  looking  uneasily  from 
door  R.  c.)  I  say,  Arthur,  there  are  persons  look 
ing  in  the  door.  Won't  you  ask  the  proprietor  if 
we  can't  have  this  room  alone?  Pay  for  it. 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         123 
ARTHUR.    Yes.     (Exit  L.  2) 

(Enter  HOOPER  R.  c.) 

JANE.  (Aiding  the  prosecution}  Silas,  did  this 
man  get  any  money  from  you  by  pretending  he  was 
my  brother? 

CARDINGTON.     Did  I,  Hoopah? 

HOOPER.     Security — for  four  thousand  but 

CRENNAN.     Security's  just  the  same. 

HOOPER.     But  Mr.  Fordyce  just  returned  that. 

CARDINGTON.     (Aside)     What  a  girl  she  is. 

CRENNAN.    Complaint  goes  just  the  same. 

HOOPER.    I  withdraw  it,  because 

CRENNAN.  'Cause  you  want  to  make  it  busy  for 
me?  Well,  I'll  take  him,  see?  General  suspicion. 
His  trunk  is  full  of  linen  and  things  with  Carding- 
ton's  initials  and  trade  mark  on  'em,  and 

(WILKINS  sets  hand-bag  on  back  of  chair  and  ap 
proaches  belligerently.) 

CARDINGTON.  Trade  mark — see  here,  fellow! 
(Coming  forward) 

CRENNAN.  And  suspicion's  pointed  all  along  to 
Montgomery  Putnam. 

(Enter  SEAFORD  L.  door.) 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  you  prove,  will  you,  that  I 
cm  Montgomery  Putnam? 

JANE.  (Signaling  off)  I'll  prove  you  pretended 
to  be. 

CRENNAN.  That's  enough.  (Starts  to  take 
CARDINGTON) 

WILKINS.  You  will,  (Strikes  CRENNAN)  will 
you? 


I24        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 
(JANE  screams.    Enter  FORDYCE,  door  L.) 

CARDINGTON.  Wilkins.  (Faces  CRENNAN  and 
strokes  moustache  with  left  hand.  SEAFORD  and 
HOOPER  seize  hold  of  CRENNAN,  who  tries  to  draw 
gun.  FORDYCE  joins  them,  remonstrating  with 
CRENNAN  in  pantomime) 

CRENNAN.   Why,  I'll  do  him — resistin'  an  officer  I 

SEAFORD.  But  you  don't  need  a  gun.  There  are 
ladies  present. 

WILKINS.  H'  I'd  a  jolly  good  mind  to  give  it  to 
'im  in  the  luggage  room,  sir. 

(Enter  HARRIET  and  SENATOR  L.    Same  time  ELLA 
and  ARTHUR  enter  R.  c.  door.) 

HARRIET.  (To  CRENNAN)  Officer,  this  is  Sen 
ator  Barker — United  States  Senator.  (To  CARD 
INGTON)  And  a  great  lawyer. 

SENATOR.  My  friends,  let's  take  things  here 
quietly. 

CRENNAN.     (With  badge)     That's  who  I  am. 

SENATOR.  Yes?  Well,  I'll  break  you,  if  you're 
not  careful.  (CRENNAN  crosses  to  extreme  L.  To 
CARDINGTON)  At  the  lady's  request  I  am  acting  as 
your  attorney. 

HARRIET.  (To  CARDINGTON)  Forgive  me, 
but 

CARDINGTON.  It's  a  deuced  shame  to  have  all 
this  disturbance,  Miss  Fordyce — 

(By  this  time,  FORDYCE  is  talking  to  CRENNAN  in 
pantomime,  at  door  L.) 

CRENNAN.  (Sullenly)  I'm  from  headquarters 
all  right.  I'm  to  look  into  this  and  fetch  in  a  man 
called  Montgomery  Putnam. 

SENATOR,     (c.,  smiling)     Does  anybody  identify 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         125 

this  gentleman  as  Montgomery  Putnam?     (Pause) 

SEAFORD.  (Firmly)  Well,  Senator,  he  told  me 
he  was. 

CARDINGTON.    Did  I? 

ELLA.     Yes,  you  did,  and  you  kissed  me  and 

HARRIET.     (Quietly)     Oh! 

ARTHUR.  Pardon  me,  Ella,  he  plainly  tried  to 
avoid  it.  You  kissed  him 

CARDINGTON.  My  dear  Arthur — under  an  impul 
sive  misapprehension,  I'm  suah. 

SENATOR.  (Going  up  c.)  Neither  here  nor 
there.  No  identifications  whatever. 

(PAGE   BOY   outside   calling   "  MONTGOMERY   PUT 
NAM  " — pause.  PAGE  enters  L.) 

PAGE.  Telegram  for  Montgomery  Putnam ! 
(Pause,  as  boy  crosses — telegram  in  hand)  Tele 
gram  for  Montgomery  Putnam!  (Pause)  Tele 
gram  for  Montgomery  Putnam.  (Crosses  R.) 

CARDINGTON.     Boy !     (Pause)     Give  that  to  me. 

PAGE.  (Goes  to  CARDINGTON)  Are  you  Mr. 
Montgomery  Putnam,  sir? 

CARDINGTON.    For  me.     (Opens  message) 

(BoY   goes — characters   variously    exclaim.      SEN 
ATOR  shrugs  hopelessly  to  HARRIET.) 

CRENNAN.  I  got  to  take  'im,  Senator,  if  we  have 
to  call  out  the  reserves  to  do  it.  There's  an  Eng 
lishman  been  killed  and  this  man's  suspected. 
That's  all.  If  you  want  it,  I'll  make  it  murder. 

SENATOR.     Nonsense. 

SEAFORD.  (Excited)  But,  Senator,  you  don't 
understand.  Putnam's  sister  identifies  Putnam's 
own  bag  in  this  man's  possesion. 

JANE.     (Indicating  bag)     Right  there  ! 

SEAFORD.     Putnam  himself  also  missing. 


126        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

SENATOR.  (To  CARDINGTON)  It  seems  to  be  up 
to  you. 

CARDINGTON.  Well,  then,  if  you'll  allow  me  a 
moment's  reflection.  (Pause.  HARRIET  crosses  L. 
to  desk)  Wilkins,  my  bag.  (WILKINS  hands  bag) 

JANE.  (Greatly  agitated)  See — see!  (Points 
to  bag) 

SENATOR,    We're  not  blind,  madame. 

JANE.     Not  physically— no  ! 

CARDINGTON.  (At  chair  R.,  taking  letter  from 
bag)  Now  here's  a  lettah  addressed  to  me  in 

JANE.  (Vehemently)  That's  my  brother's 
handwriting,  his  own  signature  in  fact.  It's  ad 
dressed  to  himself. 

CARDINGTON.  Thank  you—  (To  SENATOR) 
As  my  attorney—  (Pause) 

SENATOR.    Certainly. 

CARDINGTON.  And  in  the  confidence  of  an  attor 
ney.  (SENATOR  bows)  Will  you  read  Mr.  Put 
nam's  letter  aloud?  (HARRIET  sits  ottoman)  And 
also  kindly  omit  the  name  by  which  he  addresses 
me.  (Hands  letter) 

SENATOR.     (Reading)     "  My  dear — 

CARDINGTON.      (Quickly)      Omitting  that— 

SENATOR.  (Smiling)  Surely!  (Reading)  "  So 
and  so.  Have  changed  my  mind  about  Cairo. 
Shall  go  to  Monte  Carlo  instead.  Since  leaving  you 
it  has  occurred  to  me  that  you  had  better  be  in 
possession  of  my  reasons  for  advising  you  not  to 
visit  New  York,  though  it's  rather  a  sore  subject 
with  me.  I  was  married  for  a  short  time,  three 
months  in  fact—  (Turns  leaf  of  letter) 

CARDINGTON.  (To  HARRIET.  I  hadn't  received 
that  letter  when  we  were  walking — really.  (HAR 
RIET  nods) 

SENATOR.  (Reading)  "  My  wife  applied  for  a 
divorce  in  New  York  and  got  her  decree  with  a 
considerable  allowance  for  alimony.  She  was  in 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         127 

London  when  I  last  saw  her,  but  I  fancy  if  you 
should  go  to  New  York  under  my  name — 

CARDINGTON.  Please  note  that—"  Under  my 
name." 

SENATOR.  (Reading)  "  Her  attorneys  might 
annoy  you." 

CARDINGTON.  (Remembering  the  alimony)  Ha  ! 
Annoy ! 

SENATOR.  "  Sincerely  yours,  Montgomery  Put 
nam." 

CARDINGTON.     There ! 

SENATOR.     An  absolute  permission.     Perfect. 

JANE.    Where  is  my  brother  now? 

CARDINGTON.  Monte  Carlo.  This  cablegram  is 
from  him. 

ARTHUR.  (Eagerly)  An  answer?  (Coming 
forzvard  with  ELLA) 

CARDINGTON.  (To  SENATOR)  Yes.  Will  you 
read  it?  (SENATOR  nods) 

SENATOR.  (Reads)  "  I  must  decline  consent  to 
my  niece's  marriage.  Money  is  rightly  mine  as  I 
released  equal  sum  to  her  mother,  although  she  mar 
ried  against  my  advice." 

(ELLA  puts  face  on  SEAFORD'S  shoulder.) 

SEAFORD.    That's  true,  Sarah  did. 

CARDINGTON.  (Prompted  by  the  name)  Oh, 
Sarah — I've  had  a  telegram  from  Sarah.  Sarah's 
better.  She  says:  (Reads)  "Tell  Ella  and  Jane 
not  to  worry."  (Sees  ELLA)  Oh,  and  that's  Ella. 
(HARRIET  rises  and  crosses  R.)  How  much  is  this 
money  in  question?  (To  ARTHUR) 

SEAFORD.    Only  twenty  thousand  dollars,  but — 

CARDINGTON.  I  shall  have  great  pleasure,  Ar 
thur,  in  making  you  a  wedding  present  of  that 
amount — you  and  Miss  Ella.  She  called  me  a 
"  sweet  old  thing."  (As  he  crosses  over  to  them 


128        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

SENATOR.      (Easily)     Putnam  family  satisfied? 

JANE.  I'm  not.  Dragged  on  here  from  Cleve 
land — 

CARDINGTON.  I'm  sure  I  shall  be  very  happy  to 
cable  for  Hoopah,  too,  I  must  say  his  ready  as 
sistance  this  morning — 

CRENNAN.  That  don't  explain  my  end  of  it.  This 
dead  man's  things  in  your  trunk. 

CARDINGTON.  I'll  explain  that,  too,  if  I  may  have 
a  word  with  Miss  Fordyce  and  her  father  alone. 
(Characters  turn  to  go)  You  may  keep  me  in 
sight,  officer.  Ah,  one  moment — before  the  wit 
nesses  disperse;  Wilkins ! 

WILKINS.     Yes,  sir. 

CARDINGTON.  This  officer  was  doing  what  he 
conceieved  to  be  his  duty — obeying  orders.  The 
British  Empire,  Wilkins,  is  built  upon  that  spirit. 
To  strike  him  was  a  fine  expression  of  loyalty  to 
me,  but  distinctly  unfair  to  him.  You  must  beg 
his  pardon,  Wilkins. 

WILKINS.     Pardon,  officer. 

CRENNAN.  I'll  see  you  later,  all  right.  (Exit 
L.  i) 

CARDINGTON.  (Pause — CARDINGTON  strokes 
moustache  with  left  hand)  Never  mind,  Wilkins. 
You've  done  your  part.  And  now,  if  you'll  excuse 
me — (To  OMNES.  All  but  FORDYCE  and  HAR 
RIET  start  off)  Oh,  I'll  ask  Arthur  and  Senator 
Barker  to  remain.  (Exeunt  all  the  others)  Ah — 
Mr.  Fordyce.  On  three  occasions  I  have  met  your 
daughter,  ah — informally — ah — I  admired  her  very 
much  indeed.  My  principal  object  in  coming  to 
America,  believe  me,  was  to  meet  her  again.  (HAR 
RIET  sits  on  arm  of  chair  R.)  I — I — really  love  her. 
All  that  I  am —  (Pause)  you  see —  (Pause)  my 
only  friend  in  America  is  Mr.  Weatherbee  here. 
I  understand  that  you  Americans  care  very  little 
for  family  and  that  sort  of  thing,  so  that  I  now  ask 


THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET.         129 

if  I  can  assure  you  of — my — respectability  and — 
and —  (To  SENATOR)  there's  a  legal  word  for  sub 
stance — 

SENATOR.     (Prompting)     Solvency? 

CARDINGTON.  (Exactly.  To  FORDYCE)  That  I 
may,  then,  formally  approach  Miss  Fordyce,  which 
to  be  perfectly  frank  with  you,  I  have  already  done 
— at — ah,  irregular  oppohtunities. 

FORDYCE.  That's  a  matter  entirely  in  my  daugh 
ter's  hands. 

CARDINGTON.  Thank  you.  (Turns  to  HARRIET) 
Then,  my  dear  Miss  Fordyce — if  I  can  convince 
you  that  I'm  not  a  bad  sort — really — ah — mill  you? 

HARRIET.     I  think  we  should  start  evenly. 

CARDINGTON.     Ah,  that  is 

HARRIET.  Without  deception.  I've  known  all 
along  that  you  were  not  Montgomery  Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.    But  you  forgive  that? 

HARRIET.  Easily.  In  fact,  being  Montgomery 
Putnam  would  have  been  the  only  thing  I  could  not 
have  forgiven. 

CARDINGTON.     Really? 

HARRIET.  Yes;  and  I  must  ask  you  to  forgive 
me  an  equal — masquerade  on  my  side.  I  am  not 
Miss  Fordyce. 

CARDINGTON.     Not  Miss  Fordyce? 

HARRIET.    No — I  am  Mrs.  Montgomery  Putnam. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh — Oh —  (Brightens}  You 
mean,  your  charming  note  to  me?  (Getting  the 
note} 

HARRIET.  That  note  has  my  proper  signature. 
I,  too,  was  "  married  for  a  short  time — three 
months,  in  fact,"  and  it's  "  rather  a  sore  subject 
with  me."  They  were  my  attorneys  who  annoyed 
you  this  morning — but  /  didn't  know  that  when  we 
were  walking. 

CARDINGTON.  Mrs.  Montgomery  Putnam — ! 
(Looks  about)  Oh — and — I  pointed  you  out  to 


130        THE  EARL  OF  PAWTUCKET. 

Mr.  Putnam  in  London.  He — he  knew  I  was  com 
ing  to — to  see  you.  Oh 

HARRIET.     He  has  that — gentle  side. 

CARDINGTON.  Do  you  suppose  that  was  Ameri 
can  humor? 

HARRIET.     If  any  kind. 

CARDINGTON.  Oh,  well,  Miss  Fordyce,  you  really 
must  believe  me.  I  had  no  intention  whatever  to 
embarrass  you.  Tell  me  you  do  believe  me? 

HARRIET.     I  do  believe  you. 

CARDINGTON.    And  I  have  your  confidence? 

HARRIET.  What  do  you  think  ?  I've  told  you  my 
real  name. 

CARDINGTON.  And  my  name,  Mr.  Fordyce — and 
Senator  Barker, — is  George  Wilberforce  Feather- 
stone  Godney,  Earl  of  Cardington. 

(HARRIET  turns  down  R.) 

FORDYCE.     The  Earl  of  Cardington? 

CARDINGTON.  Which  at  present  must  be  a  secret 
for  diplomatic  reasons.  This  paper  recounts  my 
disappearance.  Excuse  a  torn  copy.  (Produces 
the  Evening  Telegram) 

HARRIET.  (Produces  the  missing  part  of  it) 
Here  is  the  rest  of  it. 

CARDINGTON.  With  my  picture.  Oh — then — you 
knew? 

HARRIET.  When  I  gave  you  the  paper,  not  when 
we  were  walking. 

CARDINGTON.  (Satisfied  and  happy)  Miss 
Fordyce;  this  ring  bears  the  Cardington  arms. 
Will  you  wear  it?  (He  holds  ring.  HARRIET 
slowly  extends  her  finger.  CARDINGTON  puts  the 
ring  on  her  finger.  Kisses  her  hand) 

CURTAIN. 


iQjtoMA^C'' 


